Letters from Exile
Constance L. Lieber and John Sillito, editors
Sojourn among the Gentiles
January – December 1887
Jan. 3 ’87
[p. 83]Dear James [Angus M. Cannon]—
What a happy New Year to us to think how things have “quirked”1 in our behalf, but by all means be cautious, for of a surety I believe they are preparing to pounce upon you again, and will put forth tremendous effort to make of it a sure thing next time. The Grand Mogul won’t be whipped without severe retaliation. Yours of the 3rd ult. reached me Xmas day with draft. Many kind thanks. Yours of the 15th ult. was handed me yesterday by one who came to attend conference. Should have acknowledged the receipt of the one of 3rd but awaited developments at your place. These two letters with a kiss and a sigh I have converted into the “oxide of sentiment” [burned] (hardly sentiment either) every other letter I have received from you except the first, are in one roll in my trunk at the railway station. These, so soon as I can get them, I will subject to the same purifying element as above. Your first letter to me, and the only one that has in any way been out of my possession, I have again obtained and [p.84]will retain until I return home. The circumstances attending my arrival in this section, caused my uncle, as he himself states, to doubt my marriage and an inspection of my first letter was to be the proof of said marriage. It did not reach me until I had gone into the country. Upon perusing it myself, and [seeing] nothing in it that might not be shown my uncle, in fact I fancied it so worded that you anticipated something of the kind. To allay his suspicions as I thought, I forwarded him that letter (About as innocent a proceeding as the reliance a friend of mine put in the statement of certain G-Os [government officials] if it turns out as well, then its all right.) At all events I have the letter. Notwithstanding I got blessed for all that was out when I went after it. I had several times written to have it returned to me with certain genealogical data that I wished, but my request was not complied with. I let the matter rest for a time and recently made up my mind to come after it thinking my uncle huffy because I preferred taking care of my own money. Two letters following the first one were received at my uncles, and also forwarded to me into the country before you received word of my changed address. These I have cause to believe were tampered with before they reached me. This belief due to developments that were made yesterday upon visiting my uncles. Reaching there my “Unkey” cordially kissed me, a genuine “Judas,” telling aunt to prepare a repast, and positively I believe he had got wind of my arrival from some source, for they were prepared for us. (Mrs. Hull was with me.) Excusing himself a few moments and going and taking a good pull at the whiskey flask, Parsons like to brace up I presume, and which according to his own statement is the only genuine luxury in life. Getting us fairly seated at the board he commenced and Sloan like he exhausted his eloquence, only upon a different theme. A verbatim report of which I am as incapable of giving as you yourself would be unwilling to listen to. Will merely drop sufficient to let you catch the drift. Me, your dear little “Quirk … a base imposter, coming to this section under false pretenses. Ill health all a sham. More deeply steeped in deception than ever was woman to his knowledge” (Mother Eve not excepted I might add). “As intriguing and conniving as ever was a bold adventuress, some of the depths of whose villainy he had sounded since my departure from his house. Nor had he obtained his information from the wind.” And when I suggested that were the source of his information sounded [revealed] it might disclose a little vil-[p.85]lainy on his part, he became furious, saying I was “not an honored wife,” but connected with one of those things out there! etc., etc. I suppose one of “those things” meant you, although I never heard the term used in a masculine sense before. I’ll not trouble you with more of this nor would I have mentioned it, had it not as I think been connected with the rumors you heard about some of your letters being read. If any of them were read, except the first one of May 29th as explained above, they were read before they reached me. None have been exposed since, nor need you have any fears that they will be. I would suggest however very cautious writing on your part, and I will do likewise after this. For each to know that the other is well will be sufficient after this, we cannot afford to run any foreseen risk. Have written this in briefness and obscurely: [as] I thought it necessary to explain this letter business which of a surety there is some foundation to. Uncle unblushingly acknowledged to have read a letter I wrote to one of the elders when little Elizabeth was so ill stating that I should like to have her administered to, but the influence in the house was so bad that I was afraid to have it done there. This was written just as I was about to take her into the country. Uncle says he “read it before it was sealed and that it cast a fine stigma upon his house”, while I swear it did not leave my hand until it was sealed and put into the hand of his little girl to post. None of your letters came into my possession while there, but were forwarded to me by him. Being unsuspecting at the time I did not closely examine the seal, with the suspicion of tampering and can assure you none have been molested since. We are now in the “smokey city” [Birmingham] which at this season suggests the idea of Hades as near as anything. But why leave our rural retreat you ask? For various reasons, chief among them this, that we remained such a mystery that the villagers were becoming exercised about it. “Our seclusion, our remaining in so dull a place after the sunny days had fled, the air we had about us of having seen better days, moving beneath our station” etc., etc., all suggested the idea of mystery. And so the buzz increased, until we were discussed in the highways, byways, private gatherings, at firesides, and particularly at the “Red Horse” and “Bell Inn” over the beer pots. Just think what important personages we are, and all this went on long before it reached our ears. Latterly the name Mormon became associated with us and the tune changed. Those who did not know the meaning of the word, and they a vast majority, were enlight-[p.86]ened by those who thought they did. A result of which as I was wheeling little Elizabeth past a threshing machine one day, one of the “dow heads” remarked, “get thee up and help we the work, and get thee petticoats full o dust and then let one o we men to dust them out, as thou hast no man.” And a day or two later as Mrs. H. was walking up the land she saw an old widower working on the roads who accosted her thus: “I say, I have na woman and thee na mon wouldn’t it ba nice for we to cuddle?” Mrs. H. hurried home to ask what “cuddle” meant.
But darling think of the trash I have written when there is but one thought uppermost in my mind, and that is thankfulness to God for your deliverance. How I thought at the time of my anxiety, that if human heartaches were the passport to heaven then surely some of us would reach there. I dare not dilate on the thoughts that press most upon me, so I have gabbed on other themes, feeling it is my last long letter to you, while Elizabeth has been yanking at my skirts all the while. My health is much better thanks to your kind petitions. After all our planning Mrs. H’s boy is “non est.” Every woman that comes here thinks herself that way, Mrs. Birch not excepted, and so [she] hurried back to make sure of the thing, as Mrs. H. says. While you old boy must not think me earnest in my jesting in the letter informing you of Mrs. H’s supposed condition. There has been but once that I wished you here, that was when I heard of what then appeared to be your misfortune. Glad now that you were there. Do not worry about our “Circums” Mrs. H. says the Old Devil is after us. If this is so then I would rather fight him any day than hide from him. Still direct to Liverpool. Will not stay here long. Uncle I fear would do mischief if he could. Kind love from all.
January 4, 1887
Bro. JPF2 has just called— he is the Bro. I wrote to about [p.87]the administration of Little E[lizabeth]. I told him of uncle, when he said he called there while I was in the country and the whole thing was gone over with them. He also states that uncle produced your first letter—and read it with his peculiar sarcasm, and asked “if that sounded like a loving husband addressing his wife.” What different goggles we look through, while I thought it all sweetness itself, oh! JPF further states that Mrs. Miner visited one Spokes, Pres[iden]t of Branch—and I am aware that uncle is acquainted with Spokes, as they are in the same business, jobbing builders. So uncle talked about that letter to Spokes, Spokes to Mrs. Miner, Mrs M. to Bro. M, he to HBG, HBG to you, and you to culprit me, and so the cycle is complete, the thing being traced to the source from whence it started. Bro. JPF says he anticipates not the slightest trouble from it, as I now have the letter. Besides he says he does not think uncle vicious, but only angry because I practiced a little deception on him, while I am confident he would have been equally mean had he known the truth in the beginning. Bro. F. however is going to visit him & I trust may do him good—and cause him to repent. There is some smartness in him if it was turned in the right channel, but he will have to ask my forgiveness before he gets just straight with the Lord.
As I said Mrs. H is not so, and if I knew just how to get away from her I would do so. I am under no obligations—nor shall I be—but she is so inefficient in doing anything but pamper her baby. She was quite kind when I was sick—for she looked to me to manage matters—and afraid I could not do it in that condition. Forgive me for burdening you with such matters, but then you wished me to keep you posted. Now Good Bye, and be cautious in your writing, give the enclosed to S[ister]. A. Duncanson; have managed to get her items at last and know she will be pleased. Have not heard from Mother for a long time—Suppose she is frightened.
Be Sure to burn every line from me.
My Loved One,—
[p.88]Your kind Xmas greeting was handed me last eve by one who came to attend the Conference in the great metropolis. Glad was I to hear from you, & to learn of your joy in meeting your loved ones on the birthday of our Savior—Thanks for your kind words for the New Year— This blessed New Year. Although it brought to me one—no not one, but the most trying ordeal of my life—still it has been followed by a solace, a peace of mind, a thankfulness to the true and living God, a strengthened faith in the ordinances of the Gospel that will be a shield and support to me as long as life and reason lasts. I am only saddened by the thought that so profound a lesson could only be taught through the suffering of our child. One week ago tomorrow eve. I sat by the table penning a note to our esteemed friend D[aniel] H. W[ells] in answer to one he had sent stating he had forwarded quite a number of letters, magazines etc. to Birmingham before, as he thought, we left, and asked if they had been redirected to us at this point. A number had been forwarded to Mrs. H’s address—and as he, D.H.W., had not stated that there were none for me, I was fearful least one from you had been lost, and was then writing to ask if any American mail had been forwarded for me, if so it had not reached me. I had forgotten that I had concealed an ounce bottle, half full of the strongest liquid ammonia in the little wooden box where I keep my writing materials. This I did when packing my things in the country— I use the ammonia to clean clothing, grease spots etc—and had hitherto kept it always in a safe place quite out of the reach of “busy fingers”. But this never to be forgotten night, while she was sitting in a lounge with the table in front of her, playing with her playthings, when busy with my note, she got into the little box, and poured the ammonia down her throat. The entire contents, excepting a few drops in bottom of bottle, went down the throat into the child’s stomach. I think when she gasped, the teeth closed on neck of bottle so that none of its contents escaped outside the mouth. I caught her as she fell senseless, gasping for breath, and went through all the horror and agony of feeling she was stiffening and dying in my arms. Oh the terror of that dark hour; it makes me shudder to think of it now. I first dashed water in her face to make her catch her breath, next tore open the little medicine case for a bottle containing about a tea-[p.89]spoonful of consecrated oil,3 while Sis. Hull flew to where the Office used to be for some of the brethren— reaching there found the Office [had been] removed five miles distant. During this time Elizabeth, after I had poured all the oil I had down her throat, began to vomit so violently that I really felt that if the burning from the ammonia did not kill her, the severe straining & retching would complete the work. The matter vomited produced a lather like soft soap while several good sized pieces of mucous membrane either from the throat or stomach were mixed with it. I then begged Mrs. H to go and get a bottle of oil. This she did with all possible haste, and in our frenzy we asked the Lord to bless it as best we could. A half a tumbler of this I then poured down her throat, when from the soothing effects of the oil and complete exhaustion she became more quiet—but during the above period she suffered the most extreme agony I ever witnessed in a mortal being. I almost wished she had succumbed during the first struggle from suffocation. Sis. H. then took a hack for the Office and in an hour and a half from the time the accident occurred returned with a Bro. Davis,4 who prayed, consecrated the oil, and then administered to the little sufferer. When I asked, he thought she would get well but would get very low first. A weak acid administered immediately would have been the antidote, This I sent for while Mrs. H. had gone the long distance for the elder, but I felt it was too late to give it then: the mischief was done. I felt in my soul it was a case beyond all human aid, for she had taken enough of the poison to kill a number of grown persons. All that night she lay & moaned, being conscious only part of the time & could take nothing to allay her thirst. I forced a teaspoonful of the consecrated oil down her little throat twice & it was most pitiable to see her struggle. Once in the night when I knew from her looks she was parching for a drink, I asked her if she wanted a drink of water. When she tried to raise her poor little head in assent, I reached the glass when she grabbed it with her tiny hands, exhibiting a strength I little dreamed her possessed of in that condition. But when placed to her mouth she could not swallow a drop but fell back on the pillow & moaned most piteously. Talk about human heartaches. I [p.90]never knew what the words meant until that dark night. Next I milked a teaspoonful of milk from my breast and dropped it drop by drop on the little parched lips, when she looked into my face with an expression of thankfulness that I can never forget. This I did frequently during the remainder of the night & once she faintly said “ta”. No hero or martyr ever bore suffering more patiently than did that little soul. During the night I wrote to Bro. Wells and asked him to call the brethren together and exercise mighty faith for her. Next morning two elders called & again administered & prayed for her. She then fell into a troubled slumber, which lasted all day. I frequently moistened her lips with water & at noon another teaspoonful of oil was administered. Soon after which she fell asleep again. That afternoon, a note from Bro. W[ells] stated they had called upon the Lord in behalf of the child, and a letter from a lady friend [Emily Wells Grant] of his stated he would leave there the next day with some of the brethren to attend conference & would soon be at the bedside of the little one—That same night she was administered to again. When I asked the Elder what he thought, he said he felt she would finally rally but he looked for her to get still lower. He said the Elders in the office had fasted & prayed for her. In her exhausted condition I dreaded the feverish symptoms that would necessarily arise as the suppurative process set in, in a day or two. That night after the Elder left and while she still slept I went to her bedside—and leaning over her, noticed her cheeks flush. I feared the fever was already setting in. I felt sick & whispered “where is mama’s poor little sufferer.” When she opened her eyes & as quick as a thought said “here er is,” the only sentence she can speak; she can say a number of single words but the above are the only ones she connects. Judge of my joy—I felt like screaming. I did drag her out of bed and hold her to the light to make sure it was not delirium. Sure enough the child was better—she was ravenous for a drink notwithstanding it hurt her to swallow & pulled at her titty for the first time & became wonderfully angry because it did not go down good. All that night she was wondrous cross — “crabby” we call it—and I was happy, happier than ever before in my life to think our treasure had been spared us. I believe positively I should have gone mad had she been taken. Still we know not how much the human heart can bear. Others have their darlings snatched away from them—How the hymn comes to my mind—
[p.91]”Earthly happiness is fleeting
Earthly prospects quickly fade—
Oft the heart with pleasure beating
Is to bitterness betrayed—
Though thy darling child is taken
From thy bosom to the urn
Soon its slumbering dust will waken
And its spirit shall return
Yes again you shall behold it
Brighter than the morning ray
In your arms you shall infold
When all tears are wiped away.”
The next day when the Elder called, pale and trembling, but gritty, she [Elizabeth] was trying to build a house with her A.B.C. blocks. I told the Elder, who said Bro. W[ells] had not arrived but was expected on the evening train, to tell the old gentleman the child was healed by the power of God—thanks to the united faith of the brethren. One of the Elders remarked that the promise to those who kept the Word of Wisdom had been realized in this instance, that if they partook of any deadly thing it should not harm them. Of course our little darling has had no opportunity to obey or disobey that law, but if a mother’s advice will affect anything [in] the right direction, it shall not be lacking. And I know what her father’s feelings are on that subject. Now loved one, I have detailed this matter because I believed it was what I should do—and our treasure is out of danger.
You wonder what she “does, says, & looks like.” “Does” would fill a volume; “says” not many words yet—papa, mama, tatta, bye-by, night-night, etc. & imitates the neigh of the horse, what the baby lambs say, the doggy, the kitty—pussy mew, & chick-a biddy drums, & quack, quack duckies etc., etc., and gesticulates most emphatically to make you understand what she wants. I predict her a “chatter box” when the lingual member gets thoroughly loosened … Every one says she is the counterpart of her mother. In vain have I looked for a feature, an expression, that would suggest the father—still I do not despair. This leads me to point where a little explanation might be entered into respecting some remarks I made in my letter of the 21st of Nov[ember]. I feel to explain because you hesitate in answering it—which hesitation or delay is calling forth some comment by parties who han-[p.92]dle our mail as my meager supply is contrasted with the “superior” number of letters that others in like situation as myself receive from their loved ones. Mark you, this has not been done maliciously, but just as anyone would speak in like circumstances. Nor would I have you misjudge them or them you, for I am well satisfied with the promptness in which you have answered my letters, as well as the length, & know full well you have tried at times to say things to please me, while at others you have written hurriedly in the midst of a hundred other pressing matters. Up to the time the letters went to Islington5 you were marked by promptness. Your lack in that matter now, at first was due to prudential, I presume, reasons and now from a little perplexity regarding the letter of the 21st you don’t know just what to say. Besides a hundred other things press upon you. What an ass I make of myself in writing at times. First Mrs. Hull will not require my services, it was a mistaken diagnosis—hence my desire to get even with her has subsided. You surely know I was jesting. Had you no other ties to bind you to that continent, were you as rich as Croesus, and myself strongly under the influence of that “glorious thing” [pregnancy] as described by Daniel [H. Wells], still I would have no desire to see you here, from the very important fact that the all important organ concerned would not sustain its part in the matter. It would lose its equilibrium, gravitate to a still lower strata than it is already unfortunately resting upon now, & lay its owner on the shelf. I don’t mean die, but make her more of a grunter than she already is. Oh forbid! For of all grunters, a human female grunter is the most intolerable. Thanks to a kind providence, the prayer of faith on your part, and the exercise of a little increase of prudence on my part, I am nobly improving—better than I’ve been since I landed here. See how I have centered on self again—a symptom of “Hypo” [hypochondria]. And our letters were to be short, alas! But dearest, I had to tell you of our [p.93]darlings suffering, & I rattled on after. Her recovery is the greatest manifestation of the power of administration that has come under my observation, and I thank the living God for His goodness to us.
To conclude, do not think I am after you for more letters. I care for none but what you feel to write. But please drum mother up a little, she is owing me several. I suppose she is scared too. Tell her to give them to you & you will address them. It is a little matter of pride with me— I don’t like people even to think certain things. In regard to the new name: the office people already know it. Thinking you would deem me slow in sending a new address & thinking you anxious to change names, I thought you would send it to Islington in that style. So if any came that way I told them to redirect it (in care of Mrs. Munn this point) as I am known as Munn here. I have not hastened to forward this address, as I do not intend to stay very long, it is only a temporary boarding place for me, and rather high rates, but best I could do without consulting anyone here. No one here knew our arrival until baby’s illness. At Wolverton the idea was we were going to Liverpool. You may think I have taken leave of caution, or senses, by writing to Liverpool about the new name. Of course I thought if you sent it by that name you would mention to them there that it was to be forwarded to the address of Mrs. Munn. Well caution or no caution, senses or not, those who have found me out here now compliment me on the way I buried myself for these months, as few know I was in the Kingdom, & none knew where until the draft from Islington made it necessary. Now what next? Shall it be Quirk or not? From what I can learn the more people fool around changing their names the worse messes they get in. A fine instance of that kind occurred in Switzerland, the party was such a one at one place, and somebody else after awhile, when the thing leaked. Unless you have good reasons why not let the thing be. Part of the name belongs to you & part to me which has been a source of comfort to me. It does not feel so altogether uncomfortably assumed. But anything to secure your safety; I will take any name under the sun for that. You’ll think I’ve changed my tune about that name—you recollect I did not like it at first. But like your “slight annoyance”
“The thing has fallen from me
It lies buried in the sea”
[p.94]but not like yourself will I say I have “soared above such foolish fancies,” for when I get home and get the run of things once more, I may get jealous again. What I mean by “run of things” is an insight into your ingoings & outcomings etc
Your dearly beloved
[Enclosed with the above letter:]
To Hon Jas. Quirk
E[lizabeth] is delighted with the card with the baby & bow wow doggie—Thanks for lines on back of cards—pardon me for not answering your letter more fully. I burned it as soon as read it, as desired by you, it is the last vestige of anything in your handwriting, except Patriarchal blessing. That shall go also if you wish it. As soon as I could get into my trunk I consigned the package to the flames. In looking at the pretty cards you sent, Mrs. H. said “who is this from?” referring to the bunch of flowers. From Hiram Clawson I replied. “How do you know” said she, “it has no name.” “It is his handwriting,” I replied, “I know it the minute I see it.” Think of my astonishment when finishing your letter, I found it from you to her—what a twist of the imagination to metamorphose the handwriting of my devoted Old Duck into that of one who assumes such a faint recollection of me.
Yours of the 1st to hand on Sat. last. I was sad to learn how you had suffered at the time of your threatened danger, but now rejoice with you in your deliverance. Treasure has recovered from the shock of the poison, slightly paler, but herself again, & is now coaxing mama to crack her a walnut. Her speedy recovery has been one of the greatest manifestations of faith I ever heard of. I would like my switch hair from my trunk if you think it safe to send it. If you would get it from “Amy,” Bro. Hull would see to [p.95]forwarding it—as he knows just how having sent a number of parcels to Mrs. H. at Xmas time. If you decide to send it, tell him to be particular about the address etc. as it is a valuable one that I should be sorry to lose. Articles not one quarter as good as it cost five dollars here (one pound). Address it to Islington & it can be forwarded to this point. You may have the papers changed to Emma Quirk
31 Latimer Road
Notting Hill W
They now go to my rural retreat, to Islington & then here. I fear the people will get tired readdressing them. The above is not my present name, but I am known by the other name here, so it will not do to have differently addressed letters come. If it is to secure more safety there then change it as for here. I think one as safe as the other. You may also address my letters to 31 Latimer Road etc. & so avoid them stopping at Islington. The package, however, may as well go there (Islington) as it is a more prominent place and not liable to delay, and my hair is in that unfortunate condition neither long nor short.
My health is not so good as before babe’s accident, which is somewhat annoying as I cannot get around well, and see what is to be seen in this great thoroughfare. You may continue to exercise faith for me as I am positive it was helping me before the accident. I shall not refer specially to my state of health after this as I expect this up & down movement—it is peculiar to this class of cases—& it’s annoying to keep harping on it. I did not send Emma F[inch] a letter. [I] put her up some Xmas cards, but that affair of yours reached me before I sent them, so I kept them here. I think however I told ma I would send her (Emma) some so I suppose she was alluding to that when she spoke to you. Ask ma if she got the genealogical data I sent. But I forget you do not go there—so never mind. Board & lodgings are what I call high here. On that account will not stay only until the weather breaks a little. Hull is grumbling about the “dark muggy weather” in the section he has been sojourning lately for a few weeks (days rather). I wonder how he thinks his wife endures the dismal damp fog of this dark region where the lamps have to burn for days together. He says the word is for all to stay on this side, but they happen to be all gone, except we two wandering Jews and another who spreads [p.96]her wing in the spring. And when I get as sick of it as some I have met, I will simply go. There is risk everywhere, here as elsewhere… & news travels fast among those sailing under the same colors. And I find men as thoroughly a conducting medium as women in such matters. Mrs. H. is worrying and says “she fears Hull is not sufficiently a polygamist,” while I remark that I fear mine is too much of a one, or is progressing finely, that way, while I am playing the ass over here, and am just wondering what the Lord thinks of the mess of us—
Yours as ever
Emma J. Quirk
Tell that “little woman” I do pray for her & that she may continue to possess her soul in patience. Tell her there are many happy days in store for her yet but she must continue [to be] patient.
My Own Loved James,
Your last letter received by me bears date Jan. 13. I think I have been a little tardy answering it but then you said you were so busy with many important matters that I knew you would not mind. I can imagine what a whirl you are kept in especially since the threatened passage of the gigantic “Edmunds Tucker.”6 I tell you there will have to be some rustling in the direction of Mexico, for the good work will certainly go on. It don’t worry me personally a particle, only as it will bring sorrow & trials to many who are perhaps less prepared for it: but God will only permit that which is for the final good of His people. I am glad you are in good health and also my father’s family as far as you know, and please when you see the Srs. D[uncanson] give them my kind love.
My health is better than awhile back, and I am cautious about being on my feet, which if disregarded brings me trouble. [p.97]Daisy is cutting some double teeth, and is consequently fretful, but has entirely recovered from the shock of taking the ammonia. All in all I am doing real well, that is managing to see some of the sights of the great metropolis, & like it first class. Could relate some interesting points we have visited but will wait until I see you. The other evening I went with Bro. Davis to see Erving [?] in Faust. Mrs. H. was left in charge of the cherubs, and when we returned our minds filled with visions of hobgoblins & witches and all the horrors of Hades—there sat Mrs. H perfectly entranced with an exquisitely wrought and worded “Valentine”, that the post master had brought while the two “sleeping beauties” slumbered in a cot by her side. Don’t mention Mrs. H’s enchantment to Hull as the V[alentine] was not from him but from a veteran of 70 (seventy) one who has left us to sail far over the sea—
Your allusions to the Logan Temple district brought happy reminiscences to my own mind— especially the ride when we viewed the noble structure in the twilight.-
“All alone together, only you and I
Sweetest of all memories, let that memory lie
Only one sweet whisper lingering in my ear
Like a strain of music full and deep and clear
And the thrilling touch, exquisitely divine
When your lips with kisses pressed themselves to mine
Life will be the sweeter ever from that hour
Richer in its gladness by its magic power
Only the faint echo of those whispered words
And the gushing music which their depths affords
Often in the stillness of the midnight deep
Comes this blest remembrance, waking or in sleep,
And a foot of fancies mingle in my dreams
‘Till with glowing colors night in beauty gleams—
Mrs. H. sends kind love and a kiss from her little one, while little Elizabeth sends you a host of the everlasting “goodies” and could she speak she would tell you that she gets many a [p.98]”whopping” hug on her papa’s account, from her mama of course—As ever your loving
Emma J. Quirk—
Feby. 17 ’87
My Dear One:
Yours of the 25th, I think, ult. arrived a few days ago. The news of dear Rachel [Woolley]’s death has very much depressed me, aside from nearer kin there was none other I loved so well, and no woman would or could have done more for me than she did in my hour of distress. Thoughts of future association with her were mingled with my fondest dreams of home. God knew her integrity and has summoned her to great labors—but what must be the feelings of the stricken husband and the motherless children! How my heart aches for them; if ever man loved woman he did Rachel.7
Yesterday I received a beautiful photograph of Alice [Cannon, daughter of Angus and Clara Cannon]. It has been delayed, and the envelope opened on account of being re-addressed wrong. If I knew Clara’s exact address I would write her. Thank her kindly for me and tell her I prize it, the photo, ever so much; while E[lizabeth]. fairly smothered it with kisses. I believe it touched a sympathetic chord in the little heart and positively there is quite a resemblance between the two little darlings. Ask C[lara] if there was an accompanying note. [It] so it is lost out. What is the trouble about Islington dearest? In regard to my address etc.? I have had no communication with H Q [British Mission headquarters] except matters of business, cash drafts etc. The bulk of my money is still there, as I have only been sending for small amounts as I needed it—but if you think it best for them to lose track of me I will send for the money and manage the rest. Daniel [H. Wells] and none of his folks are there now. Had two pleasant visits with him, once after little E. had taken the ammonia, and he came to attend conference, and a short time ago during his farewell to the metropolis.
[p.99]The weather is wonderfully changed here—”Many samples each day” in Yankee language. Today a dense yellow fog, and have had the lamps burning all day. Such days make me lonesome, and I wish that I could fly right to you. I begin to feel that I want to see how you look once more, while at times I am quite sanguine about the time passing away rapidly. At others I am not sure that I can put so many months in this faraway land. And when the time is up? What then dearest? How does the prospect look to you? Pause for a short time in your labors and be frank with one who loves you devotedly. Love to the loved ones at home. Should you see Mother will write her shortly.
I smile as I remember your reference to the [Deseret] hospital, & would rather be here than there myself. I would suggest the appointment of one doz. male presidents each one instructed to play the special gallant to one member of the board. In short to have a prest. for each member, & so avoid jealousy, “but for goodness sake don’t say I told you so,” as I desire to be on favorable terms with them when I return—having occurred their displeasure from suspicions they had that I practiced some dark strategy in order to get men on my side. And feeling assured that I can convince them that I have lost all such arts, if I ever possessed them, I look forward to less turbulent times. Good for little [Jennie] Whipple but I fear the struggle will not strengthen her faith much. Send address to Clara if you think it all right and accept many kisses and love from both of us. How I wish I could kiss you for sure. I take what I can and “dream the rest.”
Mrs. Emma Quirk
(c/o Mr. Edward Davis)
31 Latimer Road
London W, England
My Own Loved One!
Your welcome missives of the 12th, 19th, & 22 ult. reached me in due time. I was pained to learn of your illness & rejoice now to know you are better. Do not be afraid to be catalogued with the whiners dearest, in speaking of your physical condition. There is no danger, you are not of that stamp. Piles [hemorrhoids] are vicious things, or makes one feel vicious at times when they have them. I have been candling with them ever since my sojourn here and often thought [I] would have subjected myself to the “heroic” [placed herself under observation] had I been within reach of my old stand bye “Doc.” [Anderson], while you it seems prefer lady physics [Romania Pratt Penrose]—natural enough! I could but think notwithstanding I deeply sympathized with you, that if men will submit themselves to the “heroic” treatment of lady M.D.’s they must expect to suffer. Do not think I ridicule the ordeal you have passed through—but I must tease you a bit. I know too what a species of martyrdom one suffers every time there is movement of the bowels when piles form an obstructing medium, which if not exactly killing, has a tendency to make one look old.
I have been moving, the reason for delaying to answer yours of the 12[th]. Have moved over the river and am happy & snug by myself with little cherub with me of course. My living costs me less here and I feel a much better influence and more contented. Mrs. Hull & myself lived two months together at Pimlico in the same house where Mr. Hull left the lady when he was here & before she unfortunately moved to Crosses. We had two rooms, sitting room & bed room. My bed was made down on a lounge in the sitting room at night while Mrs. H occupied the bedroom. It was high priced because the house is in what is termed a somewhat aristocratic section. My bed was most uncomfortable & I was glad to get away. We purchased our own food. While the landlady did the cooking I paid half. Mrs. H. did not like me leaving but could not blame me for wanting to change my bunk. Bro. Davis then secured her comfortable apartments at Notting Hill where the Office & meeting room are located, where she appears to be getting along finely—which I am gratified to see, having attracted a number of satellites around her in the form of English Saints & Utah Elders who bask in the warmth of her [p.101]hospitality. She talks strongly of going home with Bro. Davis of Bear Lake for whom she has formed a strong friendship—just what he thinks I do not know. While a Bro. Layton here says to me “if I were you I should endeavor to keep her here, for if she goes over there I fear she will not only get herself into trouble but you also.” But as things are, I would not presume to advise as she is making special efforts to show me how self reliant she has suddenly become, and instead of requiring some one to lean upon, has become the leader of a nice little circle. While I heave a sigh of relief and thank the Lord for the way I have been let off.
I attend sacrament meeting regularly at Notting Hill. It is a long distance from here but I go by train and it is a nice little outing for babe & I. There is no one in that section that positively knows me but Sis. Hull & Bro. Davis. Bros. Shipp, Thomas etc labor in other branches here in London, but I do not go near as I do not wish to encounter the former at least. I also avoid the North London branch where the Crosses attend. Notting Hill is but a small branch and if there is any change in the visiting Elders Bro. Davis kindly lets me know so I can stay away.
The sentence “well I am astonished!!”, has become a bye-word here. And from what you say it must have run through your mind when you learned that it had been hinted that my letter supply was “meagre,” and that in the face of all your efforts to “do the nice”. Well I laugh too, but darling listen, there was a time in my life when letters became a burden to me for the labor required to answer them all wearied me. I imagine your present situation much similar, a multiplicity of things press upon you and accumulating letters become bores. But you could never realize my present situation unless you were suddenly banished seven thousand miles from the scenes of your former activity, your identity lost, afraid to audibly whisper your own name and limited to one correspondent, whose letters as he himself states have been “written in a constrained and cautious manner,” sans sentiment. I write not thus to elicit sympathy, but only to tell you, you can never know what a boon a letter is under these circumstances, unless you pass through a similar experience—which lucky stars forbid. Little E is very fretful with her double teeth, & when awake is either whining at my skirts or else up in my arms. She will not allow a soul to touch her but me. I take her out as much as possible as she is better when she gets fresh air. Today I took her to [p.102]the Zoological Gardens in Regent’s Park & she was pleased with the animals all the antelope, deer, Roes, Gazelles etc—were “ba lambs”, the Lions “Big bow wow doggies” & the tigers & leopards “Big Kitty pussy mews”. While the elephants made her eyes bung out worse than when we first took her into John [Woolley]’s barn in the North & showed her the horses, and when I paid “tuppence,” (2 pence) mounted a ladder and had a ride on the big fellow’s back with her, “she was astonished.” I had no idea that it would jolt as much as it does, I had mentalized it as a sort of swaying motion, but every time a paw comes down it gives you quite a jog. Am real tired after the outing so will close. I will have you direct my letters and papers right here to the house I am living in if you think it safe to retain the present name (Munn) as I am known by that name here. Will readily change the name if you think there is danger—in which case, the letters would have to be addressed to some other point, & readdressed here. Now loved one good-night—how I long to see you. I am beginning to realize more than ever how dear you are to me. Tell dear mother if you see her I will write her soon X X X.
Mrs. Maria Munn
32 Eversleigh Road
Battersea— London S.W.
[Letter continued] March 15-87
Our Big snow storm came last night & is still doing it. It is just noon and I have only put out the lamp. The streets were as dark as night. This kind of weather seems strange to harbingers from the sunny land, Rocky Mts., but then it is not always so bad. The news that Cleveland has signed his hand to the document that interests us has not arrived yet, but we are expecting it.8 It will be a hard pill for many, while others will tire of the conditions that it will subject them to—but the finale will be the establishment & maintenance of a pure polygamy, where principle [p.103]alone, will be the paramount inducement to enter it, and our enemies will only succeed in bringing about what we should ourselves have done that is a better state of affairs in Zion. I for one, notwithstanding I sometimes get a little “whiney”, am truly thankful that I have been permitted to take the course I have, where there will be no doubt as to the object of a continuance in the same. You speak of my present situation as trial—while I am well assured that much greater ones will be required at my hand, and every other Latter-day Saint who strives to “toe the mark”—or gain an approach to it. I don’t expect to be numbered with the “true-blue”, but will be found striving for advancement in the good cause.
You say you “don’t know what Hull referred to about counsel.” Why in a number of his letters to Mrs. H. he made the statement that it was “your counsel for all to remain on this side” I am not mistaken for I read it myself. He always made out he was longing to have her there, but as it was “counsel they would have to endure the separation for a time.” Hull so often referring to the subject made me think, and wickedly too, that perhaps you were gently giving me a hint through him, that “it is good to be here.” I see now that it is he who has made a “cat’s-paw” of you. But I would not bother anything about it. They are very queer people I have found out, and would be sparing of advice if he seeks it for if anything goes wrong they will blame others—but that does not amount to much. In some of her tantrums she blames the Elders or brethren at home, (which particular ones I did not ask) for being married & in this fix, saying they were continually urging the act, in order to have a posterity raised to the departed one.9 Then she blames Jos[eph] E. [Taylor] for being here—says it was his doings etc. But pardon me darling for troubling you with such nonsense. The lady can be very amiable when she likes, and has made a marked impression on Bro. Davis. Well pet, I shall have to cultivate a little intellectuality so as to reach a higher standard of composition. At present I am trying to be domestic, but as you see plenty of that, I will not dilate on any success(!) I am glad you are improving in health and do take care of yourself. I am anxious for Clara. When she comes up prevail on her to have Dr. [Roma-[p.104]nia B.] Pratt attend to her. I fear she will never get well without thorough local treatment. My health is better than it was thanks to a kind Providence. Try to imagine a fond kiss from one who loves you more than ever. Wouldn’t I like to put my arms around your neck & look into your shining eyes once more
—forever yours, Maria
My Own Loved One,—
Your note of 25 ult. with Aimee [Woolley]’s letter enclosed to hand. Sorry to learn that Sr. Sophia Taylor is so ill.10 What a trial as you say, to her and her husband. If there is any time in the life of woman when she desires the sympathy & association of her husband, it is when she is prostrated upon a bed of affliction through physical suffering. Our enemies will certainly have a hard bill to settle. Equally strong is the desire for a woman to be with her husband when she knows he is suffering from bodily weakness. I have experienced this during your recent illness and often wished I could be near you & assist in ministering to your wants, & while away the irksome hours that are certain accompaniments to such conditions. But such right was denied me, as I fear many of the rights & obligations of honored wifehood will be denied to one who has taken the part in life’s drama that I have chosen. But I stand not alone in this matter, and can feel for my sisters who have assumed a similar role. I do not wish to complain however although I often think of these things, and content myself with resorting to Jos. E. [Taylor]’s philosophy “the thing is, as it is and cannot be any isser.” Although the quotation I have not learned.
I will not prolong this dearest, least you think I am despondent—which is not the case. Sorry Aimee could not find the switch. The locked box is my writing desk—it must be in there— a queer place to put it however. Tell them to never mind I’ll wait until I get home—Accept a loving kiss from little E & myself. Devotedly, Maria
My Own Loved One,
[p.105]Yours of Mar. 16th to hand—thanks! Also the one from ma & Emma. The last word preceding this from you bore date Feby. 22 and accompanied a letter from Aimee in the north. If you wrote between, it did not reach me. It seems to me I wrote you a letter before the one you mention of 17 of Feb. containing some sentimental verses—which I have no recollection of you acknowledging (the letter). I only mention the above to be certain none have gone astray. Glad and thankful you are better in health— ma says you still look pale, & I know you have passed through an ordeal. Sorry I did not get Clara’s letter—doubly the deprivation of the pleasure of reading it, and the risk!
I fear it will be some time after I return before I will be able to establish my equilibrium—bah! it’s just as well not express what one thinks in regard to various matters. My health is certainly on the ascendancy again, although I find I cannot put forth the amount of force, as formerly. Little E. is “quite under the weather” with cold & teething, though not seriously indisposed is preeminently fretful, and as delicate a little blossom as one meets. But withal has breathed a fragrance into my life that I never before dreamed of. She demands about ten times the care & attention that most babies her age get, the slightest relaxation on my vigilance makes itself manifest in her directly. What manner of babies are you producing now? Better physiques I trust—if so, then I will take the preponderance of the blame in the present instance. Of course you will be delighted to answer this question— especially if “twins” have made their “debut” on this terrestrial sphere. I know you are feeling good over something: I can feel the influence of it.
Miss X [Cross] leaves for Utah on the 16th inst. There has been a big rumpus in the family—her folks don’t want her to go. Her brother sent her the money & she is to marry one of the young elders here as soon as he gets through with his labors & follows her. So report has it—one “Long”. Prest. Davis has been laboring to establish peace in the household.11 Cross says the old lady “takes it so to heart that he guesses he will have to pull up [p.106]stakes and they all go together.” Any or all of them reaching that section betokens danger to us, as they are all more or less tinctured with the propensity to lie. One of their fabrications that reached Bro. Well’s ears was that I stripped before their pure lovely daughter, and went through with a series of antics in a rude condition. In conversing with Bro. Wells on the subject—he looked at me in his cute way & says “Well did you do it?” And when I emphatically replied in the negative he chuckled & said, “Well it wouldn’t have hurt me any if you had.” He is a grand old man, and we miss him notwithstanding he resided many miles from us. He dined with Sr. Hull & I during a two day’s stay, or farewell visit to the metropolis, and gave us each a present of a large glass bottle of cologne when he left. He kissed me before saying goodbye, and whispered “you are a true little woman, wife & mother, and I give you a father’s kiss & a father’s blessing,” the first sweet kiss since my departure from the valleys of the Mts. When any or all of the X’s [Crosses] reach there perhaps it would be well for “Williams” to give them a little advice in regard to bridling their tongues, as they dote on him & would take it kindly from that source. But then it is a question in my mind whether it would accomplish the desired end. Besides if he, Williams, presents himself to the “proud lady”—as she would be extremely proud to hear him term her—he might just as well doff his “chapeaux” to Dixon [Dickson] & be done with it. So you see, we are not out of danger yet—and can only wait & pray. All this comes from befriending Mrs. H. for which service she is trying in her comical—to say the least—way, to “snub” me, and has succeeded in creating a slight prejudice among some of the Office folks where I attend meeting. But this does not amount to a “hill of beans”, & to conclude, she has not the slightest thing against me, only that after a daily association with her for six months I preferred to live by myself for awhile. I find I will soon have to move from here if I follow out your injunctions to “husband my strength.” Today which is the 8th (Good Friday) I am feeling miserable again. Went to Windsor Castle yesterday and the carrying of the little maiden about, has what the English people call “knocked me up” again (tired me out). She will not let a soul touch her but me. The outing did her good however—she has been quite bright to-day. Windsor is about 100 miles from here & we got the brisk fresh breeze from the Thames all day. I tell you I enjoyed it, despite the lugging with babe. After going through the chapels and the [p.107]”state departments” which are simply grand, taking a view of the surrounding country from the “Round tower”, a breeze on the Broad Terrace, we next visited the Rosfal Mews and looked at the one hundred fine horses. These pleased Elizabeth more than all the rest of the sights put together, and made me think of her father, and the splendid way in which they are kept would have thoroughly delighted you. And their names!! Historic, patriotic & fanciful. Why “Napier” & “Roscoe Conkling” [Mattie’s horses] would have to take back seats. One of the party was acquainted with an old gentleman who has been in the (Queen’s service 47 years. He took us to the south part of the castle where his family resides, and we were entertained with a genuine “English Tea.” I remained here, while the rest of the party visited the famous college of Eton, a mile & a half distant. We reached the great city, or what we call home, about 8 p.m.
Dearest I have to laugh when I think of how you used to think you wearied me by “talking” details & see how I am giving them to you on paper!—Since beginning this and referring to the X’s [Crosses] an elder has told me that “Angie is turning out to be a first class Latter-day Saint, keeps word of wisdom, attends to duties etc. etc.,” and that we need not have any apprehension on her account, & that she is the only one going at present.12 This I am gratified to learn, but would be on my guard all the same. This has been told me that “the powers that be” in all probability have an indictment out against My Lover, and are keeping it quiet, but so soon as I return & they know what is—is! then they will spring it on you. Is there any ground for that kind of talk? What think you? Could they dismiss a case & still have an indictment?
Have been here six weeks yesterday, and have lived better and cheaper, but it’s up stairs, and I find it too much dragging with little E. Have been keeping house myself & every time I leave the room the little maiden must go also, so it’s a bucket in one hand & her on the other arm—and it will be a slow getting well about the uterus if I keep it up. Another bit of gossip is this—and I tell you because I think you ought to be posted in regard to the lady’s movements. Prest. Davis says “I have a secret to tell you.” Some time ago there was talk that Mrs. Hull was going home with Bro. Davis, but later when asked about it he [p.108]said she had changed her mind & was going to stay here. But yesterday when I was at meeting he made the above remark—& then spoke as follows—”I sail on the 7th of May, am going to take Anna with me.” I then asked if she was going all the way home with him, when he replied “she was.” I added, I wished them a pleasant voyage and a safe return home. He then said he told Anna to tell me, and she asked him to do it, [then changed her mind,] and finally concluded by enjoining the greatest secrecy upon me, as she did not wish me to know she was going. He said her going with him was none of his doings, but he had written to Bro. Teasdale for advice and he (Teasdale) sent word [that] “it was all right.” Now to-day the 12 of April I get a letter from Bro. Davis stating that since he saw me, Sr. H had received letters from Bro. H. advising her to stay in New York & he (Davis) guesses she is going to take Hull’s advice. Why Davis should interest himself in talking to me about it I can’t imagine—when it is “such a secret.”13
Now my own loved one, after all this gossip [I] will close. So Mrs. Birch has got the name of having a “bee in her bonnet.” Well I guess Birch has done some buzzing up & down the country also. I have heard of his being up from the South three times already since the return of the lady. Tell Hiram [B. Clawson] I wouldn’t mind the biggest [Deseret] Hospital rumpus they could set going if I could only be home and enjoy the delightful society of old timed friends once again. In regard to “pluck” I think after all Mrs. Birch was the pluckiest, who in the face of a degree of opposition & risk—went where she can enjoy life a thousand fold better than here in Old England. European “high-life” or first class “touring” I wouldn’t mind taking a dose of—and shall propose it when we get rich you know. But when one comes to sojourn among the middle or lower classes for any length of time, after once having become Americanized it is [a] pretty “tough go.” Something you can never realize unless you are called on a mission & get right amongst it. I have no disposition to grunt at my situation however, as nobody compels me to stay—a fear that I have of colliding with “Deps” [deputies] is the only things that keeps me here now. Good night loved one. Your little girl has been pulling her Mother during the writing of this which I have [p.109]extended over a period of a number of days. Continue to exercise faith dearest for the recovery of my womb trouble—that again has certainly been unsound since a fall I had when 17 yrs of age & having my baby has not helped matters. I often think of poor Rachel and wonder if I won’t wind up with something the same. I look pretty well, and manage to keep cheerful, so that those I meet know nothing of my trouble, as ’tis folly to parade one’s ailments to those who understand not, but I have had some of the worst spells I ever had in my life since I have been over here. But thanks to God & a tough constitution I soon rally again. Powerful uterine contractions set up every once in a while, the cause of which I am at a loss to determine and they leave me so exhausted & sore after them for days I cannot bear the weight of my clothing about me, or the bed clothes at night, & when little E. gives me a kick when I am that way it almost makes me faint. The attacks have been less frequent since I came to London, for which I am grateful. Had two severe attacks while at my uncles in Birmingham and at intervals during the summer & fall in the country, and while in the worst ones it was with difficulty I could dissuade the people from calling a physician. I did finally engage one to make an ex[am] etc., but am satisfied he knew little or nothing of the case. I do not tell this to elicit sympathy—but for you to know. And withal I am getting along pretty well, and the sojourn will not be altogether unprofitable. The experience is worth considerable. I am determined to see what can be done to make me whole— it must be a combination of faith & works I am satisfied.
Forgive me dearest for writing so much about my trouble, when you bore yours without a word. But cheer up I haven’t developed into a hypochondriac yet, notwithstanding I have prated to you so lengthily—Give my kind love to Clara [Cannon] & tell her to write me.
I don’t think you will find me lashing myself into jealous rages if you see fit to take additional young wives for eternity, & to propagate the species, as I have come to the conclusion that I am totally unfit for the work, & must be content to see others do it14— If you have directed letters to this point 32 Eversleigh Road etc, do not do so any more as I will not remain here much longer— You may direct them to Notting Hill, as that is the London Of-[p.110]fice & they can be forwarded to whatever address I may secure. This is the Office address—
31 Latimer Road
unless you think best to keep sending under cover to 42 [Islington]. I must send them stamps to defray my indebtedness as they have to attach stamps to forward here.
Won’t I be glad when I can see you at home again, notwithstanding the prospect is not a very cheerful one, thanks to our foes, if we can thank them for such measures. Glad the people are waking to duties. Accept a sweet kiss from us both and it will be a sweet one from your little dainty daughter. She is one of the most petulant touchy little dolls you ever saw—Your own Maria
Tell dear mother will write her in a day or two.
My Own Loved One,—
Your last letter received by me bears date Mar 26, and reached me over a week ago, with an enclosed letter from our friend Maria W[oolley]. The latter gave me the full particulars of the death of her little son and dear Rachel [Woolley]. What an ordeal that family has passed through—and all were so joyous & happy when I saw them last. What changes a short year brings about. They have my heartfelt sympathy—they were true friends to me.
What striking vicissitudes have our people passed through in the last three years. You say you look for a change, well I wish it would hurry up, for I am getting about sick of this way of living, and I presume many others are in the same fix. Later news regarding Mrs. Hull is that Prest. Teasdale changed his mind & thought Bro. Davis had better go with company of Saints, so as to have things managed all right at New York15—they require some-[p.111]one with ability at that point, etc. Bro. D[avis] will probably call on you—he knows who I am as do the other brethren whom I have met. These however are few. They all know however, without me placing any special “label” on myself. I am told that Sr. Birch told Bro. Horsely, he was Prest. here but has gone home; he told Crosses, & they tell all who go there, but then I don’t think anything will come of it—unless Angie is to be feared. She I presume is about there now—started on 16th. Bro. & Sr. Layton were neighbors to me for about two months in this city, have gone now. They also say they are “going to see E’s papa—when they get over & tell him how many times they kissed the little “midget.” They are queer old people—a bit of soft soaping or flattery goes very well with them, especially the old lady, who is about the cleverest lady in the world. They are honest, good Latter Day Saints I guess, & of course you will be delighted to have them bring you tidings of your absent ones. Mrs. Hull, they say has decided to stay for the present, assumes a very “high spirited” aspect & talks about going to one of the fashionable watering places. I think of going to Wales—or some point away from the crowded city as babe must have a change. She has been miserable with but slight improvement. She was bad when I wrote mother a week ago and I guess I sounded somewhat doleful in my remarks as I felt that way—sealed the letter at the time, so don’t know just what I said. I would not mind staying the full time out without saying a word, if the child was well, but when you come to be seven thousand miles from home, among unsympathizing people with a little sick baby and not a soul to look to or assist you, it’s a hard thing. I have thought strongly of crossing over with her as soon as she is strong enough for the journey. What do you say to it? What shall I do when I get there—endeavor to get a staying place or go right home? Shall wait anxiously for a reply for this.
In regard to means, I have plenty to take [us] all the way home. I do not regret for a moment coming here, if babe gets home all right—and the risk does not involve you. But the constant fear with a delicate baby makes one feel they ought to be near home. In regard to expense—it has cost me but little more than if I had stayed home & paid regular board— as Beck told [me] [p.112]here what it cost to board a lady friend with her baby over there (Utah) in a moderate way. In regard to the entire movement I shall look to you to advise, so if things go wrong you will share the responsibility(!) Of course I worry about the jeopardy it will place you in. Now answer promptly and tell me just what you think. Be sure and not intimate to any you may see from here— Layton’s etc of my anticipated movements. It is natural for people to “blab”—one sex is as bad as the other in that respect. The people here think I keep [my] spirits well, it may be just as well not to inform them otherwise should you see them. I felt pretty well until babe got so miserable. I cannot now think that she will be taken from me, still the fear of having to lay her in a foreign sod will haunt one. I think I am much more nervous than before the advent of babe. My health is better than it was, I am thankful to say, and begin to cherish hopes of getting strong about the womb—something I have not heretofore indulged in.
Now darling, they say that young wives have a tendency to keep men young-looking. This letter ought to aid materially in that direction it has such a “sunshiny” atmosphere about it—Ek! And comes about the right time—just when your brother says “the affairs of the kingdom have aged you more or as much in 16 months as the ordinary affairs of life in five years.” This is sad enough. I also hear that Jos. E. [Taylor] thinks “the [work] hangs heavy on him.” All I say is this, you might as well ease up and not go so rushingly to the… goal, for the Ship of state will sail on all right—long after such men as you stepped down & out. What I would call sheer robbery— robs we young women of our bit of laurel— the name of keeping our husbands young.
Please corner mother and be sure you get her to tell you Grandfather’s first name, and grandmother’s also, & where they lived in Wales & any other information that may aid me in a genealogical search in that locality—I have asked for this information a number of times but get no satisfaction—Mother must forget about it before she answers my letter. You get it & let me know— please.
I wrote a short letter to Mrs. Brass, stating I would visit if agreeable, as my babe was ill—and I thought a change of air would benefit her. I enclosed the letter of introduction from Bro. Williams—you remember sending it. The next day the two letters were returned with an accompanying note from the Superinten-[p.113]dent of the institute stating that Mrs. Brass had sailed for America eleven months ago. They had later heard she had gone to Utah with her niece, that they opened all mail going there as it is supposed to be connected with institution etc. You could not have heard of her departure or would have let me know. If these letters were copied & sent to our enemies it would make a “mess” for us. But do not fear this—I pen all these “annoying details,” in order to keep you correctly posted, so as not to have you tinctured with a lot of bosh as got afloat in that regard to that letter that Uncle Tom saw. Give my love to Clara. Direct a reply to this to 49 Islington. As usual I gave you the London Office address, but you need not use it now. My letters are sent from 49 to London Office & I get them from there.
You will feel harried about this letter—but I cannot help it, and I want you to be candid with me & don’t read it to anyone. I have written it under difficulties.
My Own Loved One,
Your welcome letter of Ap[ri]l 19 to hand. Glad it came as the office people (London office) were becoming concerned. All the folks hereabout get one & two letters a week but me, and I had to resort to the oft repeated explanation that you and I arranged that you were to answer all my letters, and out of consideration of your multiplicity of responsibilities I had been slow in writing … The American Exhibition is in full operation now—opened yesterday. E[lizabeth]. is somewhat better and we attend tomorrow. Thought I’d have been in the country before this, but being disappointed in going to Mrs. Brass [I] have delayed [, lacking] for the items from mother about Wales. This last letter from her contains what I want so we start for Liverpool one week from tomorrow—if the little lady is equal to it, and then by steamer to Llandudno then to Llanrwst. The former Llandudno, they say is a fearfully expensive place costing one guinea per night (five dollars and a quarter) I will not put up there at all if I can avoid it.
[p.114]The weather has set in quite warm the last few days, and there is a great deal of sickness among children—measles, whooping cough & chicken pox. Should be sorry for E to take any of these in her feeble condition but then its all luck—or chance—living as I do in a section of the great city where children swarm the street like bees around a beehive. E was exposed to chicken pox on Sunday, but shows no symptom of it so far. I heard [that] little Annie Hull was ailing and after meeting went over to see her. They live but a short distance from meeting house, [and] I am about eight or nine miles distant. Went into the house & they did not tell me what was the matter at first, & Mrs. H brought the little Annie into the room where we were, the little thing fairly covered with the eruption. Annie has been one of the healthiest children I ever saw, ever since her mother took her to Wolverton last August—fat & rosy. This is her first illness since then, and this is but a slight affair, but it tells more on the mother: She looked pale and miserable on Sunday & I did feel sorry for her, but don’t say anything to Hull as she soon picks up spirit again. I think she is more mercurial in that respect than myself—more up & down. Two weeks ago, a little less, Bro. Davis & Sis. Hull called to see me. She was talking about going to Brighton but said she heard it was very high board & was undecided. I jokingly remarked, “you had better come to Wales with me.” Sorry I said it afterword. Bro. D. has been considered a very pious, zealous, straight walking missionary, and I have seen nothing to the contrary. The young missionaries called him “too straight laced.” While he was down stairs trying to convert my landlord, Sis. Hull cried to me & said he, Davis, had been wheedling money out of her—had got five pounds ($25) out of her one way or another, had borrowed [another] five pounds, and in coming from the station to my place that day had asked her for a third five pounds, which she said she did not promise to let him have. In addition to this, she had furnished the means to emigrate one young girl upon his solicitation. And last but not least, that he was one of the worst huggers, kissers & slaubberers [sic] she had ever met, & that she was positive he was trying to get her away from Hull etc. [Davis] had told her that he had been told from a reliable source, that he (Hull), went to Kate Flint’s etc. How is this for a bit of gossip? Wouldn’t Fred fume? The above is just as she told it to me— pruned of numerous minor details. Shortly after this she invited me to visit her, and went over the same ground, [p.115]putting Davis down as one of the most deceptive and mean men in the world. Of course a margin can be allowed for Anna is a queer stick, but still there is considerable in it. And I feel sorry for Davis, for his proceedings will certainly be heralded about now that she is cross with him. He is a poor man and I believe has labored diligently here in many ways. I fear his eyes at the close of his mission became dazzeled with her glittering bait and he thought “it no harm for those who had an abundance to share with those who had none” & consequently gave her a bit of hugging and kissing for it. She flings gold sovereigns about as freely as English people would copper pennies & more so than some. And yet I think it not inherent extravagance but a lack of common sense on her part.
Bro. Davis, (the subject of the above talk) & Morris have been here to tea—the 4 o’clock meal is called “tea” here, but then we Utonions don’t have tea all the same. Neither [Davis nor Morris] were at the branch I attended on Sunday so I left word for Bro. Morris to call as I wish him to assist me to the depot next week. They told Davis instead of Morris & the latter having business in this section dropped in, so they were both here. Davis wished to know if I did not wish to send a kiss to you through him. I respectfully declined stating that I kept you well supplied by mail. You will find him quite bland and affable, and I imagine him to be a keen reader of human nature, and so far as your little wife is concerned, has been a friend & gentleman.
Well loved one, I have gossiped away & done little towards answering your letter—but then there was not much to answer. I am looking for the one you promised to write “in a few days.” In regard to my health and the letter of mother’s you refer to, I think [it] was written when I employed Dr. Croft to treat me in the country I had been running about for Mrs. Hull—assisting her to get ready to cross the ocean as I thought. I then took cold—which in common terms “settled” in my weak spot and I got in such a condition in that I could not be on my feet at all, without suffering considerable pain. I described my condition to mother, & said in your letter that mother would tell you what ailed me, I did this for the reason that I did not feel like writing the thing all over again without any thought of keeping you in the [p.116]dark. I think Mrs. H told Hull something about it, for he wrote back “I do pity Mrs. Munn poor thing, I wonder what will become of her” & Anna read it to me. Of course it made me feel good, as above all things I relish being pitied(!)
One thing be assured of, that I am certainly better lately thanks to your zeal & faith which I firmly believe has done me more good than all the treatment combined. However, I am a firm believer in faith & works, so resort to such methods of doctoring as I think proper. Am a little down again, the effects of my trip to meeting & Mrs. H’s, but then the “downs” do not last so long as formerly nor are they nearly so severe—a most encouraging feature and I cherish hopes of being sound someday please God. The thoughts of this lingering ailment has been the only source of any despondency I may have cherished in my own account. Of course I get anxious about babe. I must not be too jubilant—for I have seen such feelings too often followed by most discouraging symptoms. In regard to the “Noble part” you say I have played—I would not dilate on that—as the reward is to those who “endure to the end,” and I am not at all assured as to my powers of “holding out.” To tell the truth, I sometimes get a bit alarmed at the feelings of disgust that get possession of me—I believe I become disgusted when some others despond. I then resort to a soliloquy of this kind, in my endeavors to chase away such feelings: that if Plural Marriage at this stage of the Church’s history is worth anything, it is worth everything, & the best way is to make the best of the conditions it subjects us to. I still wish your opinion about going home or near there, as I may take the notion to cross any time. The anxiousness or desire for an immediate passage or voyage has passed with the improvement of our darling’s health. She is my little barometer & my spirits rise and fall as her physical condition fluctuates.
Thank dear mother for the items she sent I also desire the first name of my grandparents as it would look queer looking up dates concerning them & not know their names; also names of father’s brothers as far as she knows. Be sure to direct my mail to Liverpool as formerly. I trust none comes here after I am gone as the lady of the house is inquisitive. M. B. Shipp sails on 21st, has labored in this city but has never caught a glimpse of me. Be guarded what you say to Davis—do not let him know I desire to return or that I have posted you in regard to he & H. You say [p.117]offspring is Mrs. H’s chief desire. A laudable one no doubt, but the way she has talked about getting Annie a little brother has called forth some comment. Bro. Layton, in his blunt way says “Hull had better get her over there somewhere where he can attend to her.”
Now dear one, will close & you are glad—Ain’t I developing into a “tittle tattle”? We must progress in some direction. I am determined to keep you posted in regard to matters here, [even] if it isn’t very instructive, & so send Minor’s, Clawson’s et. al. the responsibility. Mrs. Minor’s sister sailed a week ago—not an u[nder] g[rounder].
My best love to my best boy—Maria
P.S. Love to Clara & Sis’s D[uncanson]. Tell dear mother [I] will write her in a day or so—accept, many kisses from one who loves you.
May 14th 1887
My Own Dear Martha:—
I received your favor of 27th ult. this morning and with sorrow learned that my little daughter was poorly. I rejoiced that you entertained hopes of being better yourself and hastened to see mother and enquire the given names of your Grandfather and Grandmother in Wales. She would not be home until next week so I left [the] letter with Birdie16 and have just returned to write these few hasty lines. I must say: my brother’s testimony is not to be relied upon about my tending to age fast, beyond all precedent, for all I have met on the street assure me they never saw me look better than I do now, so far as they gave any expression about my appearance. I would also desire to relieve you of all apprehension relating to the burden I am led to believe I now carry by way of performing my duty in the affairs of the Church. I never have felt to say:—”what would this Church do without me or either of my counselors and if one of them has felt that he bore [p.118]its burdens or made it a success he has been very vain and foolish?” I on the other hand have felt—”what would I or any of us do, if it were not for this church, that God has established, it has made me what I am.” I know the work, as you properly remark, will go on and progress when I am no longer here. I feel that I am weak and when I have done my best, if I feel any thing, it is the thoughts, that rise within me of my weakness and inability to do all that I feel I ought to do, occupying so high a station before the Lord and this people. Neither do I desire you to think I worry myself to death about anything. I try to remember what you often remarked, when you were with me,—i.e. “try and take care of yourself.” I accordingly desire to retain my strength, manhood and life for your sake and my little daughter’s as well as all others that God has given me. Should I only possess life and lose my vigor, strength or manhood I would be of no comfort to myself much less to any one else. I have sent the other two letters out today. I know Amy will be delighted, as she looked down when I saw her, in that she had received no reply to hers. I only wonder my dear girl that you have held out as well as you have. You have done 100% better than I could have expected you to do under the circumstances in which you have been placed. I now say: I desire you to do that which is going to be for your and our child’s greatest good. Whatever that is I shall be most happy to have carried out—without regard to the effect it will have on me. I am ready to go through anything to promote the life of our child and your happiness. I have changed the address of your papers to 42 Islington. I saw Hull yesterday but got no chance to do more than shake hands. He appeared to have nothing to say. Lewis will start on 26 inst.17 An excursion goes on 30 inst. I should rejoice to be permitted to go along and stay a month with you. I have been tempted to ask permission—although there is no one in sight to take charge. I do not want you to cross until you hear from me again. If it is not proper that I join you, I am willing for you to do any thing most agreeable to you, without regard to consequences to me. With kindest love and earnest embrace I am as ever and for ever yours
May 17, 1887
My Own Dear Martha:
[p.119]It is midnight and I hasten to again write you relating to the matters of which you spoke in yours of 27th ult. When I wrote you on the 14th inst., in answer to your very interesting letter of aforesaid date, I felt it my duty to join you and consult [you] relating to what would be for the greatest good to our little treasure. I accordingly said: “An excursion goes on 30th inst., I should rejoice to be permitted to go along and stay a month with you. I have been tempted to ask permission, although there is no one in sight to take charge.” In accordance with the above suggestion: I hurried off to lay my project before my president [John Taylor], that I might know the will of the Lord and his servants upon the effect my absence would prove upon the great cause, under existing circumstances were I to absent myself for two or more months.
It required all the assurance I could possibly muster to state my case—when I saw him, inasmuch as I witnessed his great desire to push the great work forward at the cost of his domestic enjoyment—and for the time being at least the society of his loved family. He attends day by day to his regular duties and the business of the church and nothing is neglected more than it would be were he seated quietly in his own office, while his appearance plainly indicates that he is ageing, and is quite ill from the restraint he has been so long under. While he is very slow to acknowledge that he is sick and should have rest from all care. He stands at his post to maintain God’s work and will continue to fight off the dogs who assail his people, regardless of all consequences to himself or the comfort of his family.
I told him I felt impressed to join you and would desire to be released from my care of affairs here for the space of two months, provided he felt God would justify me. He seemed to be in deep sympathy with me and mine and said he would think of it. Several hours after, I was called on and he said: “It appears to me that the distance is too great to be traversed in the hope of doing much good in the time you have mentioned, while the critical state of our people’s affairs without anyone upon whom I can rely to attend to the affairs of so many of our people as are now subject to your watch[ful] care. I however leave the matter with you to say whether you will go or not.” As I looked at him in the majesty of his appearance I answered: “I have enlisted with all I [p.120]possess in the great work of the Lord, and my family feel as I do and would not have me leave my post in a time when my presence is needed. I shall stand by you and dedicate my loved ones to the Lord as you have set me the example to do.” It pleased him and he complimented me on the good work I was doing and the satisfaction he felt in the instruction I gave to the people and the front I presented to the enemy. I tell you my dear Martha, I could not leave him and my post when I saw the earnest look upon his face and sensed how very ill he was. Of this I beg of you my dear Martha, say nothing, as it will do no good to speak of it, but may be the cause of much harm.
I only write all this that you may know the motives that actuated me to decide as I have done. I expect Lewis, as I before wrote, to call upon you, and I trust he may be able to comfort you. He is good and pure—but innocent and inexperienced in the ways of the world. I expect they will send him to Germany. Should he be kept in England I would be pleased to have you near him. I must leave the matter of crossing the ocean with our darling entirely to you. I am satisfied you can cross the ocean and make yourself comfortable in the East if our charge can sustain the ocean voyage. You must be the judge for I do not know her condition.
I would not advise you to let Mrs. Hull or anyone know your intentions, except those you are compelled to trust to organize your passage. It would be well to pass on a ship with as few of our people as is possible, that they may not talk. If you will consult with President Teasdale or a discreet agent, I think it would be the wisest plan, and arrange matters to live retired on this side—or come right through by veiling yourself (or otherwise disguising yourself). I am satisfied I could manage to direct your movements here to be safe. It has been suggested that President Teasdale has a cypher to use by which he can communicate to James Jack upon the course you propose to pursue, that I may be properly advised; you can say that the President gave me liberty to say to any of our agents, that they are to aid you and I in this respect by any means in their power. Should you need more means I will send what you need immediately or you can draw on me through 42 Islington, what you need; you must not neglect my child for want of means. I shall write you in a few days. Kiss my little babe for me and accept my warmest love for you and her. [p.121]May God protect you both until we meet is the earnest prayer of yours now and forever—Arthur Munn
My Own Loved One—
Your precious letters of Ap[ri]l 29th and 6th [no longer extant] (I guess you meant the latter for May 6th), are to hand. Glad to learn you had such a nice time meeting the Queen of the Islands. How I wish the times were such that we ladies could publicly associate with, accompany & share the honors of our noble lord. I think we would get along nicely with an ordinary “plurality”, but we are having such an extraordinary one now that I get a bit discouraged at times and wonder if some of us ever will have any respectable married life, on this sphere anyway—or must we only look forward to the next stage of existance for the fulfillment of our hopes? Then I am wicked enough to indulge in thoughts like these. If I had the thing to do over again, I would make sure of a little recognition here, by wedding something “Golden” for instance ah hem! And then when I behold a morsel of sweetness interlarded in the extremely practical letters of a polygamist to an absent wife, I say to myself Oh yes! that’s a “little taffy” given to cheer her up a bit while he is having a jolly time with his other wives. Now old fellow does it make you feel good! (What I have written I mean.) I put it on paper to let you understand that my isolation has not quite made an angel of me yet. A little jealousy you say—whatever you like to call it. I heard an Elder say the other day that “there was no true love without jealousy.” So attribute it to true love my Loved One, and forgive me for saying mean things, for I always feel mean when I do it, and am never so happy as when my heart goes out in loving remembrances to you alone.
Do not think I doubt you
I know thy truth remains
I would not live without you
For all this world contains
Thou art the star that guids’t me
[p.122]Across life’s troubled sea
And whatever fate betide me
My heart will turn to thee.
Shall be pleased to meet “Lewis”. How my heart aches for Emmeline. Babe I think will soon get a change for the better. She has cut some important teeth and now I am in the midst of weaning her, and a royal time I am having, but I’ll not dilate on it. Others have traversed the same path ere my day & verily shall have their reward—or ought to. I tell you it requires more stamina to resist her precious pleadings than to do some things that are termed “heroic” in life. “And did you really live through it?” (very softly) “They say I did.” Times of this kind, put a mental strain on the mother, while the physical reaction is something. My breasts are immense, with accumulated lactial fluid—and ache oh! oh! while head & back join in with sympathy. Now don’t go and read these symptoms to our dear old Doc—whom you insist on spelling with a “K”. The uterine contractions I have experienced, I now attribute partially or entirely to the use of an imperfect syringe—one that sucked air & air is something the interior of the uterus will not tolerate, & being sore, proceedings of that kind (contractions) made it “sorer”—Upon close inspection the syringe showed no marked defect but since I have abandoned its use for another I get along better—While I am certain as I live, your prayers are being heard in my behalf—Yes the “doctor” is a “grand old man” one of God’s noblemen, and after having settled for certain delinquencies in this life, will certainly reach the altitude assigned to those who are in possession of superior moral and intellectual faculties. Such gifts are from God.
Anna got thoroughly disgusted with pious Davis before he left, and it having “leaked” about his attentiveness to certain ladies, it appears A[nna] was not the only lady he made love to. Some one or two young ladies were brought under his fascination. I went to the theatre with him one night—but “Pon honor” he didn’t “do sweet” to me. Well I said it leaked a bit, & the elders here abouts “rigged” him a little, & Bro. Ballard read a clipping of a sermon of John Henry Smith’s where love making by Elders over here, was strictly forbidden. Davis then goes very privately, as he thought, to Sr. Hull, apologizes for his conduct, and had prayers with her. As you say she has the faculty of telling it all, so we all heard of it. Bro. Davis however was made Prest. of the [p.123][emigration] Company and assumed a very proper dignity in conducting the affairs there of, I hear. He sailed on 21 st and will call on you—& it’s mean in me to foreherald his little “flaws”—to none other would I do it. I know your charity & experience in dealing with matters of gossip. You mention an excursion and how you would like to pop over if!—if!!—if!!! etc. Yes there are important, irradicable, ifs in the way—and if there were not, you would find it all “vanity and vexation of spirit.” I tell the truth, so cease to think of the mighty ocean. As for me, my anxiety to cross has subsided—& so long as babe goes on moderately well I’ll skirmish about over here. But when the time is up, and I can meet you once more it will be the most joyous period of my life I am so anxious for the time to go on so that I can meet & associate with my dear cousin who I am certain is more lonely and desolate with husband, & near relatives, than I am a thousand miles from all I hold dear, except my little cherub who is the sunshine of my life. Thanks to the Lord for the experience of a mother. It would make your heart ache to read her cousin’s letter. How I wished I could fly to her, and talk to her. Tell mother to see she gets my letter at as early a date as is consistent with “caution”. She is a noble girl and I know as well as I know I live, she will yet be brought up out of the depths.
In regard to means—I have something over one hundred and fifty dollars at the Liverpool office—as I told you enough to take me home. If all goes well on the 14th of July I want to be in Paris. That is National Day of the French and there is a grand display in the metropolis “Paree”. It’s poor policy to be so near the gay capitol & not see it. So pet if you could forward a little to be here by, or a little before then, I will like it—not that I think I will spend a great deal for I won’t … While there is a “boom” I wouldn’t mind my section on the rocky hill being disposed of, if it did not go into the hands of our “enamays” as B[isho]p McRae calls them.18 I was offered $50 once if I would purchase a piece of land from him & then transfer it to an apostate to whom he would not sell. The parties had a high estimate of my saintliness to ask me. Good night my loved one—Little E[lizabeth] is sucking her lips in her sleep, & dreams she has “titty,” I guess. Wouldn’t I like to give you a good kiss tonight—Your ever devoted little Maria.
May 28 
[p.124]Bro. & Sis. L[ayton]. come to Lon[don] again for a weeks visit, left today, sail next week, will call on you. They made the proposition & of course I sanctioned it. They are good hearted old people—be nice to them. Have been reading of your nice conference, & how busy you have been, and the nice things you said. I dwelt on every word & could see you as you spoke.19 How I long to see you once more, but honestly loved One, I do not want you to come here—I thought how mean, in the midst of your work, for me to worry you about home—but you will forgive me & I’ll be good, until the next time—Lovingly your little Maria
May 31, 1887
My Dear Martha:
Your favor of 11th inst. reached me on 28th, and I have deferred answering it until now. I called and took strawberries and cream with [your] father and mother on Sunday evening and exchanged sentiments. She brought Hugh [Mattie’s half-brother] back with her to go to school and reported his mother better than she expected to find her. The father told her he intended to pay up his tithing that he might go to the house of the lord and do his work. I have no doubt but that you will rejoice in this as his wife feels very anxious about it. Your father’s father’s name was Thomas Hughes. He died and was buried at Elk Horn, Nebraska. His wife’s name was Mary, her maiden name is not known [Lloyd]. Their children as far as are now remembered are Catherine, Thomas, Hugh, Peter. Four other sons died young and are supposed to be buried near Llanrwst, North Wales. I regret to be unable to furnish you with more information than this. I said you would write soon.
[p.125]It is with great joy I learned through your last that E[lizabeth] is better than she has been, but I sorrow that you are unwell. I feel that could you be better our little darling would recover. I continue to have you both prayed for with faith that you will be made well. It was our Sister Lottie [Paul] that picked the strawberries. Brother [Angus] Cannon takes Sister E[liza] R. S[now] S[mith] for a short ride in your buggie each day, except Sunday, and is gratified with the result—although he has to carry her in his arms to and from it. She remarked to him the other day: “I wonder what M. would say could she see me riding with you and holding on to your arm so very affectionately.” He replied “She would be delighted to know that he can, [and] the cart be of benefit to you.” It is with regret I see her so thin, yet when we realize how old she is, it is not to be wondered at.
I can add nothing to what I before said of the modesty of the Dr. [Romania B. Pratt Penrose] who treated me [for hemorrhoids], as a matter of course, I supposed you would understand why I was so modest, i.e. it is sufficient for me to know that I underwent a most rigid examination at the hands of one I have every confidence in, and was by her pronounced “not wanting in any particular!” Under these circumstances I do not desire to be exhibited as a perfect specimen of manhood, to correct what I believe to be a wrong impression that once exhibited in her mind, from my belief that what she once had [Parley P. Pratt, Jr., Romania’s former husband] was unnatural compared with what she now enjoys [Charles W. Penrose, her current husband], as I mentioned, the grounds of my fears of dissatisfaction on my part when he afterwards dispelled every thing as he remarked: “she says she enjoys her present lot [Charles W. Penrose] beyond anything she possessed before.” I was once reminded of what I once heard said of a man’s experience who was most anxious to learn how he was appreciated compared with his predecessor, when he was more than satisfied by her saying: “I like you better than I did him (and it being a day of progression), I expect I shall like the next better than I do you!” It is by contrast we are made sensible by our condition. Bro. Williams has been gone a month and I am just in receipt of a letter from him, which makes encouraging reports of his doings. I trust you will understand where he is gone. I saw E[mma] F[inch] yesterday when I reported your receipt of her letter and that you would answer it at a [p.126]future time; she said she approved of your prudence and remarked “I shall send her some Lily’s of the Valley, as I know she will appreciate them as I do the lovely posies, she was so kind as to send me.”
On The 26th I was startled through a telegram received by Bro. [William C.] Spence dated Hammond, K[ansa]s (which is 1300 miles east of here) which said: J. H. Kimball20 fell from the train and is dieing. I am here alone. (signed) Lewis M. Cannon. His father telegraphed him later, to ascertain, if possible, how Elder Kimball was, when another dispatch was received saying: “He died at 12:45 p.m.” His father then wired him as follows: “Doctor will embalm the body and forward it, you will forward his affects to Spence and proceed upon your mission by first train.” Since that time his father has received no word except that the body arrived on the evening of the 30th, and is to be buried at 2 p.m., on the first from 17th ward assembly room [that coming] through a postal card just sent me by his mother dated 27th inst. [The card] says “[he] will proceed east at 7:00 p.m., of the same day, having written the particulars of Elder K’s death to his father.” (which has not come to hand yet)
I went to Provo yesterday morning on business and witnessed a conversation between Pres. Angus M. Cannon and Dr. Benedict (who was one of the excursion to Europe, although he said he contemplated remaining one week in Long Island before continuing his journey) when he said: “have you any word to send, by me, to anyone in England, Brother Cannon? The latter replied (as I thought with great caution) “My son Lewis has gone there, should you see him I desire you to give him my love and assure him he possesses my greatest confidence that he will faithfully perform his part.”
The Dr. was not to be put off with this and followed it up by saying: “Don’t you want to send word to anyone else, as it will be a pleasure for me to serve you in any way?” At this, Bro. C. replied again: “Yes, I have many friends over there. Give my love to Brother Teasdale and all associated with him in the great work. Say to them I am always interested in hearing of their success.” I [p.127]need not say more to you as I do not like people to appear to possess so much interest. This, Bro. C. says is the first time they have met to speak since I saw you last. I shall be glad to learn that Brother Teasdale has consented to permit Brother Lewis Cannon to stay long enough in England to accompany you to the Isle of Mann, or any other part you may desire to visit, and, as I before wrote you, I shall remit the amount of his expense, and supply you upon your writing me what is needed.
Sister E[mma] F[inch] and the D[uncanson]s desire me to give you their love, while it gives me pleasure to report all yours in good health, and only anxious for you. I am gratified to know you realize I appreciate your kisses by letter while absent, rather than through Brother Davis. I read him correctly years ago, I regret to say. I am not surprised, but should have been had you reported him different from what you have. Hull said recently: “Mrs. H. has decided to remain in England.”
God bless and heal you my loved one, while I would have you both [consider] yourselves hugged and kissed many, many times. I am as ever yours A. Munn
P.S. My brother David got in yesterday and Clara will be in tomorrow. A.M.
June 8, 1887
My Own Dear Martha:
Sister D[uncanson]s have just brought me the accompanying letter with a request that I mail it to you. I learn that Lewis M. Cannon, by a letter written his mother, would not sail from N.Y. until yesterday. He manifests an excellent spirit in the letter he writes, and I am anxious that he obtain permission to visit with you, at my expense, and aid you in visiting the Isle of Mann or Wales or somewhere that will be good to you and our little darling. I continue to have you prayed for and feel assured you will yet be made well. Brother Cannon continues to take Sis. E[liza] R. S[now] S[mith] for a ride each day that he can get time, and although he has to carry her to and from his buggie, she is mending fast. She is very thin but bright and hopeful. She delights to talk of you and told Brother Cannon in company of [p.128]some sisters you “occupy a place in my affections next to my brother Lorenzo.” I told him I thought he should feel honored with such a declaration. I have my misgivings regarding the motives actuating Dr. Benedict in visiting Europe. I cannot conceive of the motive that would actuate him to inquire of Bro. C.: “if he had any word to send across the sea,” and follow upon the enquiry as he did do, unless he possessed an uncommon interest in such matters.
I should accordingly like you to be on your guard and advise those at the office, who are acquainted with my friend [Mattie] and her movements, to confide nothing in him or any one likely to trust him. I feel assured that brighter days are nearing you my dear girl. Accept my kindest love, and kiss my babe for me, and know how much I would give to hold you to my heart. I am now and forever yours, A. Munn.
June 15, 1887
My Own Dear Martha:
I am very anxious to learn how you and our little daughter are. Yesterday I was invited in company of Brother A.M. Cannon to attend a reunion of Pres. H[eber] C. Kimball’s family. As Bro. C. gazed upon his likeness representing the full stature of Brother Kimball, he said when called upon to address the assembled family: “He could think of nothing less than the magnificent Mississippi river that in its quiet grandeur washed the lovely shores of our beloved Nauvoo.”
“In looking upon his surviving wives he could not help realizing that they were tributary to his greatness, and glory, as was the branches of the great river, and while they, in their turn, were made immortal by their branches that led unto the eternal snows of these heaven reaching mountains making habitable the otherwise barren wastes below—so, they with their children and descendants are made famous in the lives and increase of their children, who are fed with truths most glorious to know that they under the everlasting covenant now live so near the heavens may bless all their associates with their influence and so glorify their father’s being” etc. etc.
[p.129]After the exercises, I called with Judge Lee of Rich Co., at your father’s house when I learned he had been very sick but was then better. The family were as well as could be expected. I saw Hugh peaking through the half open door at me. I plucked some coral honeysuckle near the door, and also a moss rose bud that I have since worn in the button hole of my coat and now propose enclosing them to you that you may know I have not forgotten to prize everything associated with the early house of my absent one. I have received a nice letter from Lewis while at N.Y. I shall write him soon. Roscoe was here the other day and looks well. I imagine myself seeing you drive him, before long, in a nice new rig when I shall feel that your life and that of our child will not be as drear as they are now, where you are denied the recognition you are entitled to. Clara returned two weeks since accompanied by all except the youngest of the two small girls that she left to assist her daughter. I would be glad to “treat her” (?) if I thought I could, and she would come where I am. As it is, I have not had an opportunity to talk, confidential, with her alone, and when I have invited her to call upon me she has declined in that she does not feel well. I hope you are making calculations upon having a good time with Lewis. I have had a visit from Brother Davis and talked about my loved ones, anxious to learn all I possibly could about how you look. I wish you could get your likenesses taken and send them to me.
Sister E[liza] R. S[now] S[mith] has written you a piece, she proposes to copy for me to send you, as I told her you would prize it most from her own hand.21 Meyer [Hull] has told me he expects his sweetheart is going to remain on that side for some time. I continue to exercise faith and have you prayed for. Kiss my little darling for me and accept many for yourself. Give my love to Lewis and believe me to be as ever your, A. Munn
[p.130]My Own Loved One:—
Your pleasant letters pertaining to my crossing the ocean duly to hand, and this morning yours of the 24th ult.— describing the start with Lewis and your parting at Bluff Dale—dear old place. I recall the day when I had a pleasant ramble through its shaggy nooks and it seems to me some one made love to me too. Poor Lewis he has had a sad experience since starting with you that day. I read of the accident to his friend in the News. I think none of your folks were more delighted than myself when I heard you were not coming—Somehow I have always felt it was not the thing for you to do and was a bit annoyed when I read you was thinking seriously of the matter—I can hardly account for the way you have taken my repeated expressions on that subject unless it was on the principle that a woman means the opposite or reverse of what she says—but Old Boy you will find I am not that kind of a woman before you get through with me. I had to smile when I read of how you had to muster your courage to lay your case before our President, and can imagine I see his noble features—as you sought counsel about leaving for a time a post of honor and duty that no one questions the efficiency with which you fill it, in order to travel seven thousand miles in the hope of “comforting a woman up for a month.” Think how it sounds!!— She too, a woman I might add—whom men so far, have had but poor success in comforting. I lost a microscope once through basking in the comforting society of a handsome southerner when I should have been studying my books. And who knows but what I might now be ascending the ladder of fame professionally had I not stopped to be comforted up a bit by a Manx man for instance. [B]ut to ease your mind on this subject I will add I do not regret this latter comforting process, nor the former either for that matter—it was interesting to be sure! Even if I did lose a microscope on the strength of it. I now realize that had I not joined my destiny with yours at the time I did, that there was more danger of my ascending “Old Nick’s” highway than becoming famous in any legitimate cause—as I was just at that time being strongly and secretly flattered from sources that I am now certain boded no good, had the thing been followed up. And who knows but what the circumstances I am now placed in—and at which like a pampered colt I frequently chaff—will yet prove my salvation. I [p.131]feel that way. A note from Campbell tells me Lewis arrives in Liverpool today so I must write him. Should have been delighted to have met him at 42 Islington & gone to Island but precious babe is down with the measles. She had not hardly got over fretting for titty when she took this complaint, but she is going on beautifully so far. Was all ready to start to a place near Brighton when babe took ill. This place is a good one & I think will do little one good, so soon as she is sufficiently recovered will start. It is a place that one of the elders engaged for St. Hull, but she afterwards decided to go to Switzerland, and knowing I was thinking of going into the country asked me to take it so as not to disappoint the people—it being a moderate price. She would have liked me to have gone to Switzerland with her, and is very nice with me now, and has apologized for some of [her] little peculiar doings. She amuses me but I have no intention to get too closely associated with her again. You say she intends remaining in England. Truthfully she would not remain here another month if she had someone to do all the management of crossing, and get her located on the other side. She pa[id] the fare of one of the London elders to take her to Dover and see her settled on the steamer—her relatives will meet her on the other side of the channel. It appears that this is a family of relatives that were more favorable than the others—and that they have moved to another section—so she is going to live with them. [S]ays if they are not what she expects she will go to Berne where there are a lot of elders. The elders are real accommodating to her, and she in return pays them well, so she is doing considerable good with her means in that way. The elders as a rule are pretty short of means—so it is good she can help them a little.
Monday morning 20th. A letter from Lewis—and yours of 31st ult. to hand. Lewis got my letter Sat. night—says he will be here today or tomorrow—and oh! oh! won’t I be glad to see him. My landlady says I am as jubilant as if it was my husband coming—not quite! I say—I speak of him as my nephew—my husband’s sister’s son—how is that. Lewis signs himself, “your son, nephew, or something else.” What would his mother say to that? And do you know—I don’t remember just whose son he is. Now old pet I will not talk much more to you, as my mind is on the young man. It is very hot and I guess he would like some ginger beer or lemonade, or something to cool off with. Babe is doing [p.132]O.K., and since I weaned her. I am getting splendid Tell … dear Mother I am feeling all right.
Your loving little Maria
June 29, 1887
My own dear Martha:
I have just returned from a delightful ride with Aunt E[liza] R. S[now] S[mith] who enjoyed it very much. She is now able to get out of the buggie alone, and she says it is the easiest one to ride in that she has had the privilege to try. I have just had it repainted and varnished and it looks nice. It is the one I got from you. I remarked to her as we rode along: “I would be rejoiced to be privileged to enjoy a ride over the same road with its old owner.” (I should have said former owner.) She replied: “it is equally important that she obtain the experience she is now passing through to qualify her for the high destiny she will yet attain unto.”
I cannot tell you how much I prize the presence and words of such a woman—every expression is a very gem growing out of mature thought. She dislikes taking my time that she knows is in such great demand. I accordingly satisfy her by saying: I need the rest I thus obtain and realize a good from the ride equal with herself.
It will be a week tomorrow since I accompanied the “Old Folks” to Ogden. It was truly an enjoyable time, and the Ogden people done themselves great credit in the bounteous supply of good things prepared as creature comforts for the aged fathers and mothers of our people, with the many vehicles provided for their transportation to the “Lester Park,” in which a spacious pavilion was occupied for the services. I noticed Angus M. Cannon was on his feet all the way to Ogden, shaking hands and talking with the aged and their attendants amongst whom I noticed your aged father with your mother as his attendant. When Bro. Cannon was called to address them he did not fail to tell them how the conceit of youth was knocked out of him that morning while he was assisting to see that all were transported from the cars, when a young gentleman punched him in the ribs and said: “Say, [p.133]dad, you’d better get in and go up.” I noticed your mother at meeting on Sunday, but suppose the fatigue was too great for your father.
I have no doubt but that you have seen the signs of our efforts to secure statehood. Our enemies are alarmed for they do not know what it means. I am not alarmed over the movement but cherish hopes that good may come of it.
I called with J[ohn] W. T[aylor] on Saturday to see your old doctor (not docktor) and got him to visit a friend who is thought to be in a dangerous condition, from indications of swelling limbs etc.22 (I trust you will realize this is strictly confidential). I am pleased to report that he thinks he can relieve him if he will take his proposed remedies. The Dr. remarked it was with much dignity he was received and it took some time to make the chief to understand that nothing improper was intended. The Dr. said: Your family are anxious about you and Brother _____23 and your son John W. called upon me and desired I should call upon you. After this he got along better and remained with him over one day and two nights.
Under the circumstances the Dr. was made to feel that if there was anything our chief could do for his comfort he would most gladly do it. They conversed on many pleasing topics and were delighted in each others society, when the Dr. was made to appear as the one who was ailing and needed comfort from the grand old man in whose presence he found himself. After two hours [of] animated conversation, the latter was prevailed upon to lie down and after dinner he devoted himself to another hours conversation and finally conceded that he thought perhaps his kidneys were somewhat affected but nothing serious. The Dr. says: “I view his symptoms as bad.”
I presume you have seen by the papers that Dr. Romania B. P[ratt] P[enrose] has succeeded to the position of resident-physician and manager at the hospital, Dr. [Jane S.] Richards having resigned. I am persuaded that all trouble has not ceased [p.134]with that institution yet. I however have had nothing more to say concerning it or any of its officers since I last wrote you concerning it.
Brother Williams was East and has contributed largely to opening a prospect for our admission [into the union as a state] (I say this in confidence I would here remark). We anticipate a joint celebration of the 4th of July.24
I hope Lewis is with you by this time and that he will assist you in viewing the sights etc. I sent him $65 last week and will send what is needed to pay his expenses to assist you. Kiss my little bird and accept many kisses from me and my most affectionate embrace. Also give my love to Lewis. I am now and forever your devoted, Arthur Munn
ps. I enclose you a tribute from the hand and pen of your dear friend Sis. E[liza] R. S[now] S[mith] and said you would prize it more highly from her hand.
My Own Loved One,—
After writing to you in letter preceeding this I learned from Lewis that he would not be down to London on Monday, 20 June, but [would] stay over until following Thursday, and so miss the grand Jubilee Celebration25 which I was sorry to hear as I knew he would have enjoyed the sights immensely. His reason for not coming was that the brethren at “42” [Islington] told him that the City would be so crowded then that it would be impossible for him to get accommodations. While at the same time I had a place secured for him and was specially prepared to meet and make him welcome — Bro. Teasdale had given his consent for him to visit anywhere we thought proper had I been able to go. Babe [p.135]appeared to be getting along so nicely on Thursday that that morning I telegraphed him, if he had not started, to wait for me and I would start for Liverpool the following morn—Friday— which I did, & met him & folks at 42 [Islington] at 3 p.m. Little E[lizabeth] standing trip O.K. I tell you I was glad to see the dear boy—and he me I fancy, as I believe he was getting a bit lonesome at “42” although he is such a plucky fellow that he won’t acknowledge anything of that kind. Your photos are splendid Loved One but I don’t know whether they have done me any good or not—as I want to see you more than ever now, and nine or ten months seem such a long time before I can meet the only man that I have truly loved. Now ain’t I a “whiner” while at the same time I would not have you come here if my consent was the essential thing to bring you to my side.
The following morn after reaching Liverpool, Lewis and I started for North Wales and I assure you we have had a glorious time. It has been a feast of good things for me and I don’t think it has been altogether unprofitable to the young missionary by the way. He has been filling up his journal with interesting notes. We spent two days in the little picturesque town of Llanrwst: the home of my ancestors and collected sufficient genealogical data to delight dear mother when I get it copied and placed in her hands. I begin to feel that my sojourn on a foreign strand will not be altogether in vain. Notwithstanding I have felt to complain at times, the hand of the Lord is in it. We have travelled over considerable ground in North Wales in five days and seen some of its grandest & wildest scenery which has made me think more of my mountain home than anything I have had to remind me of it since I left. Babe has stood the trip splendidly & seemed to improve in health until last night, when she got out of sorts entirely, but nothing serious I trust. Was awake all night with her—but she is now sleeping until midday—and I trust will awaken refreshed and well enough to take the afternoon boat for Liverpool. Lewis is off on the coach for a drive around the “Great Ormes Head”: I told him he must not miss taking in that sight—because I could not go with babe. I expect him shortly & anticipate a fine description of the rocky cliff. Babe is awake and seems better and Lou is here—have read him portions of this and he says “no, I wasn’t a bit lonesome at 42.” He is a fine noble boy, one that his parents can well be proud of Now dear many kisses and much [p.136]love from all of us. The entire trip will not cost us twenty five dollars for both of us—less than 12 [dollars] each. My best love, Maria.
Afternoon Lewis is having quite an attack of diarrhea. A little veal pie, I think, upset both he & Elizabeth last Eve. M.
No. 3, West Road,
England, July 6, 87
My Own Loved One,
We are now about fifty miles away from the worlds metropolis, London. I refer to babe and myself—and sorry were we to part with Lewis, he is such a good noble fellow. We reached London on the evening of the 1st inst. one week to the day from the time I left, after having spent about five days in North Wales having a most enjoyable time and securing 81 names by the name of my father, with the necessary dates connected with them. Had a nice visit with Sr. Teasdale26 who said she wished she could have some one like myself to associate with as she is the only woman at 42 [Islington]. Stayed in London from Friday the first of July—my birthday, which makes me thirty, think of it, how old!—until the following Tuesday, Lewis staying part of the time at the house where I lived and part at London Office. Bro. Teasdale’s instruction was for him to stay in London until he got word from Bro. Schoenfeld27 of the German mission how to proceed on his journey, and when & where they will meet him. Lewis wrote to Bro. Schoenfeld, and I to Sr. Hull, as she had left for Switzerland the same time we did for Wales. We thought it would be well to enquire of her how she got there and what it cost for his, Lewis’, benefit. When we reached our London quarters, Lewis remarked: “Were I a woman I would not stay over here like you [p.137]have, not for any consideration whatever. I wonder what Mina would do here.” And he brushed a tear that overflowed his honest eye. I did not ask him if it was for me, or for his sister, nor did it matter—it was genuine and honest and I appreciated it. That day was my birthday and he gave me a nice blue silk kerchief with Co-op in [the] corner which I also appreciate, and do you know your birthday came & went and I did not remember it. Babe was ill at the time—her delicate constitution is a constant worryment [sic] to me. I am in hopes she will be better when she gets her teeth. She stood the trip to Wales moderately well until the last when she took cold which has developed into a little hacking cough which I do not like, knowing the tendency to consumption handed down from my father’s family. The air here is very scorching and it will either make her better or worse. When I told Lewis how I had forgotten your birthday, he remarked “you are not the only one who let it slip.” I sighed to think that in the midst of so many fair ones my dear Lord should be treated so indifferently. I would suggest you dying your hair, like I have done which has opened the way, or presented the opportunity, for several little flirtations, did I desire to take advantage of them. I guess it was the hair dye, as I don’t think engaging fellows would smile on an old gray headed woman. Before I learned from you that you were kindly sending me $100 by Lewis, I wrote for means expecting to go to Paris. Now I shall not require any for some time to come especially if I remain here as my expenses are much more moderate than in London and I have given up the Paris trip for the present out of consideration of babe’s health as she must be favored all that is possible. She picked up brightly for a few days after having the measles, but this cough is pulling her down, am going to give her Cod Liver oil—
July 11 – 87
Dearest—since beginning this, letters from yourself, Lewis & Sr. Hull have arrived. How I prize the rose and woodbine, or honeysuckle you send and would I not love to pluck a spray myself. Poor dear aged Father—you say he has been ill. He has been a noble father to we girls, an own father could not have acted a better part by us—and I sometimes worry least he should pass away before I see him. How I shall prize the lines from Sr. Snow. Give her a loving kiss for me and tell her it will be one of the joys [p.138]of my life to meet her again. I am so glad you take her out riding and that she cherishes you as a brother for of a surety she belongs to God’s elect. I am pained to record little or no improvement in our precious babe—her cough is of a bad type. Have begun the Cod Liver Oil and earnestly pray that good results will follow. You desire photos. Have sent babes, taken at her best & before she was weaned. A Bro. Layton was to deliver the card to you, as also one for dear Mother. As for mine, I will not trouble about it, as I imagine it will be but a short period before you will have the privilege of gazing on the original if you care about it, as I shall make rapid steps towards the Rocky Mts., unless babe takes a quick change. Lewis has received word from Bro. Schoenfeld that he must get a “passport”—certain papers from the British Gov[ernment] or he will have trouble and Lewis fears he will not be able to obtain them in London, but will have to send to U.S. which will prolong his stay in London Conference—You say you “will write him.” By all means do not delay, as he thought it hard when I met him in Liverpool that he had not received a letter from you, and when we returned to London and he was loaded down with a dozen & more letters from various sources, he still “wondered what in the world you was thinking of as you did not write,” and I suggested that you considered yourself a poor correspondent, was busy etc. [H]e replied—”He can write good enough when he wants to, he used to write me a nice letter regularly every week when I was in Provo and I am going to write him, if he remembers there is such a fellow as me.” I earnestly trust that you would not write him as you had written me on one occasion, that you at one time considered you was doing well when you got off a letter once a month to a foreign correspondent. I might have consoled myself had I like himself, Lewis, had numerous other sources, from which I might look for remembrances. As it was I was tried and tried, & sorely tempted to brave whatever risk it involved and open a correspondence with those who would be glad to hear from, and glad to write to me. As it is I am glad I denied myself the pleasure—as sympathetic words at such times from exterior sources sometimes work mischief. For making due allowance for honor, duty & religion etc., the human heart is but a human thing after all, and is liable to be swayed by the pressure of circumstances. You may consider such talk stuff but it’s true nevertheless—but I’ll linger no longer on the subject. Sr. Hull writes very nicely, and wishes me to go over there. Have sent the letter [p.139]to Lewis for him to see what she says about her travelling experience. Says her babe is the very picture of robust health & a great comfort to her which I am thankful for. Says her relatives are very kind & good to her now. She seems to write more contentedly than ever before
Now my loved one I have had my say of nothingness and will close. The quotation from your friend’s speech at [the] Kimball reunion, I thought most beautiful and appropriate. Do you not think he has some very original and grand conceptions—and his figures of speech would make a series of beautiful sentences were they recorded. Notwithstanding your birthday has come & gone, [I] will drop a few lines that occurs to me, bearing on that subject. It will do for the next when,
“May all thy chosen friends combine
To wish a happy Birthday thine:
Be all thy heart esteems most dear,
Unto thee granted year by year”
“I do not wish thee grandeur,
Nor yet a store of wealth,
I wish thee richer treasure
Contentment, peace & health.”
Best love and many fond kisses from us both.
July 7, 1887
My Own Dear Martha:
Not having seen father at meeting, [I ran] out there the day before yesterday to enquire the reason and learned that he had gone to visit your sister and taken the girls with him. Mother was well and said she had learned that they had reached there in safety. She expressed herself as glad that he was gone inasmuch as the weather is oppressively warm. I plucked some beautiful flowers from the door yard, and have pressed them and enclose [p.140]them that you may know how happy I prize things that grow where you have grown. I am gratified to be able to report our President better than he has been. While I write you of his condition my Dear Martha, it’s for your eye and ear alone. I write, as I would not breathe it here inasmuch as it is very important that things be kept quiet and free from excitement.
You without doubt will see by the papers what efforts are being made to obtain statehood. If the effort is successful we need fear little for the future. I shall then know that our enemies can do nothing providing we will devote our energies in the interests of God, and turn our affections to him in the conduct of our lives. Our enemies are excited lest we should succeed. I am surprised at what you say regarding Bp. McRae making you an offer providing you would sell his property to our enemies. I imagine I would as soon sell to the Devil as I would urge another to do it. In other words “I would as soon eat the Devil as I would sup his broth.”
Father spoke to me about you selling your place, but I think you had better keep what you have for the present, or until you see an opportunity to make a better use of it in another way.
Should we become a state land will not depreciate. I do not want you to hesitate to let me know when you need money, and how much you need, as I am in a poor position to judge of your circumstances and what you need. It is, as you have said, hard for me to put myself in the place of one banished, amongst strangers, unto a strange land, for the good of another, and I that other, surrounded by a large family and many in whom I have an interest. I know it is very natural for you to say: when I try to portray my true feelings toward you and our absent little cherub, “he is now giving us a little taffy.” Let this be as it may, my little woman. I can tell you in all solemnity that I never bow my knees to the Lord in private, or in public, but what my thoughts go out after the one so remote from me, amongst strangers; first of all. If I am alone, your name is always found to clothe my tongue with words of supplication that He would continue to watch over you and heal you. And when I hear that you are better, I never forget to thank Him for His mercies unto my loved, absent one, and next to you, our little innocent one fills my mind. When I am engaged in prayer amongst the assembled multitudes, or in union with any of the family circles, or our brethren, and the “loved ones” are mentioned, your image and our loved child appear be-[p.141]fore me as I see you in my imagination, amongst strangers in a foreign land, battling bravely to repel evil thoughts that the adversary will try to influence you through to believe that no one thinks of you. I however am happy in knowing that God—who has ever been my guide, hears and answers my prayers and gives me the assurance that she who is first in my thoughts in her lonely exiled condition, is under His especial care and will return you in safety to your friends and home. I will cease so to write least I bore you with what the old boy would suggest “is only taffy!” You will notice that one of the flowers I send you resembles a daisy although they grow 4 in a bunch on a bush. There are two sprigs of geranium from your mother’s window, and two red and one white pinks from the front garden.
I am just in receipt of your favors of the 18th and 20th ult., and with pleasure read that of Brother RSC28 of 42 [Islington] to you. I trust our darling will pull through without taking cold, and that you may continue to improve, and that Lewis may give you comfort. He is a noble fellow and I feel will love you and honor God. I am made happy that you express a satisfaction in the “shallow of contentment” and do not want to have your “heights and depths” sounded as Mrs. Dr. R[omania] P[ratt] has had done. I am happy and joyous as I know you are happy. Accept my warmest love and many kisses for you and my little girl. God bless you forever, I am forever yours, A. Munn
P.S. Give my love affectionately to Lewis. A.M.
My Own Lord One
After mailing a lengthy letter to you yesterday—I bethought me I had omitted the one apparant important item that I had to communicate to you—that is the appearance of Mary Joe Young [unidentified] upon the European stage. When I met Lewis in Liverpool he referred to St. Young in “Smiling” terms, saying [p.142]he liked her very much, that she was extremely pleasant to him in crossing the ocean etc., and I could tell by the way his countenance beamed when he referred to her that he meant it. I could not help wondering if she did not have an object in it. I refer to a desire on her part to pump him [for information]. I did not at the time communicate my thoughts to him, least he would think me officious & perhaps too suspecting—he, in his innocence of the wiles of the worldly, would not perhaps at first see her motive. I knew nothing whatever of the lady, but a remark of Dr. Anderson’s occurred to me. It was occasioned by me finding a photo early one morning at daybreak in the street it was that of three ladies, and when I showed it to the Dr. he remarked that one of them was “Mary Joe—and that if the truth was known she was a pretty hard case.” In speaking with Bro. Teasdale, as to how long we were to stay in Wales etc., he replied he would leave the matter to our own judgement, that we could go where we pleased and stay as long as we liked. He casually remarked that Sr. Young had been expecting to go to London with Lewis, but after getting my note he, Teasdale, told her that the party whom Lewis expected to see in London, was coming to Liverpool. I thought when he spoke that is another “Q” for her but said nothing. After returning to London and going with Lewis to London office, we learned that St. Young was staying with another Sr. Young (no relation) but a Sr. of London branch, but a short distance from office. Lewis was pleased to learn where she was & said he would call on her. I then told him to be on his guard when he saw her, that I feared if she got hold of anything she would give it away when she got home, when he looked surprised. I also told the St. at the office not to mention to St. Young that there were ladies from Utah here, but this was scarcely necessary as the St. Young she was stopping with would tell her all she knew, being talkative. But she knows nothing more than that I am an undergrounder. Davis told her this much, if anything more, I do not know. St. Young of London is a special friend of Elder Davis. She is a bright native woman, and has a dolt of a husband so they say. I have never seen him. St. Hull in speaking of Davis’s kissing performances said, “I believe he hugs & kisses every woman he can get hold of. I am certain he slaubbers [sic] over St. Young worse than he did me.” [Anna] says she [Sister Young] is “worthy of a more deserving husband.” You see the dear fellow sympathizes with women whom he thinks mismated. I suppose he thinks I have the [p.143]right kind of a fellow as he did not attempt any of his sweetness on me. I don’t know what sort of report he made to you, as I made no effort to court his favor—not even when I thought him most devout, and when I heard of his doings I suppose I acted a little as I felt. But to Mary J. again—you see little minds run on little subjects, but you must be posted on these points. It was Sat. eve when we were at the office. I did not care to stay long as I did not wish to collide with the lady I was desirous of avoiding—she had been to office evening before. Lewis decided to stay to attend meeting next day, & so save car fare as I lived six miles distant & Bro. Ballard29 said they could accomodate him with a bed. I did not go to meeting on Sun[day], and Monday Lewis came down, and he said he & one of office Elders called on St. Y, the Elder being acquanited with the London Young. St. Y was sick of Europe and going home. Showed Lewis the beautiful silk dresses she had purchased, a number of jeweled rings and other chattels. Said those things were so wonderfully cheap over here etc. He said that the London Elders could not bear Sis. Y and that they let her severely alone, that she thought they treated her fearfully shabby, had not been shown around London scarcely any, etc. ect., but that Alma Dunford30 had come now and perhaps she would get to town more. One of the Elders told Lewis that they “met her at the London Depot, hired a carriage paid the fare etc.,” and that she “did not refund them a blamed penny.” Here’s the rub—you see that would break a London missionary’s heart. They like liberal ladies like Sr. Hull. I suppose St. Young did not think—people grow wonderfully penurious in this land. I try to get down to it, still I do not economize as I should like. I believe I am stingy enough but lack tact in the management of small matters—which is quite an art in its way. Even St. Hull told me she would be glad to get away from London in order to curtail, as there, it was all spend, spend, spend! I guess!! Now dear, I send Lewis’ letter received this morning, 19 July, for you to see the finale of Sr. Y’s niceness. I believe myself she has got hold of enough to talk about, although she has not seen me. So be on your guard—have some one pump her when she returns. If she [p.144]gets acquainted with Angie Cross—who I hear is “Belle”ing it in Salt Lake—that will cap it. I do not desire to elicit sympathy by forwarding the first part of L[ewi]s letter. It is a desire for you to have a correct conception of matters here, for I am thoroughly convinced that no one can understand matters of this kind by simply telling them—they must experience it—which will never be your lot I am thankful for, as you are not a woman and will not be called upon to sojourn in a strange land with a sick infant. Her cough is worse & I will probably leave here shortly, the cutting air aggravates it. I may go to Switzerland for the altitude, as it is good for cases of that kind. If she is spared me, I shall not for a moment regret my coming here, as it would have been terrible to hide all these months. How my heart aches for our beloved President and his counsellor [George Q. Cannon]. Such restraint would kill ordinary men.
I think my name had better be changed, and then the Liverpool folks need not be troubled with my mail, although they are very kind & I do not think they consider it a trouble—but anything to be more guarded if possible. Sr. Young, I have no doubt, has got hold of the name of Munn. I think London Young described me to her [which is] how she got hold that I was aged, but on that point I think her mistaken—’tis woman’s failing to speak of woman as looking older than her years. I don’t think I look old. Of course I’ll play that tune because I have turned 30—but its true—my hair is the only trouble & I’ve dyed that, as I told you.
Hold your patience—and when you write again, after receiving this address it—
No. 3 West Road Fisher’s Gate
and if I am not here it will be forwarded to me by the lady of the house who is a good woman & a Latter-day Saint. How I would rejoice if I could stay here and rest and read, but babe is the first consideration. I want you to pray mightily that she may live. I cannot think she will be taken from me and yet her condition makes me extremely nervous. “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.” If I was in total ignorance of certain symptoms, I should not worry so. Do not tell Lewis I sent you his letter as I have not had time to ask his consent—and I felt I should send this imme-[p.145]diately. I do not like the way the Liverpool brethren have acted with Lewis about going to Germany. Even before they knew anything about the bother about the passport, they did not ask him to accompany them & they are going to Berne—& to the very place he wants to go, and they know his inexperience in not knowing the language etc. I told Lewis I did not like it when we were in Liverpool. I nearly asked Bro. Teasdale why Lewis could not go with them as well as not, as they were going. Bro. Teasdale, however, was very kind and hospitable to the three of us while at his place—I mean Lewis, babe & myself, and when coming away, he said he wanted “me to consider that my home & make it my home whenever I pleased.” Not knowing their motives in not taking Lewis with them, I will not venture an opinion.
Now loved one, will close, hoping this will not worry you. I call you loved one because there is one name in the wide world dearer to me than all others and as I can not call you that will not call you by any other. Lou saw the drift of Mary J. and I think answered her wisely. I am certain she got nothing from him— while I believe it was her intention from the first.
Best love — Maria—I will write dear mother shortly & send names of ancestors here.
July 19, 1887
My Own Dear Martha:
Your welcome favor of 29th ult. was received on 16th inst. and the same day Brother Layton called and gave me the two photos and told me how you both looked. I cannot describe my feelings as I looked upon the little girl as she stood before me, as it had been impossible for me to see her other than as she was, when we parted, as she nestled in your breast. I enquired as I gazed upon it: is that my daughter? I was not prepared for the change. He told me his wife was going to visit mother. I read him that part of yours written in a former letter where you desired me to treat them nice, and told him that I would serve them in any way that was in my power.
The next morning I visited mother and met Lottie who declared her niece the prettiest little girl she has seen, (she was [p.146]dressed ready to go to Sunday school, she being at home now). I accordingly enquired if she did not think she resembled her father (as I thought: now is my time to make a point.)Judge of my surprise when she replied: “I think she resembles her mother and her aunts most,” as she hurried from the house. I am told father eats hearty and is himself again since he went to the mountains where as I said before he is accompanied by the other two girls.
Your mother expressed thanks for photo and promised to write you that afternoon and send it by the Sis. Duncanson’s that I might enclose it but it has not come yet. I plucked two small sprigs from the beautiful larkspurs that bloomed in the front yard, near the walk, as I made my exit. I received a long letter from Lewis describing your visit to your native land (in a “few lines” as he was pleased to call 6 pages of one and two of another), which I read to mother to her great delight. Inasmuch as I had sent him a check, to 42, for $65 promising to send more to pay expenses etc., going with you, where you wished to go, I was annoyed that you should only have gone to the one part before he reported himself on his way to Germany. I know that there had not been time for the money to reach him when he wrote me that he was going to Switzerland. I have been introduced to Sis. “Angie” Cross, who received me very kindly and made no remarks that would indicate she had met with any one related to me. I hear she stays at Long’s. I enquired from our friend H[iram] B. C[lawson] the other day: how is the hospital prospering? [H]e replied: “I am letting them run it to see how they will come out, without my interference!” I had just read a local in the news, inviting persons to send in donations of cast off clothing etc. etc. I am glad that you are having a rest, as far as that institution is concerned associated with all the unpleasant things you have encountered in the unsettled life you have led.
I regret to say that I anticipate a great loss to our people, ere this will reach you, as I have no idea that I will again be permitted to look upon my dear uncle’s [John Taylor] face while he lives in the flesh: he is very low indeed. I suggest that while I write this that you may sense my feelings while I now write, I trust no one else will know it where you are. I feel so very grateful to the Lord for the miraculous power that he exhibited in the healing of our little one and your preservation, although you are not well, I do not know how to express myself. I continue to pray for [p.147]you that you may yet be healed and have faith which actuates my heart to be hopeful unto that end. I am in great hope of you and our precious charge experiencing benefit from your residence at “Brighton” and anxiously look for letters from you there.
I anticipate you feeling that my letters are not interesting in that I write hastily and with little to interest you, from the fact that I have little time at my control. I would ask you to overlook this inasmuch as we are crowded politically and I have scarcely time to think. I will say: when I think of the blessings I have received from the hand of God, I find my mind go to you and my daughter in a foreign land, that God may continue you both unto me. God bless and preserve you and all who are kind to you. Accept many kisses to you each and my most faithful embrace. I am yours now and forever.
My Own Loved One:
Where are you to-day? But of course I know being Sunday. Your letters of June 29, & July 9, duly to hand—the latter yesterday. How dearly I prize the lines that our beloved Sr. Snow sent. Tell her I cherish every word and will endeavor to profit by them. Particularly do I prize the references made to what she terms my “royal head,” for I know that every word of it is true. Next I hasten to correct a misunderstanding that has occurred from what I have written, and has cast a reflection on our worthy Bishop McRae. He would not for any price whatever sell his land to our enemies—and an apostate knowing this, and at the same time desirous to get a piece of it, tried to enter into a negotiation with me to buy it from the Bishop, and then transfer it to them, the Apostates. They had a high opinion of my ecclesiastical or moral standing to think I would do such a trick don’t you think so? If you wish to know who the parties were perhaps mother can tell you—as I think I told her as I used to tell her everything in those days—except my courtship with you. I am rejoiced to learn that [p.148]our noble leader is in better health,31 and you need fear nothing you communicate to me being rehearsed, as I am isolated from all American sojourners in Europe—and they are the only ones I would be tempted to gossip with. I am also pleased to know that our worthy doctor was the one consulted in the case. It shows that a degree of confidence is placed in him that I know him deserving of. He is a noble fellow—give him my kindest wishes when you see him. I wish he could be talked into, or could see the necessity of obeying the order of celestial marriage. Why should I write thus? Last night, dear one, I was dreaming of you. When I awoke I knew it was something very pleasant, for I felt happy, but beyond that I could not recollect a word of it. Do you know I have been ever so amazed since I have been over here in the fact that I have dreamed oh so often of others that I was once interested in, and so seldom of you— and then only in a shadowy vague form. I have been told by a “dream woman” that you dream of those who think of you. I wonder if this is [so]. You say I have perhaps seen the efforts made to initiate the “coming State.” Yes—and while reading some of the sections framed by the covention, thought that there were more ways of “beating the Devil around the bush than in drinking cocoa for tea.” And when I read your expression in reference to the McRae mistake, that you “would as soon eat the Devil as drink his broth,” I fancied that some of the business of the convention smelt a little brothy, but if I say more I will be utterly disregarding the advice of the News to say nothing until the matter is better understood. A change in affairs there will certainly be better than present existing conditions, even if we do have to pat Old Nick on the back a bit in order to bring it about. It appears to me tough business, however, but then I guess its all right. The progress of this political and religious distinction, to my mind, is going to create a ferment that will finally bring much scum to the surface, that will result in the purification of the body liquor I trust. You say you “fear all trouble has not ceased with the hospital yet.” I think the installment of Dr. P[ratt] is an advanced step towards allaying the animosity that has existed there. Her debarment from being “Grand Mogul” of the establishment, has been the “bone of contention” from the beginning; and much of the undercurrent muddling that has largely [p.149]assisted in keeping the institution in its present incipient stage could be traced to the above source. I trust now that the cause of friction has been removed that the work will make advanced steps in the right direction. It has my hearty indorsement—nor do I think Mattie would care, as I once heard her say she would have got away from there long before she did had she not determined to stay until the members of the board gave her an honororable dismissal, which they did in the form of a written page expressive of appreciation of her labors. She was prevailed to stay after that upon the solicitation of Prest. Clawson. Well dear, our little daisy is better, her cough has almost gone, she takes Cod-L[iver] oil & gets sea baths. I get weekly letters from Lewis, who I think is getting quite interested in his work and doing well. [I] expect to hear from him today, perhaps before I get this off. Everything was so new & strange to him at first— but I think he is falling into the lines finely. Says he will pay me a visit if he can before he goes to Germany. Says that Mina intends to visit him there, and for me to consult you as to whether it would be well for you to tell her I am here, and me to go over there with her. He says he thinks it would do Mina good to see how people get along in this country.” Of course travel is a benefit to anybody. I should like to visit Paris before I return, and it won’t be far from there to where Lewis will be. I wrote you about going to Paris before babe had the measles,—but don’t quite understand whether you got it or not. I only mention it so as to know whether or not it miscarried. In it I asked for funds for the trip, but won’t need means for some time now that Lewis brought the $100. Will write when I require more. Will probably stay here until summer is over, when the lady of house will be confined and I will have to secure other quarters. If Lewis comes, we will visit Brighton watering places. Bro. Brady of 10th w[ar]d is there now, but will soon be gone, I trust. Should not like to run against him. Benedict & party have returned from P[aris], and I guess are homeward bound by this time. They were very much enraptured with the sights in the gay capitol I hear, as are Teasdale and Campbell, who have not yet returned.
Now old gentleman, you can turn the tables on me for detailing. I wonder if Benedict visited the London hospitals or their leading ones. English professionals are very conservative and its hard to get an insight into those places going as a visitor only. [p.150]Understanding this, at St. Bartholomew’s I represented myself as an American nurse, anxious to learn of any improvement in that work—when I was treated with courtesy and shown through their typical wards, amphitheatre and instrument room, and was permitted to look over their annual report of operations. At St. Thomas’s I went, taking Lizzie [Elizabeth] as an outside patient anxious to see their mode of dealing with that class—and I tell you they put them through a performance. If you want the girl [Elizabeth] to come to terms, just tell her you will take her to the “hospital man.” Remember me kindly to Clara and tell her I should ever so much like a letter from her. You say not to sell the section of rocky hill, but dear if I draw too heavily on your funds you had better do it. With abundance of love and an imaginary hug I am your devoted little
Dear—I think now you had better continue the old address to Liverpool as it’s safe so long as you enclose the letters—and I have sent stamps to Bro. “Mac” to forward them as I would only get about one to this address before I leave again—
July 30, 1887
My Own dear Martha,
I will not attempt to describe the state of my mind in the past week as you can judge better by reading of what has transpired from the enclosed programme of yesterday’s exercises. He [John Taylor] departed this life near 8 p.m. of the 95th inst, and I was informed of it on the same evening although it was not made public until the “news” was issued the following evening (96). He fell asleep quite calmly and suffered little pain, as it appeared to those who witnessed his death. I believe he was unwilling to show to his most intimate friends that he thought of dying and accordingly would make no will claiming “there is time enough!” He looked very natural as he lay in his coffin. But little is known of the condition of his property, as he talked but little [p.151]relating to his personal affairs. His funeral was more numerously attended than any I have attended.
I am in receipt of yours of 6th and 11th inst., and also of 12th. I am distressed to know that you felt [illegible]. I had thought it as trouble [illegible] to write you, my dear Martha. I have also felt that I was a failure as a correspondent, and although Lewis gives me credit for having given him my word that I would write him an answer to his Provo school weekly, which I tried to do, to keep my word, as I also tried to do. I often find it inconvenient to do so. Until you wrote me how you prized my letters and felt annoyed when they came so seldom I was innocent that I was giving you a cause to feel bad. I hope, my dear girl, that you will overlook my apparent neglect as I thought I was only to answer you as I received your letters.
If you will forgive me, I will write once a week although you should only be able to write me once a month. I know that I can write you not only once a week, if it will make you feel more happy, but I can and will write you once a day if you desire me to do so, or a letter for each day in the month even if I have to write two or three letters (short ones) in a day to make up for the days I might be unable to write. I am engaged travelling at times when I might find it impossible. I know I can have no conception of what you have suffered and your feelings during your pilgrimage and sojourn abroad, and I feel angry at myself for having proved to be so stupid as not to be able to do more and write oftener that which would be of interest to you, in your exiled condition. Brother Layton brought his wife and introduced her to me yesterday and she promised to see me again when I was not so engaged (I was then at a meeting [and] occupied arranging matters connected with the services). I was very anxious to see her and have a talk with her about our little delicate and lovely flower. Bro. D. H. Wells reached home night before last, as he told me yesterday, but I have had no opportunity to meet him when he was disengaged. I presume he has not been able to see his own yet. I feel very bad when I read from your letters how very poorly our dear child is and did I know what would be for its good, I would say do it. I care not for the cost, if travel or even coming directly home, providing it will save her to you. I feel she will make you happy if God will spare her life to you and I would gladly make any sacrifice within my power to preserve her to you inasmuch as [p.152]I know you have suffered every thing and braved death with all its terrors to give her to me, and drawn a dark veil over many bright pictures created in the sunlight from your young days, never to be lifted again in many instances, and all this to make me happy. While I realize God is able to recompence you, I desire to do my [best to] live so near Him that I may enjoy his favor and not be a clog to you in your eternal progress. In one thing I am happy and joyous, i.e., that God created us for each other and should I prove faithful as is my privilege to do we will triumph over all our foes here, and prevail with God eternally. I know in the loss of our President I have lost one of my best living friends, although I am satisfied the work will progress faster than it has ever done before, and God will be glorified in His people.
I have never ceased to pray for the restoration in private, and in the [prayer] “circle,”32 with my brethren to perfect health of my loved one and her faithful mother in a foreign land. Waking or sleeping or working you are in my thoughts continually that God in his mercy may heal you and restore you both, once more to my embrace, in health. Dr. S. B. Young is again at home and has given himself up, with what motive I can not say. It is evident that none have left brighter prospects than you have done for me while you have exhibited a grief in staying away for me that no one else has done for themselves much less for their friends without whining. I feel very thankful for your kind feelings and good sentiments towards Lewis, and that he feels so kind towards you as is manifest in his letters to me. I was greatly pleased with Lewis’ letters to you and the lengthy details you give me of “Mary Joe.” I regret he should have fallen in with her as she is not going to be of good to any young man. I think you formed a correct estimate of her. Bro. D[avis] spoke kindly of you at all times. He was foolish to spend his time kissing while on a mission (especially). It leads to no good. I will have your paper changed and sent as I direct this. I am glad you think of taking our pet to Switzerland if you think it will do her good. I received a very nice letter from Lewis. Accept of my warmest love to you and our pet, and many loving kisses to you and her. I remain now and forever your own, A. Munn
August 1, 1887
[p.153]My Own Dear Martha:
I trust this will find you and our little treasure improved in health. Brother [Daniel H.] Wells and Brother A.M. Cannon addressed a large congregation yesterday in the Tabernacle, where a great many outsiders had assembled.33 I have just had a call from your old Bp. McRae who continues to be in trouble inasmuch as he is involved and unwilling to sell his property for a big price to his enemies (and as I thought but dared not say it, he has been unsuccesful in finding a person in good standing who would be willing to sell their influence for $50.00 as you implied he once spoke to you about). I feel there is no difference between selling out and out to a Gentile and hiring another to do so—except that the former action is more justifiable. Brother C. addressed the Saints of the Sixth ward last night and was overcome with extreme heat at the conclusion. He is better today. Our people are asleep and although our liberty depends, in great measure, on our actions at the polls today, I fear we will have to partake of bondage before we will appreciate liberty.34 I discovered the enclosed letter,35 I had omitted to forward, hence this of today. Kiss my babe for me and accept my warmest love.
I am now and forever your, A. Munn.
No. 3 West Road
Brighton — Eng
Aug. 6— 87
Dear Brother Munn,
Your kindness of July 19th to hand. The sad news of the [p.154]death of our beloved leader had preceded it, reaching Liverpool by cablegram, and reported to other branches as quickly as possible. A letter from Prest. Ballard, London, informed me. I also learned through Lewis that he was reported as being very very low, at the time his (Lewis’) mother wrote him, when you was visiting at Morgan. The day after Bro. B[allard]’s letter, the presiding Elder at Brighton sent me word. With profound sorrow the news is received by many of the European Saints who have never seen him or listened to his teachings. How much more will those at home realize the loss. Before the crusade commenced upon our people, I often heard it remarked, that “Prest. Taylor did very well for these quiet times in the Church’s history, but it took a Brigham to conduct affairs in the scaly period of earlier times.” I wonder how this class view the circumstances of the last few years—A less “balanced” head than our beloved Prest’s., would have proved disastorous to the cause.
I am happy to report our daughter as much improved in health, for which I thank the Lord every day of my life, while the mother is only midling. This womb trouble is one of the most aggravating things in the world—you never know when it is going to “down” you. I want you to continue to exercise faith to the end that I may yet be healed. Lewis was down for two days, and we visited Brighton together. He said “he would die if he had to stay here a week, it is so lonesome.” I don’t mind it much, as I am used to it & Lizzie keeps me busy. Lewis is in with some lively experienced young Elders in London—the association of whom I think will be beneficial to him. When here I told him I had written you about Mary Joe, how nice she was crossing the ocean etc. When he remarked that it was while he was in Liverpool she was so nice—that she crossed first cabin & he did not get to see much of her there on [the] steamer. He asked me if I thought she would be honest about some things he had sent home with her—that is deliver them all right etc. When I told him I thought so, as she surely would not demean herself by not doing the square thing. He said she tried to get the sister in London to let her off by only paying a shilling per day for board—25 cts. And that she said every mean thing she could think of about the Mormons, making the sister feel very bad—that the Elders preached one thing here but practiced another out there etc., etc. I am glad Miss “Angie” [Gross] received you so nicely. I think her quite fascinating in her [p.155]way. [Y]our son John36 says she likes “1olly-popping” (I believe that’s what Lou called it) better than any girl he had met. It means kissing—ask John what the “boys” call kissing. You should have heard how they, the Cross family, ran Bro. A[ngus]. M. C[annon] down when I was there. How they had been authoritatively informed of his inferior intellect, etc., and that he was only held in position at all, through the influence of, and out of consideration of, his talented brother etc., etc. You should have heard the harangue the most disparaging to our worthy brother. I have not told him before, thought I would wait to see if it would make him mad, like when I told how Dr. [Ellen B.] Ferguson said he “craned his neck, to do the nice to her.” Now don’t tell him, I want the fun of seeing him frown, unless he has grown so good natured that such things don’t affect him. I listened while they diagnosed our mutual friend with a stolid expression in my countenance, as though it did not affect me one way or another, and when there was a lull in the delineation, I indifferently remarked—”I was not much acquainted with him, but guessed he was sort of a doughhead” as they generally selected that sort to make presidents of stakes. I thought Elder Davis would hurt himself laughing when I told him. Now I don’t tell this to injure Angie, for it was the mother who lead the way in the conversation—and Angie I believe has more common sense in her little finger than in the whole make up of the mother. Although I won’t feel good towards the girl for assist[ing] in the circulation of some whole cloth lies.
Have received a very nice letter from Sr. Hull. She is a different woman since away from Davis—she is easily influenced, & I believe he represented to her, [that] it was mean in me to leave her etc—so that we would not be too intimate, & she tells me how he was doing—in fact she has hinted as much to me since. I begin to feel that my time of freedom is drawing near, & I thought to see Paris, and keep at Switzerland while the good weather lasts. She gives me a warm invitation to visit her—(Sr H). The lady here is drawing near her confinement so I must move. She is willing for me to stay yet awhile, but I think she is trying too much in her condition. I wrote Lewis I thought of [p.156]making the trip, or starting on it next week—as I have looked up the matter and know just what I want to do. I also asked him if he was ready to go also, when he said his papers have not yet come, and for me to wait two weeks if possible, so he will know what about them. Says it would be more pleasant for us to visit Paris together—I think so too. So will wait that time and see how things turn. He significantly remarks “that 2 weeks won’t alter the appearance of Switzerland much, or the condition of the English Channel.” I received his letter this morning which is the 10th of Aug. Received two Exponents which I suppose you sent—will send them to Lou as I think he will relish the “In Memorium” and “Louie” articles.37 He interested me on the boat going from Liverpool to Llandudno giving me an insight into some of Aunt Em’s [Emmeline B. Wells] characteristics & when he got through, I told him I did not think there was a woman in Utah who knew her better than I did, and in turn entertained him with a few anecdotes. It is astonishing to note to what a length the vanity of some people will lead them. I believe that Aunt Em had genuine true feelings extended towards her, by very many, since her trouble, but if she don’t mind will alter it by her own lack of common sense, while I can hardly account for Bishop Whitney’s movement. His better judgment would surely have dictated differently, being conversant with the circumstances of the case. I look upon it as an exhibit of a lack of moral courage on his part, being unable to resist the solicitations of the blinded mother. I would not wish to be thought uncharitable, nor would I wish the time honored custom of speaking of the virtues of the departed reversed, but I do dislike to see false impressions foisted upon the public by those professing to be Latter day Saints. One, knowing the circumstances and reading those two articles, would get the idea, that all that was necessary to be considered—or lauded, rather as pure, holy, noble, prophetic, inspirational etc, would be to go and commit adultery and then die from the effects of it as I believe was the case with the young woman. “Pregnancy, in rare [p.157]instances will produce dropsy by pressure upon the kidneys curtailing their action. But the majority of cases that prove fatal are those of illegimate pregnancy where the patient tries to hide her condition, thus exerting a double pressure upon the urinary organs.” So said a prominent medical lecturer—but enough of this, I only feel sorry for Aunt Em—who injures her cause by her vanity.38 Don’t tell Williams what I have said or his Doc. will rehearse it to the Editor & she dislikes me sufficiently now. When men & women share the same bed they are bound to talk to one another. You see I caution you about Williams to get even with you for the underscoring you give me at times. And when the same news is communicated to others without the signifcant lines, proves to me that I am looked upon as a “gabber” and no wonder, the way I string it out to you—but remember you are the only one I can get at now. In six month’s time, when I can write to half a dozen or more, I will distribute my talk. Then it won’t give you wrong impressions concerning me, for gossip is not altogether my forte—your prejudices to the contrary. “Too busy to take time to think” in writing you say, “crowded politically” I presume so (dryly). Don’t you think it a pity you took time to marry the woman who now expects you to spend one out of the one hundred & sixty eight hours of the week (168) in writing to her? You see how I sympathize with you—and to prove I am genuine I will excuse you altogether, if that will be a relief, as somehow I don’t “hanker” after letters as I once did. Your very devoted Maria.
If Utah is admitted, the abstraction caused by the “political pressure” upon you, will not be in vain—I now view the constitution in its true light, it is only a species of the gigantic manoever-[p.158]ing that will have to be resorted to until we are sufficiently strong & can place a decided front to the enemy.
Give my kind love to Sr. Snow when you see her—
No. 7 Fleet St
Cheap Side— Brighton
Aug- 20 — 87
Your note of Aug 1st with that from Bro. Davis enclosed this moment to hand and I hasten the second time to correct the mistake that my former words respecting our worthy Bp McRae have created. I have several times thought that some of my letters have not reached you, and in writing you made no allusion to them whatever. Now I am convinced of it, as when you wrote me you “was surprised at the Bp., that you would as soon eat the D as drink his broth etc.” I sat down immediately and wrote you that you had misunderstood me, that the Bishop would not for any consideration whatever sell his property to our enemies, and an apostate knowing this tried to enter into a negotiation with me, to buy it from the Bishop and then transfer it to them, the apostates. I also remarked to you that they must have had a high opinion of my ecclesiastical standing—or moral status to be guilty of such a trick. I also told you to ask mother who the parties were, who wished me to deceive the Bishop, as in all probability I told her about it at the time as I used to tell her everything in those days except my courtship with you. I did not desire to mention names in the letter for fear of it getting lost or the thing traced—so as to discover who I am. That the letter has never reached you is evident from the way you now write. Do you understand the matter now? If so, write on receipt of this and tell me so. If you don’t get this, I shall write to Bishop McRae myself and tell him how my remarks have been misunderstood so as to cast a stigma upon his unblemished character in that respect. I shall tell him that I desired you to sell some property for me and remarked “if you could do so without letting our “Enamyes” as Bp. McRae called them, have it,” and further [p.159]added that I had once been offered $50 to buy some land from you (McRae) and then transfer it to an outsider, and that from this wording Bro. Munn got the impression that it was the Bishop who offered me the money to do the job, and that from the loss of letters, and from the fact that I am unable to make myself understood by Munn he, the Bishop, still rests under the stigma—and for him to take my letter and correct the wrong and detrimental impression my bungling has caused. At the same time sincerely asking pardon for the mischief done. It is [a] great worriment to me to think I have been the cause of casting a reflection upon one who is totally innocent of the charge—his whole course has been diametrically opposed to the way you view his actions. I shall not feel easy until I know this matter is made right—and that you cease to look upon him as one who would “beat the devil around the bush,” in the disposal of his property.
You see I have changed my location. The lady at Fisher’s Gate has gone to visit her husband, and will be near her confinement when she gets back, so I could not stay longer. Am sorry I did not try to get another place there, in that locality, as little E. was getting on so much better there. How encouraged I was when I saw her getting stronger. Have been here nearly a week and she is quite poorly again but not serious I trust—still it worries me dreadfully. She vomited and purged so severely for two days that it took her quite off her feet, the diarrhea is checked now but she is feverish & miserable & does not eat—Brighton is supposed to be a healthy place. The residences of the rich and their locations are so no doubt, but in the thickly populated quarters of the poor the same disadvantages exist as in other places of over crowding. I am boarding with a family of Saints who are very good nice people, but very poor, and have a room where I sleep at a lady’s who is not in the Church—about half a block from where I take meals. Bro. Biggs, one of the elders, secured the place—which costs me four dollars per week but I fear it is not going to do for our darling any good as the atmosphere is impure & close—being in a very thickly settled locality. Talk about grunting, or “whining” as you call it dear. Why I always have some doleful thing to tell you whenever I write, but you have no idea whatever what a time I have had with our little girl. Notwithstanding she is poorly now— still of late I have felt happier than ever before in the fact that I feel that she is going to be spared us, and grow up to noble wom-[p.160]anhood. Why I have felt thus I cannot say, but it is a wonderful relief, for heretofore I was in constant fear of losing her. I never could see anything in her to remind me of you until lately, when she exhibits a simlarity in having a good memory. When I was moving I came across an old almanac which she saw in my hand and called out “Mamma let Lizzie see poor man that fell off ge ge, and hurt hims head.” I said where is he? “In at book mamma.” I had the almanac with me two months before when I visited St. Thomas Hospital, and while waiting for our turn to be examined explained the pictures to her. She had not seen it again until I was clearing out my things two months later. The shape of her hand I also notice now is like her Papa’s. Of course Lottie would think her pretty & grandma too—but she isn’t—nor is she plain—a genuine little “happy between,” but there is a cuteness about her that makes up for lack of beauty. Mrs. Cross, Angie’s Mother, was telling Elder’s Morris and Cannon that all the Utah Ladies’ babies that have been to her house are positively homely, except St. Birches and Abbies [Abbie Wells Young], that the latter might pass in a crowd.
I have to laugh when I read what I have written about Bp McRae—but I wanted to impress upon you that it was not the Bp but the apostate who offered me the 50 that the former knew nothing of it. Baby is not dangerous but poorly & so fretful—I don’t look for much good health in her until she gets all her teeth and we are out of this muggy climate that certainly does not agree with many Americans. Many of the Elders complain of its bad effect upon their constitutions. Bro. Braby staid here where I am for awhile—says he would rather, and would willingly pay one thousand dollars than be compelled to stay here 12 months—& he had health & went around and had a good time too. Have received a letter from Sr. Hull, who is more contented than ever before since coming to Europe. Says her folks can’t be good enough to her now and ever so sorry for the way they treated her when Hull was here. Says it was his having two names that did the mischief. Says Annie is thriving beautifully is a “big fat saucy robust girl” & urges me to try the Swiss air for Lizzie. “Went to Conference at Berne & stayed at same hotel with Bro. Campbell, and that he kissed her just twice once when he met her before [p.161]some of the Saints, and then privately when he left—” I was not to tell the “London folks” which I haven’t but wrote her how I sighed to think how utterly I had lost my powers of attraction for the opposite sex—that I had not been able to secure a solitary kiss, while she was being fairly beseiged.
Your letter of July 30 arrived before I left Fisher’s G. wherein you suggest writing daily to secure me happiness. I fear like when writing to Provo, you would find it a bit inconvenient—write weekly as you once promised to do that will suffice. It is the custom for the foreigners here to look forward with glad anticipation to the weekly mail steamer so we will be doing just like the rest if we do that way. But, as I said before it will be no sacrifice to my feelings to excuse you altogether if it will relieve some of the pressure upon your time. I received your statement with a degree of sarcasm when I had just been told [by Lewis Cannon] how often you took Mrs. Amelia Young to the theatre, and of how one Hattie Harker got into trouble with one Eddington through promising to go to the theatre with him and then giving him the “slip” to go with you.39 I know from experience that theatre goers have little time to write. I know we made the arrangement for you to answer my letters, but later I said I would not look for long ones if you would write to me weekly—which you said you would. I could and have plenty time to write any time—but reasoned thus, that letters were of very little consequence to you, who are pampered with from one to a dozen daily—while to me I thought you might know that a weekly remembrance would assist in relieving the monotony of my life cut off from all other sources of communication as by letter as I have been. But we’ll pursue this subject no further. As I said before, I have got over my longing and care little as to how or when they come. Favors that have to be solicited from the opposite sex are bound to lose their savor. I suppose you think me a bit jealous in referring to Sr. Amelia & Hattie—it proves one thing that gossip can travel 7000 miles & whether jealous or not this is all I have to say—”That every dog [p.162]has his day,” and I don’t know that my two years of prudishness has secured for me any additional favor with the Lord, it isn’t the way some of His so called servants do at any rate. And the example set, won’t be bad medicine for me to take myself, when I get among my American friends once more. I must check or I’ll say that which I may be sorry for. It is only with great effort that I control myself at times. There is one favor I have to ask of you & trust you will comply with it—that is that you repeat not one word of what I write of discontent to any living soul—especially to your other wives. If it is God’s will that I am to pass through a species of trial that has been prepared for me I am ready and willing to stand the test, while at the same time my pride would shrink from others gazing at the wounds that may be inflicted. It is the habit of some polygamists to console wives who may complain of lack of attention, on the part of the husband by saying that some other of his wives was complaining of the same thing. There are many tricks in the trade—some not altogether of a high order.
Seymour [B. Young] got off nicely—I hear that some of my acquaintances are comfortably located in British Columbia. Have not heard from Lewis just lately—at last reports he was actively engaged in the ministry. I think him capable of considerable advancement if he applies himself. I shall rejoice with you to see your stalwart boys prove themselves to be true sons of their noble father, and worthy mothers—and according to your patriarchial blessing this will not fail to be accomplished. I read your patriarchal blessing to Bro. Jno. Biggs of Cache, the other day—substituting the name Arthur Munn for the other, when he said it was “the best he had ever heard.” Well dear—I fear there is “much wording, but little substance” in a letter like this. Address my future letters as at heading of this & they will reach me wherever I am—will not have them sent to Fisher’s Gate as I asked you before, as the nurse would have to attend to forwarding them while the lady is sick and I fear they might be neglected. Am sorry some of my letters have not reached you as they might cause trouble. The time is so short now that it would be dreadful if anything should happen to get you into trouble My health is not very good. My old pessary40 is worn out and I tried for a time [p.163]to go without. Managed for a time but then got worse. Have now purchased a new support, but it don’t altogether do as it gives me considerable pain to wear it. Do you know I believe the Lord afflicts me or permits the affliction in this way to keep me humble. I fear I would be too “high strung” if I was O.K. physically—but oh! how I wish I could try it once more. Am nothing so strong as before babe was born—and much more nervous and to carry our little girl about drags me to pieces—& she won’t let a soul touch her but me. But why do I burden you with my trouble when I know you have all you can bear yourself—The papers might go to 42 Islington as usual—and not change them again until I cross—as they do not have to re-stamp them—but don’t forget the address—
No. 13 Fleet St. Cheapside—
Brighton — Sussex—England
You say in the death of our beloved Prest. you have lost a dear friend. I realize this and that you will feel it more as time goes on. But as you say the work will roll on faster than ever and I believe we are nearing important events. Forgive me if I have said anything to hurt your feelings dear, for argue as I will to myself, I am always confronted with the fact that you think lots of me and it’s wrong in me not to show my appreciation of the same. Accept many kisses from your little girl & myself and believe us yours devotedly—Mamma & Lizzie
August 27. 1887
My Own Dear Martha:
I received your favor of [the] 6th inst. this morning containing one for mother which I immediately delivered and found them well in spirit and body. Your mother promises to write you and excuses herself for not having done so more regularly in that she has so many calls to visit and anoint the afflicted people.41 It [p.164]gives me joy to learn that our daughter is better while I continue hopeful that you may yet be made well. I have written two letters to Lewis, the first to 29 Postgasse, and the other to 36 Postgasse, Bern, Switzerland, by his direction—much to my annoyance as I think he made a mistake in giving me the first address.
I have been unable to obtain his passports, and so he must again feel disappointed, inasmuch as they can only be obtained (if at all) on his personal application.
I trust he will accompany you immediately to Paris and Switzerland on account of your and our daughters health. It gives me pleasure to know that Sister Hull writes you kindly. I have heard nothing about “Angie” since she arrived and only met her the once in company of Elder Williams who introduced me, and we conversed about two or three minutes only, since which time I have neither seen nor he[a]rd of her. I took so little stock in her that I should not know her again if I were to meet her. I do not care what she says about me, but would be led to regard her in a kindly light if I knew she had circulated nothing [false] about you. With regard to what her family said about me, only makes me smile, instead of getting angry and scowling over what they say about my stupid conduct and advancement only consequent of being the brother of a man of brains. The thought occurred to me: I wish every family could boast of one of their members being possessed of valuable brains—making the residue to pose under a favorable light with a whole community to scan their acts. For my part, I have nothing to complain of in the treatment of our people: I have always been more favored than I feel I was worthy of, as is the case with each of my father’s family. All I have received by way of endowment that is good and commendable, I am indebted to God and his faithful people for.
I regret that I cautioned you of the necessity I felt to ask you to communicate nothing I said in relation to our President’s extreme illness. It was not that I thought you a “blabber”. It is true that I called and spent a day at Morgan with Amanda and our daughter who had a child nigh unto death, as I promised I would do, [w]hen they left. It came some days previous to me starting to attend meetings of directors of Logan Temple which cost me $1.50. I am much gratified to know that you are the only one of my family to whom I did communicate our President’s illness, even if I did underscore the caution to you. I knew how [p.165]much it would have excited the people here at home had it been known, but inasmuch as Amanda wrote of it to Lewis, I am pleased she got her information from others than me. I did by you, inasmuch as you were so remote from all your dearest friends, as I would have been pleased to have had you do by me (caution included) not because I lacked confidence, but because you have possessed my fullest confidence—equal at least with anyone I have ever known.
It gives me extreme pain to realize you are suffering from your old ailment. I shall continue to pray to the Lord with faith that he will heal you. I have been away this week with party surveying the Ranch Bro. A.M. Cannon lately purchased in Cedar Valley, 13 miles from his Bluff-Dale farm. It … includes what is known as Tickville springs, with four plots of government land consisting of 600 acres in all and controls the range and mountains for a distance of 6 miles in every direction, inasmuch as it is the only water to be obtained inside of that distance. I think it a very valuable property and although it will cost $2000 to fence it, to protect it against large flocks of sheep that have denuded the country of grass in the last 13 years. It is one of the best horse ranches in these parts and he will be enabled to bring his valuable band of horses back from Dixie next year, and care for them on his own lands as soon as the feed gets time to start again. He did not complete his survey and will go again on Monday to perfect it before they return.
I am glad Lewis has had his lot cast with some good energetic young Elders. I trust he will be faithful in his calling and rely upon the Lord who will not desert him in the hour of trial.
Should the propositions of our brethren of the Convention that formed the Constitution be accepted, (which I bitterly opposed on the start,) I think our condition better than it is now. Punishment for the practice of polygamy is only 3 years instead of 5 as it is now. Should a man be tried upon an indictment found upon sufficient evidence being produced before 15 honest men peers of the individual to be tried, his prospect assures him that the law will be impartially administered, at least, and should there be a doubt regarding his guilt, said doubt will be given to the defendant. At the present time the doubt is construed against the accused instead of in his favor. Again: I expect the cause of God to progress and the power and influence of His people to increase, [p.166]until our government itself will sense the injustice of such laws, obnoxious as they will be to many people, and approve the appeal of the same as the Legislature of Arizona has lately done in regard to certain unwise laws of that Territory.42 Birdie is with Mary and Lottie is at home.
I saw six carp fish today on exhibition at the T[ithing] Office that weighed 5 lbs each, while they only weighed 12 oz each 21 months since. How is that for a fish story? I mail 2 “Exponents” and “Utah Journals”. The latter contains [a] lecture by Prof. Paul.43 May the Lord preserve you from harm and return you in health and peace to your home is the constant prayer of one who would gladly hold you both within his most affectionate embrace and shower upon you a flood of kisses.
I am as ever, your own, A. Munn.
September 6, 1887
My Dear Martha:
I met [your] father and mother on the street late last evening on their way home from D[uncansons] and was pleased to see them looking so well. Lottie had returned home and reported the family well that she had been staying with although the two youngest had been quite ill. I met the Sister D——’s this morning who send their kindest love. The larger one complained of her lungs that gave her a pain “from an over amount of fat.” I have just had a talk with Dr. Benedict about what he saw and heard in Paris and left him within half an hour strongly nauseated and sick. You can judge of what he took an especial interest in while visiting the centre of civilization. He looks well and evidently enjoyed his trip. I accompanied Angus M. Cannon last week and assisted him in making a survey of the part of his lately acquired ranch that had not been made plain to him before. He now has it plotted and… it will give him [some] of the best [p.167]Mountain range… , and will enable him to keep horses near home. He has, with the parties who hold a squatter claim of the water used [it] for agricultural purposes, the land not being surveyed but held by government as a military reservation up to the present time. The government has lately authorized a survey that the same may be sold in which case he (Brother Cannon) will hold a prior claim on the water that effects 1 – 60 acres of land, in addition to the 600 acres that he already had the patents for, making 1200 acres that he proposes to fence as a pasture to prevent any but his own stock from getting a drink should they attempt to eat the grass of the range within a distance of 6 miles of his encircled water without his permission. By this means he proposes to control that mountain range so very convenient to his Bluffdale farm. He drives Roscoe who looks and feels well. A simple harness is being made for the same horse to be held in readiness for a certain person’s use. He has been looking at a buggie but had not decided whether he will buy one ready made or get one built to suit the taste of the party that is to use it. A lady dreamed she saw her daughter return home in a carriage with a beautiful little girl in her company; trunks were strapped on behind the carriage. I remarked: I thought it would not be long before her dream would be realized as true. The “12” are busily engaged in looking into matters and giving direction to affairs.44 Brother A[ngus] M. C[annon] is staying at his daughters who makes him as comfortable as she can. She has had a terrible ordeal in the affliction of her youngest child that appears a little better now. I met E[mma] F[inch] on the street the other day. I showed her a little girl’s likeness when she was delighted and desired me to give you her love.
You will recognize her friendly feelings in viewing the enclosed card. Cannon is to marry C. W. Penrose’s daughter “Kate” at his request, by letter, to a man lately baptized but not proved worthy to enter a more sacred house. The event transpires on the evening of the first at the mother’s residence at 7:30.45 Brother C[annon]. accompanied one Bradley to whom he had let [p.168]his thoroughbred stallion “Nimbers” to the former’s pastures to visit some mares, leading the horse behind a sulking. They were retreating from the mares in the pasture when Bro. C. tarried to examine if the Red Top grass seed had begun to start (that he had lately been at the expense of sowing on 18 acres) when he heard “Brad” say “let go my arm, I tell you.” which sounded as if the latter were just talking as is his custom to the horse. Hearing it repeated faster and faster Bro C. looked and saw the horse had him indeed by the arm and was handling him rough although Mr. Bradley is a most powerful man standing over six feet two or three, and is one of the best horse tamers in the country.
Taking in the situation at a glance, Bro C. grabbed some clods and ran at the horse only to see him maintain his hold and his victim to fall with the horse on top of him chewing the mans arm above the elbow as if he had been a bird dog that was biting him. Had Brother C had a pistol he would have killed the horse, as it was he ran about two or three rods and got a pole and made at him when he immediately loosed his hold and tried to escape in vain, as the poor fellow would not release hold of the line which he held in his right hand. Bro. C. took him to his artesian well and bandaged it with cold water and cotton rags. His arm was chewed until there was a hole you could put your thumb in, while strings of flesh and fat hung down from it: The horse was got home and the man to Dr. H. J. Richards46 who dressed it and said “it will be some time before he recovers.” Notwithstanding this the man is doing well and claims he will yet break the horse. So much for the celebrated horse “Nimbers” that Brother C. anticipated being able to drive as a buggie horse against his friends protest. I have been writing and telling you what I desired you to do for my little girls health and your own relief but have sent you no money of late I trust you will not hesitate to acquaint me regularly with what you wish sent, as it gives me pleasure to send you what you need as I know you are more economical in your expenditures than I could be were I ever in your place. Your reference to Lewis’ apprehensions least “Mary Joe” should not deliver his jewelry to his mother and others. I am glad you assured him he need not be troubled about that as I think she did so all [p.169]right. I don’t wonder at what she told the sisters about what they might expect from our elders as she never did honor the gospel as far as I am able to judge. People cannot possess the spirit of the Gospel, only upon the principle of sacrifice, as the poet has said “sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven,” etc. I continue to have you and our daughter prayed for by my associates where the prayer of the faithful prevail. I have every confidence that you will yet recover from a disease that is so severe an affliction to you and that you will live to realize that God has witnessed your faith, not withstanding the efforts of the unbelievers to undermine your faith in the Lord, with all the power that the sophists possess who try to make it appear that Science does not sustain the theory of God being our heavenly father. You are indeed a living evidence of the existence of at least one daughter of God who having received the learning of the World does not go back upon God, but trusts Him as a parent and who has made sacrifices for to establish His truth and maintain His principles to His glory that gives evidences of a purity of heart that is not found in every quarter. In short, I know He has heard your prayers and witnessed your sacrifices and will reward you as I know you richly deserve, you will inherit a peace and quiet that God alone can give.
I am made to rejoice that our President maintained the testimony of Jesus to the last and was gathered to his fathers with so glorious a record.
When I have done all that our Father wills me to do here, I hope to be permitted to join one whom I so dearly loved and I believe loved me. He was good as he was great. I with you rejoice that your “old Doctor” was honored with the confidence of our greatest men and hope to see him as you say triumph in the support of the principle you speak of [i.e., polygamy]. I am glad Sister Hull is feeling so well and trust this will find you and our daughter improved and Lewis doing his best.
Clara gives me little opportunity to see her much less to “treat her.” She has a letter partially written to you. God bless you and my little one. A. Munn
[p.170]No. 13 Fleet Street-
Cheapside — Brighton — Sussex
England— Sept. 6, ’87
Have given babe her hot-water bath and put her to bed. Remained with her until she went to sleep & now will answer or acknowledge your letter of the 16th ult. Sorry you were indisposed from the effects of your ride in the sun, and trust that you speedily recovered your normal poise again. I think you try to hide from me any physical deterioration you may be subjected to least it distress me. I shall subject you to a most rigid examination when I get back and find out what manner of ailments have grown upon you during my absence. Glad to hear of dear father’s good health and was cheered by your words when you said he would live until my return. I often thought of his age and worried at times thinking he would pass away before I saw him again. Sorry our favorite doctor has been prostrated with that cutaneous affection again—and pleased to know he is recovering. Had I known of his illness before I should have advised a sea voyage, and a residence for a few weeks at Brighton-Sussex as the altitude is low, and the air quite moist the latter condition particularly favorable to the malady from which he suffers. Give him my kind love, and if it will not burden him too much, to please write me the prescription for the suppositories for the piles. This is not the first time I have applied to him for said prescription. I used to forget the proportion of the ingredients, but this time I have forgotten the ingredients themselves. That’s medical retrogression, sure! How have your piles been since your “heroic treatment.” I think Williams had better engage me to operate on him, so that I can get even with the little “Doc.” It reminds me of Young Brigham who said if “Lizzie” allowed a gentleman Doc to examine her abdomen he was going to get a lady M.D. to examine his.47 Piles are not nice companions, mine are aggravated and kept up by the swollen & displaced condition of the uterus. This inflamed condition of my womb and heaviness which brings it right down to the opening, was caused by the birth of my child—the child’s head [p.171]was allowed to grind the womb between it and the pubic bone for hours & hours—when a little skillful manipulation would have dislodged it, & the child been born long before she was, & left us both in a better condition. I know I was not right when I left America, and dragging around here with my little girl constantly in my arms has not helped me. You will think this complaining but ’tis just as well for you to know how I am. I long for the time to come when I can get back to America [and] be properly treated— as I don’t know who to trust here. Engaged one doctor, but soon found out that he knew nothing of this class of diseases—but he charged me a good bill all the same. I also went to St. Thomas’ Hospital but could not submit to the manipulations of students as is the practice there under the direction of a capable Prof.48 I am most happy to report our little girl in tolerable health. Whiney with her double teeth, but no serious trouble with her. We are in a most unhealthy section which has every imaginable odor about it, but that of sea air—but I take E. whenever the weather will permit down to the “Front” or beach where the air is pure from the ocean “par excellence” and this does her good. There are grand hotels all along here. The “Front,” which would be a most desirable place to live, but grand prices are also charged. ‘Tis here the aristocracy of England congregate—Sept. is the season and they are beginning to come now for the “Brighton Blow” and while this class are revelling in their ocean breeze and wealth, interior Brighton is grovelling in their filth & poverty. You can’t form the least conception how the poor, (not slums) but middle class of England live— & yet knowing no different they think they are doing pretty well. Oh! if this class but knew the voice of the Good Shepherd when they have the opportunity to hear it—if they but knew the sound of the Everlasting Gospel when it is sounded in their ears—how much more would not only their Spiritual, but all their temporal welfare be enhanced. I tell you, our glorious religion becomes dearer to me every day. Of course, the germ of the gospel is not in the millions of people who turn a deaf ear to the warning voice of the Elders of Israel. Our beloved Sr. Snow is [p.172]right, my experience here will be beneficial to me in some directions. One thing I will appreciate—home and everything connected with it more than ever before— yourself not excepted. Isn’t that funny? You will do well if you escape being completely devoured—I warn you to don a suit of mail for the contest.
You think I have been “economical.” I have not thought so, still I have tried to be prudent with means, without being miserly, Still my economy has been a good deal, I have thought, like Mike Lambourne’s gallantry (in Scott’s Kenilworth, “Somehow, I cannot get the true hang of it.”) An Elder Miller, who came over on the same vessel that I did, I learn has not spent forty dollars yet. Of course it is different with them. He & Bro Biggs here get room & board free, changing about among the Saints for their meals—and when they travel in their district they go on foot. Baby’s delicate condition has cost me more. The best beef for her beef tea costs me a shilling and a penny per lb 18 pence—which in our money would be twenty six cents; she does not do so well when I leave it off, & then the little toad is very fond of grapes, and of course I indulge her. “Good cullies Mama” she says—& they are hot house raised here—and of course cost something—& then the Bus fare is something—as I ride as far as I can each way to & from beach & then have a bit of a lug up hill after that—which reminds me what a miserable creature I am.
This I ask of you my loved one, tell no living soul of my condition, I dread their pity—not even our Dr as he can do nothing for me now except that prescription for piles. I pay four dollars per week for a room in middle of block and board at the other end all extries [are] extra, even to my candles which I furnish & I am now starting on my second candle— so will bring this epistle to a close. It reminds one of the primitive days of Utah to be writing by a sputtering candle—but Brighton candles are superior to those at Wolverton—N[ea]r. Stratford-On-Avon as they not only sputtered but smelt like “all creation” also. I never shall forget the first night I went to [a] new lodging place at Wolverton— the lady of the house asked me if I took supper. When I replied “yes usually”— she placed before me, on the table one of those “smelling candles”, a chunk of cold yellow fat bacon without a streak of lean in it & a piece of bread a little larger. Not knowing exactly whether it was the candle—or bacon that smelt so bad I declined trying it on the pretense of being somewhat bilious and [p.173]could not eat meat at night. The board here is very good all that one could wish so I have nothing now to complain of on that score.
Tell me if I have done wrong in forwording some of Lewis letters—as I have not asked his permission. If not please destroy them without letting others see them. My motive is this; that you will get a more thorough knowledge of his feelings and of his numerous friends—to remember him by letter, as you have no idea what a boon, to the wanderer, is the “letter from home.” Pardon my many imperfections—Oh have you got it straight about Bp. McRae yet? I trust so. Much love from Lizzie & I— Maria—
Lewis has recently told me that all the folks at home are well again which I am glad to hear—could but think what a burden the father had with trouble at home & abroad. I will not forward any more of L’s, letters—this will give you an urging to get the folks to write often. I fear it is risky—as well as a breach of the etiquette of correspondents. Address me
Mrs Alace Bennett
as usual—Fleet St. etc as at heading—
Much love Maria
London, Sept. 9—’87
Dear Old Duck—
Guess what a lady said about your photo the other day— it was the one where I roomed in Brighton. She is not of our people and knows nothing of our affairs. “Have you the photograph of Lizzie’s father?” she said, So I showed her one—with all the pride of one who thinks she has the nicest husband in the world. “He is much older than you” she remarked. “Yes” I said. “He reminds me of someone I know,” she continued. “Oh! yes I know who—its the old man who works in the stables at the top of the street.” You may believe I was disgusted with her—I think she saw how proud I was of it, and tried to take me back a bit— Those who have said you are very much like Sir Garnett W[oolsley] are nearer the truth, for I have seen his bust in wax but as I told you once before, I think you the best looking. Is that a bit of taffy? Came up from Brighton yesterday evening, did not tell Lou [p.174]which train we were coming on, and surprised him at the London Office. Prest. Ballard gave up his bed at office and went out to sleep. This Morning I took breakfast with Bro. & Sr. Teasdale at this place, Lancaster Road. They left for Liverpool to-day, and I have secured a room here for a few days—at same place. We expect to start for Switzerland via Paris on Monday or Tuesday next, it is now Friday. Lizzie is very good in health for her—for which I am truly thankful—while my health is moderate. They all tell me here in London that I am looking so much better since I went to Brighton. Your prayers have been heard in behalf of our darling, and I feel that she is to be spared and will be a joy and a comfort to us. She is now a great comfort to me. I don’t know what I should do without her sweet little prattling voice to cheer me. She is a rare “chatterbox.” Lou [Lewis Cannon] tells me that in one of your letters to him you said you had hurt your foot through jumping from a train while in motion. You did not tell me about it dearest, and I sincerely trust you are all right again. I hope I have not told you anything that Lou has said in the way of joking to make you think he has been chattering to me too much, I mean about your theatre going etc—for I would not lose his confidence for anything, for he is a good honest boy. Since I have come here, I hear some real good reports about his advancement in the ministry etc. Bro. Morris tells me none have improved so rapidly in speaking as Lou has for the short time he has been in the field, and he seems so interested in his work that it would really gratify you to see him. I hope to hear him speak on Sunday, I shall tell you about it. I want you to continue to exercise faith for me dear, as I am so anxious to be well when we meet again. How I shall enjoy the trip to the point as you promise. Excuse poor writing as it is by candle-light as usual. Many kisses & love from babe & your little Maria—
Address me to 31 Latimer Road—Notting Hill London next time & they will forward to Switzerland. Kind love to Sr. Snow when you see her. She is Israels [Mormonism’s] grandest woman—long may she live in the midst of the people who love her.
[p.175]Sept. 15, 1887
My Dear Martha:
Yours of 22nd ult. was received on 11th inst. I regret that you are compelled to exhaust what little strength you have in carrying our little Elizabeth. Could you have got other accommodations near the sea instead of removing her, I should have been pleased, as I believe it would have been better for her health, as you intimate. It gives me pleasure to know that the time is approaching when I can be nearer to you and relieve you of some of your cares. I however sympathize with you as the trial is not near over inasmuch as I have heard men say who were enduring imprisonment that the last days before discharge appeared longer to them than the months did that preceded it.
I was in hopes of hearing ere this: that you had joined Lewis on his way to Switzerland and Paris when a change of scenery would make the time appear shorter and improve your health. Although I am no doctor, I know unless ones mind is kept exercised with wholesome thoughts and scenes that gratify are witnessed, spirits of persons more hopeful will incline to droop and so effect the bodily powers. If Lewis concludes to remain in England until he procures passports, I fear he will never go.
Young Maeser49 obtained his [passport] I am told, on sending his proofs from Switzerland to Washington. I see no reason why Lewis should fail providing he makes the same effort. You fear that some of our letters have miscarried, addressed to me. I imagine your fears groundless in that I believe all you have written has been received by me. With regards as to what I misunderstood you to write about Bp McRae etc, etc., do not let that trouble you as it was no inconvenience to him, let my impressions be what they may, I have said nothing to any one relating to what I understand and am heartily glad you have taken pains to put me right on this matter.
It appears some one has taken pains to inform you of the good time I was having at “Theater with Amanda and Hattie,” I am pleased you are posted on these matters and would be very glad if you had been equally posted on all my conduct since we [p.176]separated. I am satisfied all my conduct would not gratify you— but I would not be ashamed, my little dear, were you to look upon all my conduct since we separated, for I am satisfied you would not be unhappy or yet lack confidence in my integrity, much less feel that you are not appreciated, were you made familiar with my every act. In the trials you have passed through I have been so effected when I realized you were doing it for me and the love you cherish for the sacred laws of God and the Principles he has revealed. I have cried unto Him in mighty prayer that he would not leave you to yourself amidst a cold … world, but give His angels charge of my loved ones. I will further say: I have never bowed the knee before the Lord since we parted, knowing how different you were situated from the remainder of my family (for I have felt your position can only be likened to that of Hager and her darling child, in that I, although desirous of watching over you, have only been able to do so through the same God who promised Abraham [blessings] if he would be a father to, and watch over his son) without your name and that of our darling child being the first to cross my lips and enter into my thoughts first. Of all my loved ones—not that I thought less of the rest, but from the fact that I have been able to do many little things for those near me, while God alone could watch over my dear lovely girl and our innocent and afflicted child. When I think of the scene you passed through, and the trial made of your faith, on that terrible night in London when the deadly poison was partaken of by our loved babe, and how your faith prevailed, I am melted into tears of the greatest gratitude, that I have been thought worthy of you.
I know your money must be growing short and I enclose a check that I procured from A[ngus]. M. Cannon for $200 and would ask you to inform me of what you need before your necessities crowd too severely upon you. The Sister D—’s send their love to you. E. was so severely afflicted on Saturday last that I was sent for and administered to her and comforted her very much. I was absent from the city to the ranch of A[ngus]. M. Cannon in company of his bro. David from Monday until Wednesday evening when I returned and after a meeting with H[igh] Council until 11 p.m. I again visited the Sister D—’s and found E. very much better since I was there, but A. being unwell I administered to her, and trust she is better. The Y[oung]. L[a-[p.177]dies]. M[utual]. Improvement Associations had conference today as did Relief Society yesterday. Sis. E[liza]. R. S[now]. Smith attended yesterday afternoon and this afternoon and spoke near half an hour on each occasion. A[ngus]. M. C[annon]. also attended this afternoon and spoke about 25 minutes. David has gone back today but sent his warmest love to you and was pleased to see his young niece. I am told Abbie [Wells Young] and her mother have arrived but both were so ill before reaching home that their lives were despaired of. I am not a good judge of beauty, but if my little girl is not as good looking as “Angie C—’s,” who is said to be the flower of their flock, I am much mistaken. There is an expression about the eye and mouth of my child I call handsome. I saw S[amuel] W[ickersham] W[oolley] (Bro. Johnson) yesterday who reports all o.k., and all send their love to you. John W[oolley] is still poorly from barley corn that got in his ear, it is so swollen that Dr. P[enrose] could not reach it until the swelling goes down. Give my love to Lewis and kiss my child and accept many kisses to you with my warmest love and kind embrace. I remain your own now and forever.
PS. I finished this letter today 16th. A.M.
Paris—Sept. 16, ’87
St. Petersburg Hotel
My Loved One—
My admiration for this beautiful spot of Earth knows no bounds—and my feelings go out to the French people, such as I never dreamed they would to any class outside our glorious gospel. But such is the fact wherever the eye rests in this great centre can be seen the impress of intellect—to wander through its collections of art—its palaces of departed monarchs—its halls of pleasure or drive through its gardens & boulevardes— such as we have been doing the last three days has been a period of enchantment such as I never thought to experience on this mundane sphere. That I have seen some sad days in Europe, is a reality, but this visit to this surely most beautiful city in the world or the most beautiful I have ever seen has compensated for all. Our time is up [p.178]to-night & we leave for Switzerland in the morning. We came on one of Cook’s three day Excursions from London to Paris,—where Hotel arrangements & guides are all provided without any trouble whatever. Lizzie has stood the whirl remarkably well, in fact I think her better than when I left London. This air is better for us both much lighter & clearer than in England. I am somewhat worn out as Lizzie would let Lou carry her but very little and there has been a great deal of “on feet” in following the guide through the wonderful collections. Still I will be all right again I trust. Lou, for some cause, has fallen into disrepute with our peach blossom & she won’t have much to do with him. He has gone to the Grand Opera tonight, I should very much have liked to have gone also but I needed rest, as we travel tomorrow—besides she is such a “figget” that I feared she might annoy some of the party. I know she has made Lou blush [on] several occasions with her “infantile freaks” since we have been moving among the so called “bloods.” Still she has been the “pet” of the entire party, being the only baby—and has had many pretty compliments said her from all, the guide taking particular notice of her. I have just given her a nice bath & she sleeps comfortably—while I write to you. Thank God for our precious darling—she is a genuine comfort to her little mother.
Lou is getting along nicely in several directions. Having all the elements of inexperience in the management of travelling when I first saw him, I begin to notice marked improvement in that line and as this improvement goes on I notice he had less to say about the “dogged-on” ways of foreigners and the superior ways of Americans. He actually said to-day he liked the French “Table de Hote”—when their long courses & variety of dishes thoroughly disgusted him at first. I heard Lou speak in London last Sunday when I thought he did remarkably well & if he keeps on you will be proud of him. As I told him to-day there is nothing to prevent him from making his mark among the people of God as he has every chance in the world—if he applies himself he will yet do marked honor to his parents. I have had no word from you for some time but suppose there is one waiting for me in London.
When I return to England I shall make it a point to stay over a day or so in Paris again and then go to the grand Opera—Do not think I am becoming intoxicated with the allurements of Babylon—not so. I look upon this treat as an oasis in the dreary [p.179]desert I have trod for the past two years—an oasis sent from God, to chase away the shadows that have enthralled me. “Wedded, yet experiencing none of the elements of true wedded life”—looked upon with suspicion by those who see me tarry here—but I must not complain as I am happier now than ever before in my married life. P.S. Lou is taking full notes in his journal of the wonderful places we have visited. Will write you full particulars, so I will not burden you with a repetition of them. Will write to dear mother when I get to Switzerland. Love from us all. Maria.
Basel, Sept 21 ’87
My Own Loved One,
We left London on the 13th inst. and after an all night ride from Dover across the English Channel and then by rail from Calais to Paris, we reached the latter city at 6 o’clock in the morning—but now I think of it I wrote you while in the gay capitol—so of course you know that we reached that point all right. We left there at 8.40 on the morning of the 17 inst. [en] route from Aarau, at which point Sr. Hull was staying—and it is on the same railway line going to Berne. We reached Aarau at a little after 10 in the evening and found Sr. H’s folks in bed, and as they were all packed up ready to move all their things to an adjacent village, where her Bro. in law would get better employment, we were obliged to go to an hotel for accommodations. Lou left for Berne the next morning, Sunday, Mrs. Hull’s Bro. engaged a carriage to take his lady-love for a drive through the beautiful Swiss Hills. Invited Anna, and she asked me to go also, [but] said there was not room for any more, and wondered if Lou felt offended, because she did not ask him. But I think not, as he was anxious to get to Berne and had he gone for the drive could not have left for Berne until evening, arriving there at night. I asked Lou to enquire of Bro. Schoenfeld if I could get accommodations at Berne, when Lou wrote back a very discouraging letter saying they were much more rigid in regard to the staying of foreigners in that city than in many other places, and that I would be liable to be expelled at any moment Bro. Schoenfeld however said he would do what he could for me. I stayed at the Hotel in [p.180]Aarau until Sr. H’s folks left and then came as far as this place, Basel with them—as this is a better place to get private boarding. Did not meet any one who spoke English in Aarau except Anna. She came with me to the hotel here and stayed over night with me as they don’t understand a word of English. Her folks went to their destination some little distance from here. To-day we have been riding around but have not found anything in the way of lodgings yet. Anna is very kind—I think she thinks more of me than ever before. It has done her good to get away for awhile. She seems in every way more appreciative of our friendship. She would very much like me to be with her, but the accommodations are meagre and can only provide for one, she will have to sleep up three flight of stairs. I think it just as well not to be right with her, for various reasons prominent among them this that her folks already regard me with a jealous eye, fearing that my appearance on the scene will shorten her stay among them—as she is quite a source of remuneration to them. They were very mean to her when Hull came over, but now they are exceedingly glad of her assistance. She says Hull would be awful mad if he knew how much she is doing for them, that she sends to her “manager of affairs” at home for money without letting Hull know how she is doing or spending, but that he has suspected liberality with her folk and that they, she and Hull, have had some words about the matter.
I had a most glorious time in Paris—from that delightful experience to this of getting settled in the land of the Swiss, is a retrogression from the sublime to the rediculous. But then all experience in this world is valuable, and what I have gained since I left home won’t be altogether unprofitable. I think I enjoyed myself better than Lou in Paris—as I am afraid that some of the processes one has to go through with in travelling with a babe was somewhat embarrassing to him. For instance, in going around in Cook’s “wagonette” which held 30 persons with guide furnished to explain the points of interest, they have no special arrangements to stop for the accommodations of babies—not likely. So when she wanted to “pee-pee” I held her over the side of the conveyance and so prevented her wetting her clothes. But then Lou is a good natured fellow and will know how it goes himself when he gets babies of his own. The people we went around with made a very nice party, all cultured and accommodating which made it [p.181]very nice for us. I shall return home by way of Paris and endeavor to take in the Grand Opera, which every one visits when they go there on pleasure. Lou attended the last night we were in Paris, and I was amused with him the next morning when I asked him what the Opera was, he said “he did not know, but there was lots of style there.” I told him I supposed he was so carried away with the sight of the beautifully dressed ladies, that he did not take time to find out what the Opera was—don’t tell him as I fear already I have fallen a degree in his good graces. One I think I bored him with a rehearsal of some of my associations & ambitions when I was his age. I think he thought me boasting—he is a good boy all the same and has faith in the gospel—above many of our thoughtless young people, and if he applies himself will yet do a great deal of good, and be an honor to the cause in which we are engaged. Received your letter in reply to mine of the 6th of Aug. just as I was leaving Aarau, so just had time to read it hurriedly—and it is now at the depot in my valise, so I cannot answer it in detail. I think you got the idea I was jealous on learning you was visiting at Morgan. I trust dear, that if I am so disgustingly mean or foolish as to get jealous over the discharge of your duty to others, and obligations and attentions which is their absolute right to receive from you, that I will have sufficient strength and grace from God to thoroughly eradicate the same, and replace it with a less selfish feeling— and so prove to you that I am possessed of a degree of womanhood worthy the mother [of] your child. I simply learned that Lou’s mother was staying at Morgan & that you were visiting with her—and mentioned it— not out of jealousy but to offset your statement about the “political” press upon your time—thinking of course that your stay was of much longer duration than one day—an impression of my own merely. Our little daughter is getting along well, while I am less pulled down than I thought I would be after the jerking & jolting of travel. I must certainly be better, for after our trip to Wales and I got settled at Fisher’s Gate near Brighton, I was terribly pulled back. I have developed into what I used to despise in others a disposition to complain at physical ailments. But of a surety I have felt horrid with this derangement. How much longer God will permit me to bear the burden I cannot say, and have made up my mind to wear the discomfiture with as seeming grace as practicable, and look forward to the time when I can consult the leading gynecologist of America concerning my case—viz. Prof. [p.182]Dunster of Ann Arbor.50 Tell my dear mother I will write to her in a day or so, that is, if you happen to see any of the folks tell her that she has an “afflicted” daughter in a foreign land & she is among strange people who speak, to her an unknown tongue. Would be glad of a little of her time, in the way of a letter, providing she can spare it from the afflicted local sisters. There is a proverb that “Charity begins at home“—but here I will keep my soliloquy to “mine self.” I can remember a time when mother was as prompt in writing me, as Lou’s mother is to him, at the present time, but I think mothers become less solicitous when their children marry—especially if they “run off” and do it without their (the mother’s) consent. Well dear, I guess this is all very interesting to you.
3 o’clock p.m—Well we have found a place for me to stay for the present. It is at Mrs. H’s brother’s here in Basel. She did not at first think she could accommodate me, but by me hiring a bed myself, she, Anna’s sister in law, can provide board & room—I have to deposit eighteen dollars for the bed—but when it is returned within a period or limit of three months, I will have sixteen dollars returned to me. Mrs. S.51 will return to her sister’s home tonight, after I get my bed etc—and then I will have to do my talking dumb show fashion, as I am as big a mystery as far as language is concerned to the people here, as they are to me. When Lou sent me word that there was danger of my arrest and expulsion should I locate to Berne, I simply answered that the prospect of getting the G.B. (grand bounce) from this country did not worry me a particle. To the contrary I should hail it as the “bugle call” summoning me to the land of my adoption viz. America, and while I should not purposely run my head into the noose, neither should I make any strenuous efforts to avoid it. Nor have I any intention of spending a second winter in England, the scene of so much ill health on the part of my child, nor yet go to Italy where the cholera is prevalent. To go to a strange land unknown to anybody there with no knowledge of the language, unacccompanied except with a child in arms, the suggestion will do on paper, but to put it in practice would be an unpardonable folly. This is what I wrote Lou, but I know when you suggested it, you [p.183]did it out of good feeling—at the same time knowing nothing how it is over here, and the danger one is liable to get into travelling alone and not understanding the language. Perhaps Lou will tell you what a worriment it was to him, coming from Paris merely to Aarrau when all we could get from the conductor and porters was a scowl of disgust when we asked them questions concerning our arrival in Aarau etc.
Evening—Pardon the poor penmanship of the above, the blotting is some of your daughter’s work. I am located and Sr. Hull has left for her country residence—and a fine performance I have had to begin with. In getting Lizzie to bed I wanted a bit of rag to wash her with as I had left her sponge at the Hotel, when the lady of the house brought me a comb, the wash dish stood on a small table, that I thought perhaps she, the lady, would not like me to wet when washing Lizzie. So I motioned for a towel or something to cover it, when she brought me a big cushion, thinking perhaps that I wished to sit the babe on it. Instead of blankets and quilts we have a small feather bed to cover us. Lizzie calls it a “big pillow.” “Take big pillow off Lizzie, Mama,” she remarked when I put her to bed. And the gesticulating that goes on between me and the lady, thoroughly disgusts our rosebud, who says the lady is a “cacca” lady. “Cacca” is baby’s term for things she does not like. Well, I must quit or you will be surfeited with “difficulties among the Dutch or Swiss,” as Lou will no doubt have another chapter to tell you, as soon as he begins to run the gauntlet. When I came to see about the bed, it [was] nineteen dollars they required on deposit, and two dollars rent per month besides for the article. When I return it will then get it—the $19 returned to me. The lady here will board and lodge me for about sixteen dollars per month; so according to these calculations I will have sufficient means to last until Christmas. By that time I will expect an Xmas present in the way of a check. The trip from London here has cost me seven pounds ten shillings—or thirty seven dollars & a half. Lou kept the accounts & told me what I was indebted to him. I had a five pound note with me, and was owing Lou two pounds on the Paris account when he left for Berne. Did not have time to get it changed before he left—attended to it the next morning by way of post office transportation or exchange— or carriage whatever it is called—but have not heard yet, as it is hardly time whether he got it O.K. Have money in [p.184]Liverpool so will send for it immediately, as I have run a little short in making the deposit for my bed etc. Sr. H has kindly loaned me a little until I get mine from Liverpool, when I will immediately refund it. Don’t mention this to Hull as I believe he is worried about her money transactions, afraid she will do too much for her folks, etc. I see in my satchel there is a letter for mother which I began at Aarau which I will finish and enclose with this. I scarcely think there are any more interested individuals in the matter of Utah’s statehood than we women of the U.G. [underground] To return home with a darling baby, and yet be an unacknowledged wife, is going to be harder to bear, than the loneliness of exile life. But I must not dwell on this for it is the most unpacifying propositions of thought that it has been my lot to contend with in my short career—Tell Dr. A[nderson] I saw in the great Paris Cemetery, that beautiful piece of sculpture, the tomb of those devoted yet unfortunate lovers “Abelard and Heloise”. It was the latter who said to Abelard “Give me what thou canst and let me dream the rest.” Seperated in life, they lie side by side in the silent sepulcher. Oceans of love from one who is devoted to you, Maria—Address me next time
Mrs. Maria Munn,
Cof F. W. Ballmer,
72 Allschwilerstrasse, Basel Zwitzerland
that is if you think Munn safe. If not enclose to Liverpool as before. Please furnish Davis’ address—I don’t know whether it is Utah or Idaho—
Will not finish mother’s tonight as I have written too long to you, please mail enclosed to Bro. Davis the answer to the one he sent me, M. I go by the name of Munn here.
September 28, 1887
My Dear Martha:
Yours of 6th and 9th inst. has been received and the enclosed to mother of the latter date delivered. Father was present and assisted in administering the sacrament on Sunday. I cannot tell you the feelings of my heart when I read your narration of what you endure in your bodily ailments consequent upon what [p.185]you have passed through and endured in giving my child life and nursing and carrying for it while in exile. It appears to me that had I supplied you with more means you need not have been so enfeebled for you would not have been so enslaved. As it is I have been ignorant of the wrong I was inflicting upon you. I am glad that you procure her, at least, beef tea & grapes even if the beef does cost 26c per lb., and the grapes are grown in hot house. I know they are both as good as any thing for her.
I have just seen the Doctor [Anderson] who is still suffering from an affliction in his face, which he says does not trouble him much although disagreeable to him. He desired me to say he was in excellent spirits and hopes to be better soon. I advised him of your affliction and told him I hoped soon to see you with us when he expressed himself as being hopeful of being able to give you relief. I enclose his prescription for the suppositories for the piles. He also wrote you advice about an article that he saw published which he thought you might read with profit. I told him had you known of his ailment earlier you would have advised him to have taken an ocean voyage believing it would have been good for his complaint. He quite agreed with you, when I tried to have him try it—as I thought it would be good for both of you. I gave him your love and asked him to write you. To this he made no reply.
You ask me how my piles are. In reply I will say I have felt nothing of them since I was operated upon. I will cherish no feelings whatever if you can relieve Williams or any other afflicted soul troubled as I was especially if it will make you feel that you are getting even with me in my waywardness. Yes I will be willing to aid you [to] perform the operation, inasmuch as you request it, as was the case with “the little Doc.” I forget myself in writing you this inasmuch as the operation was undertaken, at my request, on condition I would not make the matter known. How does it look, when the question is asked: how does this man merit confidence. I feel my face suffused with blushes when I realize how little I merit their mutual confidence. I saw our little friend E[mma] F[inch] the other day who inquired if the lilies of the valley had gone. She desired to be remembered to you. I had shown her the photo some weeks since. I am glad you sent me the evidences you did of my loved sons dutiful conduct toward his aunt. It was with great pleasure I learned from you of his progress [p.186]and faithful labors in the ministry. I trust he will be a help to you and that Elizabeth will permit him to relieve you in part at least.
The news that you were on the eve of your departure [to Europe] with Lewis when you last wrote was most gratifying. He tells me that without passports he is liable to be banished. I am not prepared to believe this, and believe if he makes application from Bern to the powers at Washington he is likely to obtain them as young Maeser, inasmuch as that was the way he obtained these. You speak of injury I sustained in jumping off a R[ail] W[a]y car. It was when I was going to Cedar Valley of which I told you. The train was going fast and although I sprang forward, I took big chances inasmuch as I fell and to save my face, [and] I struck on my hands and knees. The result was: I cut my pants through also my garments and cut my knees a little, also stove up my wrists.
I however have actually recovered and am now entirely well. Pres. Abraham Hatch52 witnessed the exploit and expressed himself as desirous of not seeing another like it. It occurred on account of my being occupied reading a paper and keeping account of the number of stations passed (without thinking I was on the D[enver]. & R[io]. G[rande Railroad]. instead of the U[tah]. C[entral]. R[ailroad].). I was only made conscious of my error as I raised my eyes and caught a glimpse of “Lehi Station” instead of “Lehi Junction” as I expected it to be. The result was I found the train under what some would call “headway” when I made my spring. The passengers looked out and the train stopped only to see me walk off as if nothing had occurred. I was not afraid to hurt you by telling it but more from a disposition to avoid having you laugh at my making such a mistake.
In short I was afraid that you would believe what the woman said about me “being old” and as clumsy as her “ideal” stableman if I didn’t look like him. A person has to be old before they really know how to feel for those who are so counted (I judge so from the [feelings] once exhibited by persons I looked on as old) they try to disguise their feelings. As for instance I should not like you to call me by such endearing names as “My old Duck” nor yet my old goose, no not even my old Drake. The facts [p.187]are it would be too near the truth which is not always relished by the best of us. I trust you have received the draft I sent you for $200 on the 16th inst. I must close as I have a meeting to attend. God bless you both is my constant prayer in faith. Kiss my child and accept my kindest love. As ever A. Munn.
P.S. Give my love to Sis. H & Lewis. A.M.
Basel — Switzerland
Sept. 30 ’87
My Own Loved One,—
Your kind letter of the 6th inst., to hand a few days ago. Lewis in one of his letters to me while in England remarked—”Rest assured father is still reclaiming land,” and so it seems from your recent rehearsals to me. Surely, like unto Jacob, thou art increasing in wives and children, flocks and herds, houses and lands. So may it be, so long as it “fulfills all righteousness.” Don’t get “land poor” however in the campaign. Don’t you allow that stallion to injure my dear lord, he has shown his ire in the way he took hold of the horsebreaker’s arm. Why should your ambition vault to “out do” me in the possession of, or in driving with Roscoe? Lewis comforts me how ever by saying “he stumbles,” but “for goodness sakes don’t say I told you,” my pride, at the thoughts of possessing him, with the new harness and buggie has not diminished. To indulge in such luxuries after so long a deprivation will produce such super-exaltation of feelings that I shall have to brace myself to hold up under it. In the promised ride to Bluff Dale you must give me some instruction in driving as I am quite out of practice. Lewis says “women never do learn how to drive properly.” We only saw flashes of the sunlight of Paris, and none of the Shadows that Benedict made it a point to study. He was loud in his praises of “Paree” in London, and said he “never saw a beggar during the whole space of time he visited there. Worse than beggary are those exhibitions, where women sell their virtue and womanly modesty for the gold that buys them bread. I join in my gratitude to Mina for making you comfortable: with what joy and pleasure I would be your helpmeet, in assisting in things that would bring you happiness and rest—were it in my power to do [p.188]so. But unlike Leah, I would not barter away my mandrakes to secure your society when you preferred to bestow it upon others. They did sorne queer things in the Bible days it seems to me, and yet many of those people were more pure than we are today—they making offspring the chief object of the association of the sexes. Something that would materially benefit the human family if it was practiced among more in modern times. I am glad to hear M’s baby is better—I know a mother’s feelings as she kneels in despair by the supposed death-bed of her child. By passing through that ordeal I learned God was my friend when others were thousands of miles distant—and witnessed none of my anguish. Lou tells me Mina says I am “a crank for staying away from home the way I do,” when I remarked I feared she would think me more so if I returned and got some one very dear to her into trouble. When he further said “Mina don’t believe in polygamy much any way, she beefs like blazes.” If I give you many more quotations from Lou I fear you will think he did me more harm than good, not so, and if through my foolish rehearsal of some of what he has said I throw any reflection on him, I shall be heartily sorry for my folly. I have been aprehensive since [coming] here, that I offended him in various ways during our trip from London particularly from the fact that I spoke quite sharp to him on several occasions. But a very nice letter recently received from him fully assures me such is not the case. He had secured the long sought for papers, and has them[, and is] starting for his appointed field of labor. Said he had been told, that there were some of a rather better off class of people with whom he would sojourn, and kindly asked if he should look for a boarding place for me, as he thought it would be better there than living alone here in Basel. Have not answered yet. It would be a good offer if I decided to stay in this country, as the people where I am, will want the rooms I occupy when cold weather sets in, as it contains heating facilities. Such is not my present intention—my head and nerves are in no condition to apply myself to the study of the language—and to be where you can’t talk is ruinous to ones feelings. I have got the “bee in my bonnet” bad, so look out for rapid movements. Ere this reaches you the gigantic skeleton, or ill omen of V yrs [in prison] is bombarded—or outwitted—[and] the mere pigmy of 7 mos. only [in prison] facing the small offendor [the plural wife] perjury possible, on the female side. But this does not worry her a particle—if caught in a lie she is willing and ready to face the [p.189]music—”Bad diet” they say, in the Pen. I have stomached equally as bad over here, and paid a “smart” price for it too—one consolation [would be] to know you were boarding at the expense of the Government. “Bugs and fleas” they say, ah! I have become an expert at catching & slaying the vermin, on this continent and who knows but what I might earn high wages in ridding the “House on the Hill” [the Utah penitentiary] of the pestilence. Above all we would be permitted to gaze on the faces of loved ones occasionally—some thing we have been totally deprived of during our wanderings here. I would simply go to the Pen with all the self-pride and enthusiasm of one who had never been there before—and after sowing my time, be just as reluctant to repeat the dose as those who have already been “through the mill.” Just so with my European experience, no more Europe for me unless one can do it high life, then I would like it—but that plays you to the tune of four dollars per day simply for board & guide, without a single auxiliary. That was what it cost us in Paris, those glorious three days. That was Paradise—but paradises are expensive wherever found, on earth or above it. It is going to cost a round sum in the form of human sacrifice, to gain that higher Paradise according to the road mapped out by some. ‘”Jordan’s a hard road to travel,” they say. Let the Jordan pedestrians “wrap their cloaks of virtue round themselves and smile”!—x x x—
If I was desperately mad at you and desired some means of revenge I should recommend you being subjected to the same conditions that I have been for the past year and a half, with a little pale-faced baby greatly in need of home comforts. “Get them you say—have I not repeatedly offered to send all the money you need”? Yes but money will not change the habits & customs of people who have their own way in dealing with boarders and the English are “Bull dogs” or John Bull, I guess it is, (Stubborn) to perfection. I don’t know what the people are here, nor have I any great desire to find out by sojourning with them for any length of time. All misunderstandings at present are attributed to non-comprehension of terms. Sr. Hull has found through sad experiences that money does not supply the place of home—be the latter “ever so humble.” She is tolerably comfortable at present, however she has a host of relatives in these parts who “dolly” about her to perfection—she [is] a sort of “Big toad in a little puddle;” but from what observation I have made it is simply money-favor [p.190]that they bestow upon her. Nor do I think her totally oblivious to this fact herself—but probably thinks it better to overlook it, than to live alone among strangers. Their apparent affiliation is much like the “cupboard love” of overgrown boys who kiss their mother for the lumps of plum pudding & pieces of pie they get as recompence for the exhibited favor. “Verily we are not of the world and the world comprehend us not.” Instead of being honored for the superior morality and virtue we possess, we are every where looked upon with suspicion. It is an absolute fact that a woman can’t travel here in Europe with a baby, unaccompanied by her husband, without having that child branded with illigitimacy, and herself looked upon as one who has submitted herself to prostitution—and simply being paid to keep out of the way with the child. And when you attempt to explain that your husband is in America, it only tends to confirm their suspicions. To the impure mind, all things are smirched—and the so called virtuous (?) modest (?) women of these parts openly declare that they would not stay two weeks away from their husbands without submitting themselves to the embraces of other men. Surely this bespeaks with ringing tones the existence of an adulterous generation. That we have been fouly suspicioned of their own deeds is true—one can feel the influence. And I boldly and truthfully avow that never did woman conduct herself with more retirement and seclusion from those things that would tend to licentiousness than I have during my 18 months stay on this continent. Our very modesty has been misconstrued as a species of sly assumption. Now old boy all I have said is as true as the gospel—nor have I told it in a complaining spirit, or to elicit sympathy—but simply to give you a slight insight into what a woman has to contend with, while assisting to establish a righteous principle upon the earth. Much that you should have known I have been silent upon—praying each time I wrote, that no breathings of my true situation or feelings should enter into the spirit of my letter. Feeling that it was upon my own suggestion that I came here, in an enfeebled mental and physical condition, and that I was willing to submit to whatever conditions the God of Heaven saw fit to subject me to. I feel now that the keenness of the ordeal is passed—and so far as I am concerned, it will remain an untold tale. Satisfied with the fact that God knows all about it—and myself none the worse for the experience I have had. I remarked the other day to Sr. Hull—”Anna we will feel pretty small in the ‘Great day of Accounts’ if we find that we were [p.191]grumbling all the time about the very things that were to prove our salvation.”
Oct. 2, 87—Yesterday I received a postal card from Lou—he has now reached his field of labor and [is] applying himself assiduously to the study of the language. Like all strangers in a strange land, however he feels a sense of loss—but I have every confidence that he will master the situation and do his part in the great Latter-day work. I wrote him to-day, and told him to brace up, that “Jordan was a hard road to travel,” but you found yourself infinitely better off by keeping well heeled for the journey. And, that there was a divinity in learning how sublime a thing it is to suffer and be strong.
Burn this letter dear one and do not hint to mother the length of it. I should be sorry to cause dear mother a pang, through the favor of a letter of this kind can be called such— that I bestow upon my lord. Won’t I be glad to see her dear face again—I appreciate her more now than ever before. Give the lace collar I send to St. Snow. Tell her I secured the service of one of the poor but faithful sisters of Bedfordshire, Eng. to make it, thinking she would prize it more coming from that source than if it had been purchased in one of the gilded bazaars of Paris. Address the letters hereafter to Liverpool as that is the safest way—and they are very kind & prompt in forwarding them. Bro. McAllister53 does the book-keeping there now. I will be away from here now (I mean this house) before the reply to my preceding letter reaches me. I thought I was domiciled here until about Xmas time—and so thought—and correctly so—that my means would last. But moving about costs more—so please send it a little earlier and so oblige your restless little relative. But it is the jolly-rosy cheeked little Dutch woman, that is starting me off this time, I expected to stay in her house longer. Anna says the real cause of her wanting the room is that she has always been in the habit of tickling her husband at night after they go to bed, and have a regular rough & tumble romping game like youngsters, and that she is too bashful to do it while I am in the next room. How is that for an explanation? I think the gentleman of the house could endure the deprivation of the play a little longer, as he seems quite annoyed [p.192]that the little plump lady wants me to give up the room at the end of the month. But I don’t mind it a particle, as to stay where you can’t talk gets a little monotonous.
Now Old Boy, I shall cease and it rather grieves me to leave half a sheet of paper unoccupied. Give my love to Dr. A[nderson] when you see him. I was dreaming about him the other night, when he looked young and handsome. I notice the goodly sized letters of “Romania B” in the Exponent—presumably advertising the Des[eret]. Hospital, but it is more of a personal advertisement to my notion. And if they don’t look out, that institution will become as thoroughly “Romania” as the Exponent is “Emmeline,” and progress about as rapidly—notwithstanding from last reports I heard it was getting along “swimmingly” under the new supervision. It would please both ladies to see their names underscored even in a letter written by as insignificant a personage as myself—ain’t I mean! It will crop out in spite of all my endeavors to be charitable—How is Hiram [B. Clawson]? I don’t suppose I will ever be able to initiate myself into his good graces any more—I have never written him a line. And I know he at one time expected it—his assumed indifference to the contrary. I have done everthing within my power to secure safety in the matter for which I left home. This will have to be sufficient excuse for all delinquencies on my part—
Good-night—”God bless you
With devoted love we are yours,
Maria & Elizabeth
Oct. 4 ’87
My Own Loved One—
This leaves us in tolerable health—the little one particularly. Do you know were it not for that local trouble, with which I am ever grunting, that I would be a tough rugged little woman. I seem sound everywhere else, except occasional head symptoms when in high altitudes: here in Switzerland, dullness & some dizziness tells me I am higher than in Old England. And I believe this would also go were the womb all right, as there is a wonder-[p.193]ful sympathy between that organ & the brain—Many women that are considered “cranks” are simply victims to this harrassing complaint. Your words cheer me when you say I will yet be all right in this respect, and I trust I may so live that I will be worthy of so great a blessing. Prof. [Louis F.] Moench54 called to see us yesterday morning. He secured my address either from Lewis or his travelling companion. I don’t recollect which. He was very kind & pleasant—took breakfast with me, the latter consisting of bread & milk & Dutch [Deutsch] cheese. The Germans & Swiss all take strong coffee, and wonder how it is that we discard that staple article of diet. Kindly invited me to visit Bern, and strongly advised me to take a trip over the “Oberland” or a portion of it—as it contains some of the finest scenery in Switzerland. I have decided to do so, as the folks in this house seem to be hurrying me off. I don’t quite understand their operations. If I could talk, perhaps I could read them better. They are very kind to me, won’t say anything against me—about being a trouble or anything of that kind, as I told Anna to pump them on that score. [B]ut they seem simply anxious for me to go—having secured a number of addresses of rooms to rent, and will refund what money is coming to me if I get a place before the month is out. I had paid them one month in advance. I will lose on my bed, however, as I had hired that thinking I could have my room here until Xmas. If I could talk, I should give them to understand that they should make that good. As it is, Anna has to do my talking to them and she is such a queer creature and gets full of wine every time she comes here—as they set wine before her, and she drinks it like a fish, & chatters Dutch55 like a magpie—that I do not care to trust too much explanation to her. But I say this for her, she has been very kind to me since I came here—and seems quite provoked with her brother’s folks for wanting me to go, and says she will try and get me a place near her in Riehen, or if I prefer, another place here in Basel. But I told her, I did not think I should stay, as I feel lost to be where I can’t converse with the people I live with. I have no desire to get too intimate with her again. I made [p.194]up my mind to be guarded in that respect before I came to Switzerland, as I know what a miserable influence she can work herself into at times. Although I believe she would be better, or try to, than she was before. But, I do not intend to repeat the experience—I was too glad to get away from it about nine months ago. She showed me a letter from Hull the other day in which he said he was sick and tired of the way they had been writing for the past several months, that she seemed to take delight in keeping him in hot water, that he could not for a moment think she meant half of what she said, that he hoped the child would develop a more amiable disposition than she had, and wound up by saying with all her faults he loved her still, that they had had some very, very happy times together, and hoped to have them again, & if he could only see her, he would make her feel quite different [than] what she does. Be careful what you say to him. I will tell you some day something else he has written to her, & on a different subject. Anna, while in England, told me a great deal of how mean her folks [relatives] were when she was first here, after Hull came over [to Switzerland]—and says that those where Annie [was] born were the worst. That they wrote home to America expecting something was not exactly right about the birth of the child, and stated particular names, dates etc. and the [Swiss] midwife told her [Anna] that they [her parents] had received word back that there must be some mistake about the name etc., that the lady in question was a widow, her husband only being dead a few months. Anna had told her folks that she had married her husband’s brother, hence she bore the same name as formerly. And Hull had, or bore, the deceased husband’s name while here with her folks—and his own when in other parts. This reached their ears (her relatives) and made them worse. When they (the Hull’s) heard what had or was said to have been written home by her folks, they left Switzerland immediately. Now I rehearse all this, from the fact that Anna asked me for one of Lizzie’s photographs the other day, and when she came this last time she asked her sister-in-law for it, that she had left it in her (the sis in laws) room, when the latter said she had not seen it.
Anna told me she “knew she had, and was keeping it on the sly.” I have recently found out that this Bro. where I am staying is the one where Anna was staying when the baby was born. Although Anna had never told me this, probably recollecting how [p.195]mean she said they had been to her. Then the other day the lady of the house said to Anna—”Now, tell me what is the matter, why do you stay from home as you do, and here is Mrs. Munn, she seems to be doing the same. Now there is something [behind] it— tell me what it is!” When Anna explained that there was a law in our country that punished people if they had children oftener than three years apart & that we were staying away so as not to have a second one before the three years was up. The Dutch lady took it for granted, but answered that she “would tell her law makers to go to a place (a place meaning Jericho I presume) that she would have her own way about things of that kind.” I told Anna we would say Amen! to that remark, but had to submit to the tyranny all the same. Now the good Dutch lady rehearsed all this to her husband & he being rather of a shrewder type, receives it with a grain or two of salt—and I observe there is some whispering sentences passed between them—and it may be that this is the real cause of their hurry to get me off. They think there is something wrong. And he is launching out in a little private business of his own and perhaps they think it might injure it. This is merely supposition on my part. There is something at work any rate. Now the thing that I wished to impress is this—I wonder if they will do any mischief with the little photograph, and write home to inquire who Mrs. Munn is. I scarcely feel that there is anything to feel apprehentious about. Still, one can’t be too cautious—especially now that the time is near up. I have not told Anna what I was thinking after she told me they had the photo. Anna said [she] never could find out to whom they wrote for information in Salt Lake—[she] got George D. Pyper56 to make inquiries at the City Hall etc., but he could learn nothing about it. Now dear, I have simply burdened you with this as I have with every other real or imagined danger bearing upon our case so that we could be prepared should anything come of it.
Another important item is money. If I take this trip up the Oberland (Upper Land) it will require more than if I remained quietly in the Dutch family for the next three months. Bro. Moench advised me to get Bro. G[ersh] Wells to go with me as he is throughly acquainted with the whole country and could point out [p.196]the places of interest to me. In which case I should pay his expenses. But Bro. Moench assures me that it is not a very expensive trip & that it would be foolish to be here in Switzerland and not see some of its finest scenery. It is the same trip that Bro. Teasdale took when he was here, and [later] constituted a series of articles for the “Star.” Gersh knows I am here through Lewis, and told the latter he would call on me as I am located in his district. I will caution him about writing home as to who he meets. The married men get cross when you caution them on that score, remarking “don’t you think I have been trained on that point.” Such was Bro. Thomas’ remark when I told him not to say anything to Aimee about who he had met etc.
But the young men will probably take the suggestions more kindly having had less experience, or none rather, in U.G. [underground] matters. I will get Gersh’s address and find out the cost of the trip & let you know. Now dear, send the money as soon as you get this. Send it to Liverpool as usual and I can get it from there, and be insured against getting short, and here let me thank you for the willingness with which you supply our wants. And dear, I firmly believe you will always have plenty to supply the necessities of your families because you are ever willing to devote your time to the furthering of the interests of Zion. I once told Bro. Biggs of Brighton branch that you spent nearly all your time for the church when he remarked, “that all those brethren who worked received remuneration for their services.” And when I told him that you did not he would scarcely credit it. I guess it is all right about these people turning me out—it is the first place yet that I have been asked to go—otherwise it would be too late in the season to take the Oberland trip. Moench says it takes a little over two days to make it. He wishes to be specially remembered to you, but how he knew who you were is not known to me. Like murder it will out. Says he has a “lady in the very same box as myself, who writes him very complaining letters, and who thinks him cruel and unfeeling at times.” Why he should tell it is a little strange. He said I had a good, noble pure husband, a true servant of the Living God. When I told him I knew it, and that he was every thing. So it goes. Every solitary lady that I have heard of being on the U.G. have that complaint—what Lou would call “beefing” (grumbling I guess). We only differ from one another in the fact that some of us have got the malady a bit worse than [p.197]others—Emily [Wells Grant] was about the most amiable of the lot and yet I heard that she often bemoaned her sad fate and wept over it too—Just see I tell all this to let you realize what a good little girl I have been—but just wait the end isn’t yet—I’ll simply annihilate you when I get hold of you—Maria—
October 6, 1887
My Dear Martha:
As you will perceive I am engaged in attending our semiannual conference once more in this city. We have a very large attendance and an excellent spirit is manifest. I will not say more as you will read the minutes in the “News.”
I am in receipt of yours of the 16th ult. which came to hand this morning, and was much delighted in reading of the pleasure you took in visiting the gay capitol, as you possibly could have been in witnessing what you did. I felt persuaded that could you but visit other parts and obtain some sound enjoyment you would be better in body. It is to be hoped you will keep up your journeying and visiting until you get relief from the depression that I began to feel was gradually stealing over you, which cannot be wondered at as you have endured your exile better than I could have expected to do, under altogether more favorable circumstances. One thing I do wish, now that the little traveller is weaned, that you could prevail on her to let someone more strong carry her, by any system of indulgence you can invent. It would have given me great pleasure to have accompanied you in your pleasant journeyings. I do not say this of all that you have had to endure and pass through as I know women are possessed of greater endurance than men as a rule. I fear from what you tell of Hull’s experience that I would have proved a failure by way of adding to your comfort, let my inclination have been what it might. I have desired to make your life happy as I know how, yet when I realized how utterly I failed to convince you of my gallantry compared with some others. I feel that I had better never assume a role for which nature never designed me to take a part. Yet when I try to call to mind what nature has made me a success at, outside of the ever so manifest favors of God, I am unable to say.
[p.198]Captain Preston Thomas, with whom I once crossed the plains, said “I would often have been discouraged in trying to get through this world, was I not conscious that I never knew a person-let him be the greatest fool I ever knew—but he got through the world somehow.”
If I fail in making you happy, I’m glad you find relief in the sights to be witnessed in lovely Paris, glittering as she does in Royal splendor. If I can only refrain from making your otherwise joyous life miserable, I shall be happy in that knowledge at least. I must change this train of thought lest you imagine I have a blue streak on me which I have always resisted since we became one. As my greatest desire, outside of my direct service of God, is to make my loved ones happy. If I can do this my joy will be all that I can wish inasmuch as I know God has given me those to cherish, all of whom are pure and good and worthy of my greatest care and committed confidence. I never bow the knee to Him that I do not thank Him sincerely that He has given me the love and confidence of such pure and devoted souls, and pray Him to make me to so live that I might give evidence that I am worthy of them.
It is a constant anxiety least [in] the increased effort on your part to save our child and gratify its every wish, you are not sacrificing your life and destroying your powers ordained of God to increase his glory in other directions. I never cease to have you each remembered and prayed for by name when I assemble with my brethren in the [prayer] circle.57
It is very gratifying to witness the kindly interest you take in our son Lewis. I called to see his mother and being asked if I had any word from him I answered “I have word of him being in Paris,” and having once been requested to show his letters as she had made a practice of showing me those which she had received in which he spoke kindly of you and our little charge. She had learned the fact that he was where he could get the benefit of your advice and watchful care which appeared to please her. I accordingly permitted her to read your letters that I had received today. I am aware it was a breach of your confidence for me to do this, but if you remember what you wrote of, and know you wrote [p.199]there was nothing in yours of 16th ult. that might not have been shown to the noble souls. The letter comforted her in the kind expressions you made use of in speaking of her darling boy. If there had been one word made use of that you could have objected to her seeing, I should not have shown it to her.
Angus M. Cannon took one Alex. Patterson to his [Cannon’s] ranch last Monday staying overnight at his [Cannon’s] Bluffdale farm where he settled with his farmer, [Brother] Holt, who leaves the same after occupying it for two years in company of his three sons and a daughter. His two sons and daughter with her husband succeeded in its occupancy, and he settled by buying the old gentlemen’s interest in half the increase of the stock, colts and horned stock, male and female, being three of the former and fourteen of the latter.
As I said, the next morning he drove to the ranch, and the two made a circuit of ten miles viewing the ground and where the fence of 9 3/4 miles is to be put up by Mr. Patterson who takes the contract. It is needless to say they were tired. What I wish to tell you is that on their return while driving along in the dark, the wheel of the cart struck a bolder and threw A[ngus]. M. C[annon]. forward in front of the wheel, when by holding to the cart with his feet, and the horse by the lines with a tight grip, he escaped being killed. His companion coming to his help exclaimed with his Irish brogue “God be praised Brother Cannon that you are not killed.” I am very well except that I have a terrible cold and am hoarse.
When AMC returned it was to find that Mina had gone back to her mothers with her children in consequence of Sarah’s little Elizabeth getting diptheria.58 Other families are also afflicted with the same complaint. Angus is sleeping at her house and takes his meals at the Valley House.59 You spoke of all the trouble being ended at the hospital. In this I think you are mistaken as there has been a terrible flare up between the doctor [Romania B. Pratt] and the matron [Jennie Whipple] in which the police were summoned. All is now hushed up and nothing appears in the papers. The latter had to give way and all is quiet again.
[p.200]I must now close as it is time for meeting. Give my love to Lewis and say I am indeed pleased to learn of his faithfullness. I continually pray to the Lord in his behalf. Kiss my little daughter for me and say “Thy father read thy little letter with great pleasure.” I shall be pleased to receive another. May the Lord bless and preserve you my dear Martha, and increase your strength to live and do all that thy heart can inspire thee to do. Accept my warmest love and affectionate embrace of your own Arthur Munn.
PS If there are errors in this overlook them as I have not time to read it over before sending it. A.
Basel — Switzerland
Oct 9, 1887
My Own Loved One,
Your welcome letter of Sept. 15, with Clara’s reached me on the morning of the 6th inst. Do you recollect what event that date commorates in addition to conference? It was Sr. Hull’s birthday and she invited me to Riehen in honor of her 34th year. Lizzie likes to go there, on account of the super abundance of playthings. I find it a bit awkward getting about not knowing the language. I went to the third class billet box (ticket box) for my ticket and noticed a placard in it but could not understand it—it also had a hand on it pointing to the next box. I threw down a franc & said “Return und comdt back” when he asked me some question—to which I answered “yes”. I found my way to the right train but got in the wrong box. It appears I was in a second box, when my ticket was third. I showed my ticket to a gentleman & he said to follow him, and as he went into the second class compartment, I thought perhaps my ticket was 2nd class. There was nothing on it that I could distinquish which class it was. When the conductor came around he gave me a good scolding in Dutch, for being in the “wrong box.” Lizzie said he was a “Caca man” her word for expressing displeasure. Had a pleasant time at Sr. Hulls, and when the rain cleared off we took the babies out in the perambulator and crossed the lines into Germany. From that point we could see an old convent on a hill, and the entire sides of the hill that faced us was covered with grape vines. Grapes are con-[p.201]siderably cultivated about here, and it is just harvest time with them now. Anna said that nearly the whole village of Riehen were off gathering grapes that day. Wine is drunk every day for dinner even among the poor classes, just as we drink water at home. Hull had sent A[nna] a nice letter and birthday card & said there was a package on the way for her containing a birthday present. I thought my boy don’t remember birthdays or any thing of that kind—his family is too numerous for that and he is no hand at it anyway. I don’t believe but he keeps us well supplied with the substantial all the same, and I smilingly thought of my 40 dollar check received that morning. I am glad you sent it dear—and let me thank you for it. I had just written for some—which order you may disregard for the present. Babe is not so well with her teeth again but nothing serious She only has four double ones to come, and then the ordeal is over with the little treasure—it has been a terrible seige with her while little Annie Hull cuts them with scarcely any trouble whatever. There is such a difference in children in this respect. Elizabeth ever since I have been over here in Europe has been troubled with her bladder—having to strain to pass her water. It is much worse at night after she has lain for several hours, when the little thing has to strain most piteously to evacuate it. Medicine does not relieve her, it is due to some mechanical obstruction either narrowing of the passage or stone—I hardly think, and trust not the latter—as other symptoms are absent. An examination will have to be made to determine the exact cause—and I dread this. She is a fearfully nervous child, you would scarcely believe it if I told you all about her. She would go into frantic hysterics if I was to leave her in a room for five minutes. And when we are out—great girl as she is, & heavy too, she won’t let a soul touch her but me—I ask her sometimes if she will let papa carry her when we get home, when she makes me fair promises, but I doubt whether she would hold to them were the opportunity afforded. She is my darling comfort too, I don’t know how I should exist over here without her. Some mornings I awaken and she is sucking the nipple—what do you think of that—and when I try to shame her out of it she replies “it’s Lizzie’s good titty Mama.”
You say “the bodily power’s droop if the mind is exercised with unwholesome thought.” I suppose you thought mine is a bit tainted when I took you to task about Amelia & Hattie. I guess it [p.202]was a bit of jealousy, one of the requisites of womanly love as you once told me. And again you told me “a woman thought more of a husband when he supported her.” Supported I am, jealous I have been—so you see I am advancing in the acquirements of womanly love, what is the next adjunct? Lewis is doing bravely—better than I thought he would, on account of the loneliness of the situation—I enclose an extract for you to see how staunch he is on the liquor question.60 Sr. H. drinks more than she ought to, or is good for her. Have to leave here in 9 days don’t know what I will do yet—will let you know when I have determined on something. Have written for Gersh. Wells’ address to consult him about the Oberland trip, but that only takes about three days so Bro. Moench told me. I now feel that I should like to visit Italy very much—if I could hit on some one going that way and babe keeps well enough. I see by the papers that the cholera is not as bad as it was. It would be rather awkward going entirely alone however. I am not afraid to go anywhere that other people go where the English tongue is spoken—but one feels rather nervous when they can’t talk—and there is some danger connected with it too. But then it will be all right. If I am to go the way will be opened, of this I have not the slightest doubt. I am fully convinced that I am filling a programme that has been designed for my benefit—and shall endeavor to take whatever is presented either good or ill, in the above light. That I have felt my burden at times ’tis true—but this was mainly due to the fact of my ill health, as when I am all right physically the so called trials of life, affect me but slightly. But when one is dragged down with a bodily ailment the shadows of life hang more heavily about them. But best of all I am going to get well. How is that? I firmly believe that when I have been mauled about sufficiently and become sufficiently humbled—and live as one should who has entered into the sacred covenants that I have—then I will get well. It rests with myself, and the continuance of the faith that you have heretofore exercised for me. Hope you had a glorious conference. Won’t I be glad when I can attend!! Remember me kindly to David and all true friends. How [p.203]rejoiced I was to hear that our beloved St. Snow has been able to meet in the congregations of the Saints once again. Accept sincere love from one who is devoted to you,
Address me from this time on to 42 Islington, Liverpool as they (the letters) are always safely forwarded from there, and I have told them to deduct from my account, the amt. used for postage. Excuse my poor penmanship it shows to bad advantage when I enclose from Lewis. I never was taught the art of the quill beyond the stage of “pot-hooks and hangers.”
October 15, 1887
My Dear Martha—
Yours of 21st ult. has been received, and although you may hardly credit it, I have been unable to answer it until now. I might have written a few lines, but that would not have answered my feelings. To give you an idea of how I am occupied, I received one from Lewis yesterday morning but did not get an opportunity to read it until ten hours after its receipt. So much for a crowd of matters requiring my attention. As I am now situated, my mind tranquil, and the doors are closed against everyone while I attempt to communicate to you, my loved ones, the pleasure it gave me to know that you at least were safe in Switzerland. And although I feel very bad that you are not well, I trust that God who has always been so merciful to us will hear our prayers and heal you, that you may live many years and experience much joy in the future of our little peach blossom for whom you have endured so much. I am sanguine this will be the case and will be pleased should God see fit to spare my life to witness it. I was gratified with Lewis’ description of Dover and its appearence at night. I can imagine seeing the invading forces of William the Conqueror as they approached the shores of my native land as I have often viewed with the greatest of admiration the genius that prompted him to make his mark, as he did do in the history of a people who have become so great. It appears from what he [Lewis] wrote that he was not interested in the grand opera. It is evidently true; it requires culture to appreciate the opera. It appears he had been [p.204]appointed to labor in East Switzerland where he hopes to be able to have you join him abroad. I was gratified in that he had procured his passport. I was disappointed in that you were amongst people who cannot understand your wants and necessities. I imagined that you would be able to sojurn with Lewis and felt sorry to learn of the way you were situated. When I read your objections to going to Italy as I desired you to do, I realized how very stupid it must have appeared to you for me to suggest such a trip to you. The facts are: I have heard so much of the beauties of the Italian sunset in that it far exceeds the beauty of our own fair land, while the climate is said to be the most lovely of any on the globe. I thought of these things as I learned of your failing health and the enfeebled state of our child who was not thought to be too delicate to venture home, and knowing that the admiration you have for art, and believing that much of your weakness was produced by depression, prompted in protracted restraint, I thought of the effects such a climate would have upon you. And without thinking of the awkwardness of your position, being alone with a sick child amongst a foreign people, strange language, customs and unprotected.
While I know I appear most stupid to you to have suggested such a trip situated as you are, I trust you will forgive me inasmuch as it was allowing to absent-mindedness on my part. The truth is: I have heard Italy spoken of in so familiar a way, I didn’t think how a person would appear amongst a people who spoke another language. In short, you have travelled so much and been so very successful in adapting yourself to every circumstance and making a success of life while sojurning amongst all kinds of people. I thought you could go anywhere and do anything with very little money, which is another evidence of my unreasonableness and simplicity.
We had a glorious conference [basking] in the grand influence that prevailed. As you will see by minutes in the papers, President Woodruff61 came out the last afternoon which produced a great sensation. The people, who numbered more than I ever saw attend a conference clapped their hands, so great was their [p.205]delight upon seeing him come into the stand and could not be restrained until they had satisfied their feelings. The marshal (Mr. Dyer) obtained an interview with him this morning having given his word he would not arrest him if permitted but to see and speak with him, (Brother Woodruff). As a result later in the day a deputy marshal, (Bowman Cannon), was sent to serve a supeona upon him to have him appear before the Supreme Court to testify on these church suits.62 The result is he was not to be found, and even I am on the underground and expect to be for a few days as it is not wise to put certain information in their hands pending certain actions now before the courts, hence my situation with the doors closed upon me. While I am very thankful to be permitted to enjoy a little quiet while I now commune with my loved ones. I am not the only one out of the way at the present time. Quite a number are dodging in order to give our attorneys an opportunity to test this law upon a demurrer and appeal to the Supreme Court of this most glorious country. For nothwithstanding the many abuses practiced in the name of law, and I and you have suffered along with thousands of others that we may with justice complain of, I love America and her institutions that have been prepared and brought forth of God to nourish and protect. Of course, while wicked men in neighborhoods, towns, counties, states and the nation, and yes nations endeavor to suppress us and the cause God has called us to represent, the glorious insitutions must and will survive to proclaim liberty to all and glory unto God in the highest, while oblivion and death await the tyrants of our land.
I had the pleasure of eating dinner with Colonel [James O.] Broadhead and ex-Senator [Joseph E.] McDonald and their ladies at the house of F[ranklin]. S. Richards. These gentlemen have been employed or retained to conduct our suits with the government on appeal, in the hope of having the clauses in the late laws wherin is made provision to escheat our property to the government declared unconstitutional. These men, the former being from Missouri and his age 68, while the latter is from Indiana and is 66 years of age rank as constitutional lawyers the peers of any in our land. It is said also that in chancery proceedings which are the ground on which our cases must be argued, Colonel [p.206]Broadhead stands none excelled. I should have been very proud to have had you with me to meet them and their ladies. I look upon my Martha as every way their peer.
You speak gloriously of the future, my girl, as if hope be given to us. I trust, notwithstanding all looks dark and somber, that God will yet overrule all things for his glory and our joy on this earth and our eternal happiness in the worlds that are to come. I feel to say with Job though he slay me yet I will trust in him. I know that this power is above many powers, even as the heavens are above the earth. He will triumph and God’s people will be made glorious, though the whole world combine in one effort to subdue us. Under these circumstances, I expect something to cause us to receive an additional strength else how can we meet our enemies and cope with them. The work is steadily progressing. The Manti Temple only needs furnishing to be ready for the dedication, while our temple here [in Salt Lake] is about ready for the roof.63 The towers are nearing completion and present a magnificent sight. I can feel for you in what you must have experienced in passing from the gay capitol of France to a country town in Switzerland. I wish you to be where your health can improve, and should you feel that our little flower can endure the rigors of an ocean voyage I would prefer having you cross to this side, and obtain treatment as you spoke of, that relief might be obtained and you live that you might do good and not live to pine and “die” prematurely, to save me as you are and have been doing for years.
I sent your letter to Bro Davis immediately upon its receipt. He is teaching school in Paris, [Idaho].
Your father was employed reparing the damage done by fire during conference in the rear of Angus M. Cannon’s old “music hall.” (It was only a marvel why everything about his place was not consumed.) When he reported your sister Mary visiting them and all well. I asked him to have your mother write. I want to go and see Mary if I can do so. If you conclude to remain in Switzerland for awhile and you can be made comfortable there where Lewis is then I trust you will go to him. If you [p.207]do so I wish you will talk with him and learn how he is situated for funds and what is neccesary to aid him in success in his temporal neccessities as I am anxious to have him preserved in health to do battle in the cause of the Lord.
I feel very grateful for the interest you have taken in him and the progress he has reported to have made. I saw Bro. Hull, he is fat and fine, he looks like a stuffed pudding. To see him you would not think he fretted about how she spent her means or anything else. I trust they will have more sense than cherish feeling about dollars and cents. I hope this had no power to influence their mission. If it did I am heartly sorry for them and regret their selfishness. Williams is still away and writes “I wonder when I will be permitted to meet with the people.” Kiss and embrace my little cherub for me and accept many kisses and my warmest embrace. God bless you and preserve you each from harm. Give my love to Sis. H and our little babe. I am yours, Angus
October 31, 1887
My Own Dear Martha,
I am in receipt of your favor of the 9th inst., and was delighted to know you had received what I sent you as I began to be fearful lest it had been intercepted by the way. I delivered your mother hers and found the family well. I regret you continue to suffer from your old troubles, yet I feel sanguine that you will yet obtain relief and ask my brethern to join me in praying God will heal you. Clara is suffering very much at the present from her old complaint and I, can do nothing for her personally. She has a girl I cannot trust near her all the time. I almost begin to tire of the way I and my friends are situated, and trust the day is not far distant when we will have a change.
On the opening of our conference on October 6, I looked over to where I saw you sit and thought of the patience and womanly courage so often portrayed in a life of devotion to me and my interests. I did not long permit myself to dwell upon the scene, but transferred my thoughts to a period that will be three years next February when you imperiled your liberty and offered what [p.208]might have proved a forfeiture of your life for me.64 I am happy you can join with Sister H in the celebration of her natal day. I couldn’t realize how awkwardly you are situated until you described your errors as exhibited in the case of entering the wrong railway car. As I read of the kind attentions bestowed by Hull upon his lady love on her birthday I am filled with contempt for myself, and for the many opportunities I have let slip by wherein I might have created [bright] spots in the lives of my loved ones, but did not do so. The facts are I have been occupied all my life trying to procure the greatest necessities of my family. This I resolved upon before taking upon myself the cares of a family, and hence I suppose the natural bent of my mind leads me to overlook what I should be less neglectful of was my mind freed from so common a drudgery that it has been burdened with. While it has been neglected in culture, that could not fail to refine it were I to take time and study to please as well as simply keep my family from actual want. Should it please God to open my way before me and lead me to know it is time that I left the “reclaiming of wastelands” to younger and more able hands, I might find enjoyment in the cultivation of my otherwise crude nature. I hope to live to let you and others know I am most anxious to make you temporally comfortable. I however felt comforted in the acknowledgement in the receipt of a forty dollar check as I had become anxious about it lest it had been lost. Especially was this the case as I was conscious it was endorsed without saying who it was payable to.
It is to be regreted that Elizabeth is so afflicted in cutting her teeth. I hope they will be good when she gets them, I believe they will. I regret the temptation of drink that Sister H appears to give way to, especially as it gives way to worse evils. The symptoms you describe of the afflictions of our little daughter in another way creates great anxiety for her and I earnestly pray God to relieve her that she may not continue to be so afflicted through her life. The nervousness you describe her as subject to are the symptoms of all children born under certain conditions here. My brother says he has noticed [it] in his but thinks they will outgrow it. I shall be glad if God will spare my life to aid you in caring for her. It appears she cannot forget her love for her old friend your breast. I do not blame her! I presume she comes honestly by it from [p.209]what I know of her father. I pray God that she may always be a real comfort to you. When I spoke of you travelling to relieve your depressing thoughts, I had not your remarks regarding “Amelia and Hattie” but knowing how afflicting it must be to an active mind like yours to be restrained and deprived of a greater scope for your thoughts and more room for reflection I fell to urge travel.
If jealousy had ever afflicted you, you have possessed a happy faculty of disguising it while all the support you have asked at my hands has given me evidence that you are one of the most economical little women in the world. And I only regret that you have permitted yourself to suffer lest your experiences should embarass me. I do not want you to deny yourself to the injury of your health still further, but travel as Bro. Moench suggests, and see the country and do not [balk] at expense. I hope you enjoyed the trip you talked of taking with young Brother Wells, and that he was able to accompany you. You speak of advancing in the acquirements of “womanly love.” Were you less self reliant and resolute, I think I should feel more at home in your company. As it is I would like to know that I possess some qualities that a woman of your recognized ability could discern as being that which should adorn the character of a man. If I knew that I was possessed of those qualities that you could esteem and make you happy I should be one of the most happy men living. When I think that you are worthy of one of the best men living, and how very deficient of those qualities [I am]. I would like to possess [them] for your sake. I am led to despise myself for your sake. If ever mortal man poured out his soul to God that he might be worthy of you, and make you happy, it is your humble lover.
I presume you will marvel when your read: Jos. E [Taylor] says Clara is several months well under way again. How is that for business.65 The Mutual I[mprovement] A[ssociation] of young men of this stake was held on 29 the morning and night of the 30th inst. Joshua Paul delivered a fine lecture in the morning of yesterday to a very full house on the subject “Does Science harmonize with Theology.” The speaker took the affirmative of the question and made some good points. His mother was in the con-[p.210]gregation, and as I looked upon her I felt you may justifiably be proud of your son.
I am glad that our little girl promises to allow me the privilege of carrying her when you get home and trust she will not change her mind although I feel she will see me as a stranger. It is with the greatest pleasure I read Lewis’ expression with regard to drink and I know it will recommend him to God. Jesus said it is not what goeth into a man that defilith a man but that which cometh out. It is the fruits of excessive drinking that corrupt people. Pres. Young once said that the drinking saloons of this city are a greater source of evil than the disreputable houses kept by women. I marvelled at his saying and doubted its truth until I had reflected on it for years when I concluded he was right. As in 9 cases, out of ten people who lose their balance as their blood becomes aflame with the curse of drink. I wish after visiting the “Oberland” you might be so lucky as to fall in with a party going to Italy, as you say the cholera scare having subsided. I do not think however it would be wise for you to go without there persons going with whom you are acquainted. In my anxiety to have you visit Rome and its surroundings, I overlooked the many inconveniences you would be subject to. I did not think but what you would be as much at home there as in England. More than any other thing in your letter [that] was prized by me was “I am going to get well.” God be praised that your faith is strengthened and I hope to live to witness it. That you may have true joy in life. Kiss my child and accept my warmest love, I am your Arthur.
Nov. 3, 1887
Dear Bro. Munn,
Your letter of the 15 ult. came to hand yesterday and I would not now think of replying, only that you ask about Lewis, for I realize that my letters now, feeling as I do, and realizing your position towards me, can do nothing more than displease you. Lewis is doing well, and will yet fulfill your hopes concerning him — Prest. Schoenfeld has appointed him to labor in the Office here in Bern writing etc, as he has a nice hand for copying etc. As Bro. Moench remarked, the active work for closing up [p.211]their books for the year will not commence for a month yet, so Lewis will have a whole month to devote to the close study of the German tongue which he is anxious to master. Having expressed my desire to see Italy in Bro. Schoenfeld’s presence, he said if I would go by one of Cook’s Excursions, when they furnish a guide to take you to respectable hotels, and exert a sort of watch care over you, so that you will not be imposed upon, as it is noted as a land of thieves, swindlers and beggers, and that if Lewis would also go along, as they could easily spare him for a month, then he, Bro. S. would feel that it would be all right for me to go. They estimated the cost of the trip at a hundred and fifty dollars for the two of us or seventy five apiece—I told Lewis if he would go I would furnish one hundred dollars and also loan the fifty to him as he is now just about out of money if he would go. But he does not seem to favor it—remarking he would be “as green as a gourd,” as he knows nothing of the history of the country, and that in spending the time to go there he will get behind with his German and that Angus J. Cannon66 and others who are shortly expected would get ahead of him. Still if I urged the matter I think he would go—but this I do not feel to do—as I am confident that the dragging around with Lizzie, who is getting quite heavy would make me more useless than I now am. And then I don’t want to take Lewis from his studies, which mean everything for him at this period. So, much as I would like to see that land of art, I must give it up. Moench says “the description of Italy is very nice to read about, but one experiences hardships in taking it in” and that he would not consider himself safe to travel in the country entirely alone, while Bro. Kinner gave a different report saying he believed I could get along all right if I would learn a little of the language, such as counting etc. But since he has gone, the brethren remarked that he is a finished and shrewd traveller, and speaks four or five different languages and does not think what difficulties one would meet with speaking only one. They further remarked that he was simply jesting when he suggested me going alone. Lewis is just about out of money, I offered to loan him some but he would take nothing more than a mere trifle in spending money, saying that Angus J. will be here in a few days and he expects some then. He further remarked that while [p.212]he is in the office he will have nothing in the way of expenses to meet. However it is my opinion that missionaries ought to be reasonably supplied with means to be fortified against emergencies, and so as not to suffer for the necessities of life. So, if he is modest about making known his financial condition, supply the deficit by forwarding means at your command. He does not get homesick like he did, and is going to make a thorough man of himself. He makes himself very agreeable to Lizzie who now lets him carry her some from the Office, which is a great relief to me. Today we went to see the bears in the large pit which delighted her.67 She has had some bad spells with her bladder lately—sometimes at the Office which I visit every day, for it is exceedingly dismal in this great sombre hotel all alone. She keeps me running every five minutes to hold her to “pee pee” thinking she wants to make water, when it is simply irritation. The Brethren remarked that they believed her nervousness and irritability is mainly due to the way I was hunted before she was born. This had something to do with her temperament no doubt, but it is her bladder that makes her nervous now, and the usual remedies does her no good. An examination by sound can only determine the true cause. The brethren say there are some very skillful physicians here in Bern—but I am afraid the examination will prostrate her & perhaps make her very sick. So I prefer waiting until I get home before passing her through the ordeal. It seems I have one thing after another to contend with but not more than what any other woman would have experienced had they been subjected to the same circumstances. I don’t think my lot has markedly fallen in unpleasant places—it is the natural condition of the customs of the country—and St. Birch showed her good sense in getting out of it when she did with her precious American born, who deserves better treatment than can be obtained from strangers who look upon you with vile suspicion in moderate priced Europe. I have “stuck it out” so far, with the result of wearing myself out—so that I have no ambition left—and like the “Prisoner of Chillon” I am growing indifferent to everything that once gave me keenest plea-[p.213]sure. Bro. Moench says “not one in ten thousand would take it as cheerfully as I do.” I wonder what he would say if he saw my last letter. Oh! I felt desperate then, and my skeleton is still in the closet, but my growing indifference modifies its grimmness. My poor precious baby feels the depression that is upon me, and for her dear sake I must rouse me from this lethargy—were it not for her and the religion of our God I should never want to see Salt Lake again but seek some other spot and strive to forget what a failure my life has been. I am sojourning in a grim second class Swiss hotel; my room is a small dark backroom up three flight of stairs, fires so meagre that one feels a gentle sensation of chilliness all the time. I am the only “lady” guest and I sit down in the substantial but inelegant dining room with twenty who grow merry and boisterous over their wine—and the jest goes round the board with much jolity. Of course I do not understand them—not a word of English is spoken by any in the hotel. It costs me here one dollar and seventy five cents per day. I sit nervous and grim with my little girl while we go through with the meal, in constant fear of her knocking over and spilling something in her nervous movements. My room is separated from an adjoining one by a closed door. Last night a man had a transient woman in there with him, as she did not appear at the table, and they kept up a drunken carnival or revelry all night. It was simply terrible and kept me awake all night with the noise. I was glad I did not understand their talk, which could be plainly heard in my room. This in many respects is the best I have had in Europe, except the few brilliant days in Paris and the outing in Wales—the board is good and the bed clean. Still it is a most miserable life, and I feel disgusted and tired of life, only that my precious babe needs my care, for none but a mother would put up with her hysterical temperament. Lou says she looks ten times better since coming here, and her general health is certainly better—while he says I also look well. I go to the Office every day and the brethren are very kind and friendly to me. It will be a great benefit to Lou to work there as they speak polished German. A Bro. Spori68 is also working there now, getting up a petition to present to the Swiss Authorities asking more tolerency towards our people. [He is] a very learned man—a scholar in every sense of the word, and [p.214]takes considerable interest in Lewis who just thinks, (I mean Lewis—) that his lines are falling in soft places. You say I am the peer of the ladies you dined with. You will change your opinion when you see me. I tell you we grow like our environments. You say [to] cross on [to the] other side [of the ocean]—but express no word of joy at my release. You are happy with those you love— what care you? I read portions of your letter to the brethren. They were much interested—
November 10, 1887
My Dear Martha:
I just returned from the Temple at Logan tonight where I met our friend Angus who was there having his daughter Mina sealed to him and her mother [Ann Amanda Mousley Cannon], (she having been [born] before her mother was endowed).69 He went there on the 8th, and the mother and daughter joined him the day following when they attended to what was required and all returned this evening, although she came in on a different train. I enjoyed my visit hugely, and had your and Elizabeth’s name[s] presented and also sister E[liza] R. S[now] Smith that they might be remembered in their [prayer] circle. I told my brethren that you were amongst a strange people in a foreign land, for me and mine. I have been occupied ever since I arrived with one and another matter, until it is now midnight. I shall accordingly be short tonight. I regret to say our dearly beloved Sister Snow is quite low, it makes me to despair of her surviving the winter. I carried her into the buggy about a week since and think the ride did her good, and she promised to write a few lines to you for she greatly loves you. She has not been able to write since, but with quite an effort she wrote the enclosed to My dear Martha, and I prize them more than a thousand times their weight [p.215]in gold for I know the sentiment is true and you will appreciate them. I found the enclosed on my return that had been forwarded to you from your old friend Maria [Woolley]. Your old friend Emma F[inch]. has promised to write you at an early date. How sincerely I wished you could have been with me in the temple.
I expected that the Receiver appointed by the Supreme Court of Utah (Marshal Dyer) will assume control of the church property tomorrow. I used to hear you tell what the magpie said when it had all its tail feathers blown out with an explosion. And I have to say “In the name of God what next.” It is really wonderful what a good influence prevails amongst our people amidst all the persecutions. While trials are such that many begin to weaken and turn back on one ground or another, the great majority are steadfastly adhering to the counsels of the Lord through his servants, and manifest a determination to hold fast to the “Iron Rod” come what may.
I went with Brother Cannon’s folks and showed them where I sat during the dedicatory services [of the Logan temple],70 and thought of a note I received from you, and the many emotions prompted within my mind as I communed with you on a subject that so affected my future happiness. I suggested to these sisters as we gazed upon the stately edifice from the south, that the finest view I ever obtained of it was had at the hour of sunset about five miles north. They of course could not sense the influence I was under as I received it on that never to be forgotten spot. You may talk of the grandeurs and magnificence of the palaces and places you have found, for you have travelled. Yet were I to see it all I presume I would say, (as our Brother Schonfeld now in Switzerland said of his little Brigham home), I consider the view I obtained of the Logan temple structure is dear to me and I would not exchange the recollection of it for a view of any other place on earth.
The hotel where you stayed [in Logan] is discontinued as I was informed by the gentlemen of whom I inquired in consequence of his son, upon whom the father depends to look after the family while the head is in exile, prefers farming to keeping a hotel. My object was to visit and to sit on a little stoop over the [p.216]front door where I once set with you that I might dwell upon the emotions I felt as you looked into my eyes, and I read the conflict going on with in you. I now know where you are, and as I think of the loneliness of your position and the probable separation of you and my love child. I feel to say “Oh God protect and comfort my loved ones, and send them my warmest love.” I am as ever, your own Arthur.
London, Nov. 13, ’87
Have written to-day to secure a berth in the Steamer that sails on the 19th inst., so if all goes well I will soon be in America—which I trust will be better for the health of our child than what this continent has been. Although while in Switzerland she picked up finely, aside from her bladder trouble. I met Bros. Tanner and Clark while there, Switzerland, and with them visited at Interlachen, sailed on Lakes Leman (Geneva) and Thun, and visited the Castle of Chillon and ascended the elevated railway which takes us to an elevated point which gives a most enchanting panorama of the then placid Lake Leman. The beautiful Valley of the Rhone, the far distant hazy blue Jura Mts—and nearer towering Alpine peaks. The brethren then left me to wait for Lou at Berne while they continued their journey down the Rhine and on to Paris from which point they were to telegraph me stating they had secured me a boarding place for a few days. Lou came to Berne—I saw him every day, then the telegram came and I started for Paris on the 3:20 pm train. Bro. Moench said it was a fast, but proved to be a slow train, so we travelled all night and until six o’clock the next morning. The train stopped at all the stations and there was a continual going in and out. It was cold, the cars are divided in small boxes with a door at each end—and oh! the drafts as they stopped every little while. Lizzie fretted and cried nearly all night and [was] crouped up so she could scarcely make a sound she was so hoarse. At the Swiss frontier I had to change trains, and here the inspectors inspected all luggage not registered through to Paris. I did not expect this as I had registered my trunk through. I had a small lunch basket with me and this was examined. No one spoke English but I saw by [p.217]the general movement of the people what was required. We had to go through the custom houses and across to another platform and wait half an hour for the Paris train. The night was dark and cold and damp, a fine drizzling rain falling. It was not daylight when we reached Paris a cloudy, still wet morning. The passengers stood around for a little while at different points and were soon admitted into the large apartment where the baggage is inspected. I soon found my trunk and slipping half a franc into one of the inspector’s hand, and motioning to the child that they could see was ill, my trunk was the first one examined, which they did in a few minutes. I then slipped or gave a porter another half franc and motioned for him to make haste to a cab. I showed the cabman the telegram which contained the hotel address, which he read by the flare of the lamp, and after a long cold ride we reached the hotel, and after considerable knocking roused the porter. It was not one of those establishments that is always open & lighted. Not a word of English could the Porter speak but I made him understand I wished a fire in the room I was to occupy. After a time I got little Lizzie warm, and rubbed her throat with warm oil and administered to her, and gave her some cough syrup I had in the trunk. The brethren called at about ten o’clock [the next morning] and the little girl was much better. I did not know their address and the arrangement was that they was to send the telegram to Bern, and then call each day after at the hotel to see if I had arrived. The day came out bright and clear and moderately warm, so a carriage was hired and I went out with the little girl and the brethren. We reviewed some of the places that were seen when Lou and I were there and then saw the panorama “The Storming of the Bastille.” Lizzie slept all the time, but her breathing began to get hoarse again so before our time for the carriage was up, I asked them to take me to the hotel with the baby. I told the brethren that I got along O.K. from Bern to Paris except that babe took cold. That night after the carriage ride she vomited, purged and coughed all night. How I did censure myself for taking the child out for that carriage drive when the dear little thing needed rest in a warm bed. The next day we had planned to visit—”Fountainbleau.” To see this place and the Grand Opera was my object in visiting Paris this time as I missed them the first visit with Lou. Babe was too sick to go so I told the brethren to go and I would stay and nurse her. By night she seemed much better again. I wished lime-water and had quite a [p.218]job to get it. The proprietor of hotel said they would have to send to an English chemist for it—this was while the brethren were away. After adding this to her milk she ceased to vomit.
The next day if babe was well enough we thought (Bro. Tanner and I) that we would start for London leaving Bro. Clark to see more of the sights. I wished to get away with babe—giving up the desire to see the Grand Opera or anything else—and Bro T was desirious to get to London to be measured for a suit of clothes before leaving for the U.S.
We planned to leave on the mid-day train, and I was going to go out and buy a few small souvenirs from the Gay Capitol. Morning damp again, so when Bro. T came to go with me to the shops babe was much better but I said I would not venture in the damp with her until time for our train. Then why not go on the 10 train said Bro T, bringing us earlier into London. So we hastened to do it, he to get a cab, I to do up what things I had about. The bill was to be made out—giving it to us at the last minute they had more than doubled it. In fact, having bargained with Tanner to board me for 8 frcs per day they charged or run up the bill to over 20 per day which was nearly five dollars. There was no time to [argue] with them or we would lose the train. So the sum of ten dollars nearly was paid. We reached the station in time but found there was a fast express train leaving at 11 a.m. reaching London in 8 hrs and 40 minutes. It was more expensive but would bring me in London early in [the] evening. I took it and we got along perfectly splendid, it was so different from the ride from here to Paris—we fairly whirled over the ground only two stops of but a few minutes each, betweast [sic] Paris & Calais. Little—girl while a little peevish and coughing some—otherwise stood it nicely. On the boat she vomited and I felt qualmish but as soon as we landed in Dover her stomach was all right again and she asked for bread and butter—with which I was supplied. My! it blew cold when I came up on deck with babe, where the inspectors insisted on rummaging my lunch basket again, my trunk had been registered to Victoria Station. I wrapped my coat around the little one for the sake of bundling her a little more—although she was warmly clad—and when the inspectors let me have my basket, I fairly galloped with her to the train which was but a short distance. And I assure you, I did not take a sufficient view of Dover to write a description of how it [p.219]then appeared in gaslight, but devoted my time to petting and comforting and providing for our little girl as we whirled on towards London. We reached here as the time table stated at 7.40. It seemed so good to get in an English speaking atmosphere again, it relieved the tension that is continually on one when going about in a country where you can not speak a word. I went a short distance from Victoria Station to the underground railway—and soon reached this point, which is about five miles from Victoria and is the house where I stayed a few days before leaving here with Lou. They had not received my letter written the day before leaving Paris. So I surprised them coming at night—fortunately they could accommodate us. Babe coughs all the time, but not seriously, but the heavy fogs are on and I haven’t the slightest doubt but she would keep it up if I remained in this damp atmosphere. I am so glad I am going to cross for her sake. Bro Tanner followed on the slow train & got here the next night. He had not posted the letter I wrote—the reason why these people did not get it. My going to Paris this second time was a complete failure, and I am disgusted to think of the money it cost me to go there & see nothing, as I read in one of Lou’s letters while in Berne, where you said “you was not flush with means.” Had it been better weather and the little girl kept well, I should have profited by the trip, but so it is. Life is made up of profit and loss, and loss seems to be the prevailing element in my career at present. Particularly so if I lose your good wishes, by falling in your good graces, through expressing my fears in regard to the supposed—on my part—transitory condition of your love. What say you? Should I ask forgiveness? Or will you be as charitable as Lou when I asked pardon for offending him as I thought, when he wrote me, “No you did not say anything sharp to me, and if you had, I should have thought of it as coming from one in very trying circumstances, and should have overlooked it.” He said to me when I left him, “Tell father that I am going to get along all right and that I am feeling O.K. physically and mentally, that he must not worry about me, and that a small amount of cash occasionally might come in useful. And tell mother that I am well and happy, and have it snug and cozy here in the office for a couple of months or so and that she must not worry about me a particle, that I am getting along fine, and don’t you and her get to fighting when you get over there.” To which I replied there was not much danger of the latter injunction being necessary.
[p.220]Nov. 17—Have received word from Liverpool that the boat does not sail on 19 but on 26, and that they will secure me a berth for that date of sailing so soon as I send word which cabin I will take. It is the “Alaska”71 and intermediate [class] in that [vessel] will be a luxury to me after the kind of life I have lead over here. Bros Tanner and Campbell return the same time. Bro McAllister writes me that the missionaries are only entitled to “Intermediate” passage but that they are generally put in first Cabin or Saloon Passage. Bro. Tanner has been very kind to me since I met him in Berne but I have remunerated him for his services, as I have all the missionaries who have done me any errand or assisted me in minor matters, so that I feel under obligations to none. The only ones I have made no returns to were Bros. Schoenfeld and Moench of Berne whom I simply thanked for securing me lodgings at the “Emmenthalerhof Hotel,” which Moench, when I came away, acknowledged was developing into a sort of low dive, notwithstanding it was the place where Bro. Teasdale and others had put up at. Bro. Schoenfeld however was very kind and feeling to both Lizzie and I, and I appreciated the kindness of both gentlemen.
Lizzie still coughs, the dense fogs have set in. Yesterday I started out with her—it appearing a bit bright in the morning. I rode on the bus several miles to Regent Circus, and from that Point was to change buses to the Strand, where I was going to call on Phil. Robinson at the Court Review Office. The fog by this time was so dense that you could scarcely see your hand before you, and it was like breathing thick smoke, all vehicles had lights on them—the street lamps looked like miserable yellowflickers. Cabs and omnibuses had to move with the greatest caution, and pedestrians jostled against one another on the sidewalk, while you had to take your turn in having the policeman assist you across the street. When I reached the point where we changed, I was escorted across the street by one of the London Stalwarts, and concluded to go no further, as Lizzie was breathing hoarse again, and I felt anything but agreeable about the lungs. “It’s [p.221]dark, Mama dark” said Lizzie “lets go home.” While waiting here for the returning bus to Lancaster Rd., where I now stay I stepped into a shop lighted with electricity and here purchased the little present that Bro. Tanner will give you. Head-long riots, instigated by the socialistic movement are rampant here now—of which long ere this reaches you, will be seen in the western papers dispatches. When I went to church on Sunday regular droves of lower class London intersected by bodies of Policemen, were wending their way to Trafalgar Square—a favorite resort of the Socialistic Orators—and later in the day proved the scene of a most desperate riot, of which you have heard.72 I tell you as I walked the streets after leaving the bus to my boarding place in the black dense fog, it seemed to me that the influences from the infernal regions had been belched up to envelop the wicked City, where ninety thousand prostitutes known to the police walk its streets, to say nothing of the private, and cloacked corruption in which the great city reeks. I tell you when I think of our superior altitude as Latter Day Saints, towering high above the lower strata of filthy Babylon, I am hardily ashamed of myself to think I have allowed a murmur to escape my lips at any of the conditions we may be subjected to as mothers and daughters in Israel, taking a stand to establish God’s law by working in unison with our husbands though “opposed by a proud boasting nation” and that great whore Babylon that prevales over a goodly portion of this fair earth. I had made up my mind this way, that I would not do a great deal of major whinings, but my trials—imaginary and real combined—crowded upon me and I gave way in a measure physically and mentally debilitated. I felt much like poor sister Mary expressed it when she last wrote that “all the ‘gumption’ was taken out of her” though what the real meaning of gumption is I can’t say unless it means “vim”. But as storms clear the atmosphere in nature, so does the evacuation of pent up wrath or imaginary woe relieve and make lighter the heart of poor human. How it affects the one to whom it is sent I can hardly say, only that I believe you men are hardened to such things—and it don’t hurt much. Now let us kiss and be friends, or do you wish me to do greater penance? If so tell me for I am willing to do anything to make amends for the naughty [p.222]things I have said. But I tell you I felt it all and meant it then.—I think I was sounding the lower depths then, but [I] believe I have survived a bit since. But enough of this, will you forgive me dear? Now I will try and be good for a long time to come, for I mortally dislike to ask forgiveness—but it is the only resort when one “flies off the handle.”
When I left Berne I asked Bro. Moench to please forward my mail to the London Office address, as some would probably come before I got word to Bro. McAllister to stop it to Bern. Lou spoke up and said “I will attend to that as I am here and also have the London office address written down.” The last letter I received from you was sent to Berne which I answered before leaving there. It bore date Oct. 15 and was the one in which you spoke of Messers Broadhead & McDonald being retained to argue the church cases, and how you had dined with them and was then an “undergrounder” for a few days—etc. The London Office address is—
No 11 Chichester Place
Paddington London W
I had written to a lady in the East of U.S. [Barbara Replogle] and where I expected to put up at when I crossed providing I could arrange with her. Did not tell her outright I was coming but was simply feeling my way and expected an answer by this time & wondered why it did not come.
To-day Prest. Ballard of London office received a postal card from Lou saying he had “sent several letters and papers that had reached Berne for me, but in addressing them he had forgotten to put “11 Chichester Place” on them and for he Ballard to enquire of the Post-Man for them, Ballard did so, but the P Man said he knew nothing of them, having no number on them they would probably go to the dead letter office—where I hear they will be opened, read, and forwarded to the parties who sent them. So if any from you are among them you will probably get them again. I trust no bother will come out of it. I shall write to Lou and inquire if he noticed what letters they were. Bro. Ballard says it was a very careless trick of Lou, that he was long enough in London to know that every address contained a number. He had the correct address written down—it does not matter only it is annoying—
[p.223]I will leave for Liverpool in a day or two, or else will have to send there for more means, as I loaned Bro. Tanner some, expecting to leave here sooner, thinking the boat sailed the 19th. At Liverpool I have one hundred and thirty dollars, which will pay my passage and some to go on when I reach New York. Bro. McAllister says I can go “intermediate” for thirty five dollars. Bro. T. owes me fifteen dollars so I will have, one hundred about when I arrive in New York. I will soon be saying “The Gallant ship is under way,” and thank the God of Heaven for my release. I should go mad if I continued this life much longer, cooped in doors with a little fretful baby, only a miserable block back-yard to look into—it is very different with men. Tanner and Clark are here in London and are going every where—theatres, museums, art galleries & everywhere—While I can’t take babe out on account of fog nor can I leave her. She goes into hysterics if I simply leave the room. While I have been writing this she has had my button box, spilt its contents all over the floor, pulled the thread all off the spool, pulled my writing material all over, and spilt the ink and is now fairly raving for more entertainment—the most nervous fractious child you ever saw in all your life. When you write again address it in care of Bro Hart in New York.73 You will get his address where you are I do not know it. How I long for a decent way of living again I trust I have been tested and tried enough on this score for the present—and that the Lord is willing for me to have a little sense of rest now for awhile. But I verily believe there is heartrending times ahead for our people—let this crusade continue, and the scores of young women who are waiting for the 3 yrs to expire begin to have 1-2-& 3 children, dragging about with babies—I tell you its no go! Mexico or somewhere else—this can’t go on—
Your penitent Maria—
Tell dear mother I am feeling better than when I last wrote and will write her in a few days. I fear I almost broke her heart by writing some of my feelings last time, but I could not help it my heart too was full. I know she has always looked upon me as one whose sensibilities were of such a callous nature that I could stand or endure anything, but I have feelings, quite similar [p.224]to others and am as quick to sense the pangs of sorrow and despair, or the pleasures of hope as they. In fact I fear I am too sensitive, too susceptible to influences—and feel too keenly. This very element in my composition—when discovered by me long ago—made me strive to hide from the rude gaze of the world my emotional nature. And how my feelings were, disturbed, or made supremely happy by the looks, words or actions of those with whom I came in contact—how one in talking to me for twenty minutes would completely wear me out. I would feel tired—while another’s conversation would bring with it a sense of rest however physically weary I might have been at the time. In this thing of cloaking my real feelings or disposition I will acknowledge I have been a success—and the only success in my career. For people have said “I had a strong nerve—” when in reality I was nervous. “That I had no feeling” when my pent up feeling like a canker worm was gnawing me internally. “That the storms of life affected me none” and that the “softer emotions of the human heart were unknown to me.” Thus have I been diagnosed by so-called “knowing ones” but ’tis idle talk to you who know me so well!
November 16, 1887
My Own Dear Martha,
I received yours of the 22 ult. on the 12th inst., but only now have I attempted to write you my true feelings in answer to what you cared enough to communicate to me.74 If there is one thing that I admire, and praise more than another it is to have my friends address themselves to me with candor and no deceit. Under the circumstances, had you said you were “pleased and pained”; pleased to have heard of my accident and pained that I was not killed outright, instead of saying “pleased and thankful that you were preserved, and pained to know that you were the subject of said accident”, I should have better understood you when I read what you said further on in your letters regarding the deception I have practiced upon you, i.e., pretending to love you while my heart was estranged and my feelings flowed in other directions. Although you credit me with a practical love, I [p.225]would be more happy looking upon you from behind the veil while you laughed at the circumstances of my death, let it be ever so untimely, if it would make you free and happy to choose that which your heart would tell you was worthy of you. That you would have no longer any occasion to say (to the groveling within that bent his energies to deceive you with professions of true love) “No, true love belongs to the infinite and cannot be measured by human mechanism”.
No I do not blame you, you once thought you loved me and you love me yet in a practical way. But what a death it (this practical love) is to a woman’s heart. I then would know you were at least, happy and I could rejoice that I were no longer the means of making you unhappy. I do not say that death would be sweet to me, because I do not love you nor because the world and its enjoyments are as a “sucked orange” that having enjoyed myself and the associations I formed in earlier life, I do not now or never can enjoy myself equally again upon the earth. But because it is impossible from what you say for me in my maudlin way to convince you, that although I do say it in all truthfulness before my God, though you have gone through trials you believe to be cruel with fire and brimstone, you have not done so without my warmest love. You may doubt it with your whole soul, but you are loved by the man you have gone through everything for and sacrificed everything on earth for. You have been loved as much as woman has been, are and yet will be loved, as only a true heart is capable of loving you. I have been most happy in the consciousness I possessed, that God had given me a woman whom he had created for me that I could truly love, and who I believed loved me truly in return. But when I am told that I have not filled her expectations, and that she has hesitated to express her true feelings from the first week of her marriage, and that from that early date she had doubts of the true congeniality of her union, and has borne the burden of the thought ever since. Thereby heavens, I tell you it is a hard matter to fight to stand true to the convenants you have made with your God.
I have related to you and others, my earliest love that I would not make known to [the] one I have since continued to adore. It was said I erred, that I did not make it known through speech, while I hesitated from the fervor of my love to commit her to say that which would tie her to one so humble and unworthy, [p.226]lest she should not be happy. Under an impression of this kind, I permitted her to be where I have every evidence of her unhappy state which is not in my power to remedy. On the other hand I found myself impelled towards yourself, a woman I as dearly loved, if I ever loved mortal woman, and being then convinced it was in accordance with His holy will, I declared my convictions to you and won you believing as I did that you reciprocated it and would be happy in such a union.
Do I now blame you? No! I honor and would proclaim the regard I feel and the love I now cherish for you unto the whole world if it would improve your condition. No one is more conscious of the great sacrifice you have made for me than I am, and no one is as conscious of the state of unworthiness of the one for whom you have endured so much as is your humble servant, compared with those so gifted. Not that he has not, does not, and always will, love you equal with anyone on the earth, but because he had given you evidences that you cannot love and be happy with him. I fondly hoped you would have or could be happy with me, as I have hoped and worked to be worthy of His love and confidence who approved and sanctified our union. In your own language “I do not blame you, no! true love belongs to the Infinite and cannot be measured by human mechanism.”
I had my son, at your own request tell you how poorly my families lived in the meagerness of my supplies, and had I known it would have been the means of curtailing you in providing what was essential to make you as near comfortable as it was, and is my power to furnish you means to make you. You should have never known by my agency. Having property, it is of no use to me or mine if any one of them is to suffer and even die prematurely from hardships endured through want. I was innocent of the cause of your extreme economy and now displace it from my soul. I cannot describe the feelings of my heart since I received your letter and no one will, but yourself, (through what I now have written), but my God unto whom I look to give you that comfort it has proven to be out of my powers to give. I have looked forward to the near approach of our meeting with such fond longing and loving desire. I cannot now tell, neither have I any wish to, but pray God to give me strength to perform that which now appears to be my part and make you happy, as it may prove to be in my power to make you in this life. And when it [p.227]shall please Him to take me home, that you may enjoy infinite happiness which I know proceeds from an eternal source.
My dear Martha, if in the above I have penned out word or thought that has wounded or hurt you in the least, forgive me, and be assured I have not done it intentionally. I have simply endeavored to be candid with you in return for your goodness to me. I know what you must have endured … in trying to exhibit confidence in my (what seemed to you) hollow professions. God help you, my dear girl, and heal you in all your parts, to live and experience later in life what your young and hopeful life led you to anticipate at an earlier day.
I have with the most jealous care preserved every letter and scrap you have sent me, and am pained to part with the last so precious are the words in the same since you have told me they are the most truthful. I prize them because they reveal the secret of the sadness that has oppressed you and they have given me strength to form a new resolve i.e., to work for those I love and minister to their temporal wants. And when my time shall come to leave all that I have so doted on in this life, I shall be happy in the thought that one at least is free (and perhaps more for who knows that others are like tired and have not the moral courage to make it known as you have done). I have carried the one you now request me to burn as a death warrant in my pocket up to the present time and now comply with your most earnest desire in destroying it. And with your approval, I trust I may have power to never allude to its contents again.
I saw your brother “Josh” night before last who said “all are well”. He had received the second volume you were so anxious about. I went to enquire how the Dr. was today, and am sorry to say his face is very much swollen from the skin disease which confines him to the house. He enquired how you were and I replied “better than you might expect from what she has gone through”. I said “she visited in the great Paris cemetery that beautiful piece of scuplture the tomb of those devoted yet unfortunate lovers, Abelard and Heloise,” and desired me to tell you. He appeard delighted to hear from you and I was glad to contribute to his happiness.
The affliction of our little daughter amidst all the other troubles is really distressing, and I regret to say I can only pray God to give you each strength according to the very many trials [p.228]and hardships you are subject to. I have understood the difficulties you are subject unto more readily since you have told me how difficult you find it to make your wants known than I did before, and I continually pray “God protect and comfort them”.
I am very grateful to the bretheren for their kindness to you. You speak of Brother M[oench] tiring of hotel life. I presume I make expressions equally hard to be understoood regarding my position of having so many comforts. And I would say I never have anything good and nice that I do not wish you were near me to enjoy it. The self-denial of loved ones absent is what tires me. Poor Abbie has buried her youngest child.75 I visited her in her afflictions.
The [federal] Receiver has rented to us [the Mormon church] the T[ithing] office and the Historian’s Office for $200 per month. He has taken possession of the Gardo House and expects to take all he can get.
Let me know what I can do to be of good to you and and you will always find me your true and loving, A. Munn. Kiss my child for her father.
P. S. My voice is so far gone I have been unable to be heard above a whisper for several weeks. As ever your loving but sad A.M.
November 23, 1887
My Own dear Martha:
Your favor of 3rd inst. was received on 20th, as I was on my way to meeting and I gave your mother hers through your father. Having to leave for my ranch the next day and only returning last night I have been unable to answer it until now. This morning I had occasion to send to your mother’s when she informed my son John [M. Cannon] she desired to see me. I accordingly went and found her filled with grief and suffering through [p.229]anxiety for her daughter’s welfare. She did not tell me what you had said in your letter but asked me what the matter was.
When I saw her troubled look I could not, but told her I was to blame for it all. She enquired in what way? I hesitated on how to answer. When she became still more anxious I said “in the last letter I received I discovered her troubles had resulted in so weakening her body that nature had to give way and she could not but feel dissatisfied with our condition. And she concluded after hiding her true feelings ever since our union that my love for her was not genuine but pretend. (I presume certainly unworthy of one who has so lovingly endured so much for me and mine.) It appears I am unfortunate in my life in that all those who have placed their all in my keeping have at one period or another told me the same thing, which must be attributed to my frail nature unable to impress those I most love of my undenying devotion. In conclusion she requested if I loved her to burn the letter which I did as soon as answered, although up to that time I had preserved every letter and even scraps so precious were all the words and sentiments to me. “If I have not loved your daughter with a pure and holy love, then I have not loved a mortal woman.”
I was in hopes that I, only, knew of your unhappy state and that God would put the means within your reach of yet giving you evidence that I was not unworthy of my Martha. As it was I asked them not to condemn me as being unworthy of their confidence, for although unconscious of what I had done to impress you with the feeling that I did not love you as God desired a man to love his wife, I hope to give you evidence that it is the power of the common enemy that has tempted you to believe me unworthy of you. I do not condem or blame you in the least for not believing me. I know you cannot know my heart nor the feelings I have cherished. I am comforted in the thought that our secret thoughts will be made known and my Martha will know what my true feelings have been, and ever will be towards her and our little darling in exile. I have earnestly sought God our father to so guide the events of his providence as to make you as happy as it is possible for you to be made, in my life or death.
I read to your mother your letter to me and having seen Lottie and ministered to little Maude76 who will now be well, I [p.230]received the enclosed from her hand and promised to send it to you. I meet Bro. Hull but am only acknowledged with a slight movement of the hand77…
[S]ince I received yours that I burned, my thoughts go out to the blighted flower that has withered and is dying at my touch. I am as all who know me, a devoted lover of flowers and with selfishness I have plucked them and feasted upon their loveliness while every touch I bestowed upon them in my enraptured administration only made them to know I was thoughtless and cruel in the pleasure I felt in their possession. When I saw my Martha blooming and lovely, the admired of all, yes above all, the many flowers that grew near her, I gazed upon her and felt she was grown for me. And I asked that I might possess myself of her and knew from the intensity of my desire that she would make me truly happy in the admiring love that prompted me to ask the possession of you. I did not think you would be less cheerful in my company, or less happy in the thought that being plucked and possessed you could not realize happiness, that I was more indifferent to your worth than anyone (yes, than the most devoted of all your admirers) has been or ever would be. My thoughts were only to transplant you that I might watch over and nourish you forever. It was not only with selfishness in my heart that I prepared to feast and dwell midst your charms, regardless of your health, life and continued love, as I have done in plucking many a lovely flower because of its temporal loveliness, but because I saw a flower that with the love I possessed for her, and the care I desire to bestow upon her I thought God would make the same to me immortal. Hence I prayed as sincerely as any mortal ever prayed “if it is not the will of God, turn her heart against me and make me to know it is not Thy will we should be one.” In answer to my prayers, the all absorbing thought that filled my soul was “God has created her for me.” Had it been otherwise I should not have prevailed.
As it is, I have witnessed a devotion unto God, his servants, and principles in the self denial and endurance exercised by you in what you have passed through for me and mine. I cannot forget while time lasts, at least. No wonder the cruel one should try to separate us for in our unions the enemy sees an [p.231]illustration of that devoted love which gives him cause to fear the power wielded through integrity. You may say I am unloving, selfish, weak, old, without talent and in every way unworthy of you and I will continue to love and praise you for what you are and have been to me, and that I shall continue to pray unto God that you may be preserved and continue to be [given] to me eternally.
In the symptoms of our daughter I fear she is afflicted with gravel as Lewis was when as a child which [once] before I told you and [as] I explained God healed him. I have such implicit confidence in your own good judgement I dare advise nothing by way of treatment. I spoke with you about crossing to this side with apparent indifference. You may say while I can only hope what ever you may feel to do shall give you and our child relief. I am asked to say: what is to be our immediate future and cannot answer, and no wonder, since I was hopeful of your increasing happiness and have been made a witness of what a trying ordeal you have passed through. And in my wonder, I am stupid when I see the many disappointments you have been subjected to. I answer no! I can only pray and hope.
It will be one year tomorrow since AMC [Angus M. Cannon] was arrested. Sister ERSS [Eliza R. Snow Smith] is very poorly. Give my love to Lewis and say I will send him some money. Remember me kindly to my brethren and kiss my babe for me. I am, although most sad, with kindest thoughts and forever yours, A. Munn.
41 Norton Street
Liverpool, Nov. 27 ’87
Your welcome letter of the 31 ult. came to hand two or three days since, the last letter from you preceding it, bore date Oct. 15. One that I learned reached Liverpool for me and was forwarded to Berne, and would have born date between the 15 & 31st of Oct. has been lost, through being addressed wrongly from Berne & it was in answer to the letter I sent containing a collar for St. Snow I presume. Or did you get that letter all right? If [p.232]you remember saying anything in particular in that letter that is lost you will have to repeat it. I have made inquiries at the dead letter offices at London and here in Liverpool but get no trace of it, and have lately heard that in all probability it will be returned to Salt Lake City if it had that heading to it. So, if you put Salt Lake at top you had better enquire for a letter addressed to whatever you sign your name. Lewis said the letters or mail he addressed wrongly, was a letter from you from Liverpool, a postal card from Bro Moench & a paper—and is sorry he made the mistake—but I don’t feel bad about it. I dislike to lose any of your missives however, if I do get the [feeling] at times that you “don’t love me,” you must recollect you are my only correspondent, excepting dear mother. You say you gave her the letter accompanying yours of the 9 of Oct. Was it addressed to mother? It was written for Clara, I am sorry to hear that she, Clara, is afflicted as you say—and sincerely wish that circumstances were so ordered that you could be more of a comfort to her in her distress. I know too well what that blamed disease is and can heartily sympathize with her, and I don’t think I have been pulled down with it nearly so much as she, although I painfully realize it is making me extremely nervous, coupled with the miserable life I am leading, so nervous am I growing that I frequently make a veritable ass of myself—and if as you say “less exhibition of self reliance and resoluteness on my part will make you feel more at home in my company,” you will feel quite comfortable in my presence when I return. Particularly so if weak mindedness approaching imbecility are qualities that will ingratiate a woman to your favor.
One instance as an example here in Liverpool, I sleep at 41 Morton Street, around the corner from 42 Islington, and take my meals at the latter place, 42. I arrived a week before the Alaska was to sail, getting out of the London fogs as soon as I could with babe who coughs most miserably—contracting a cold the night I left Bern three weeks ago. She has coughed ever since and it has been bad since I have been here in Liverpool. The child can’t endure railway travel such as they have here in Europe in winter, it is too draughty, altogether different from our American improved methods. At table babe acted most outrageous, disgusting everybody with her tantrums, eating nothing herself, nor letting me have any peace pulling, hauling and screaming at me, then if I whip her she goes off into hysterics nor can I leave her [p.233]with any one while I get a meal. Prest. Teasdale looked so funny, as his little girl is healthy and amiable. The child is not well, and never has been in England, while in Switzerland or a portion of the time there, is the only comfortable time I have experienced with the fractious little mite, who is all temper with no physique to support it. Then I have humored her to death until all conclude she is a thoroughly ruined child. Two nights before the Alaska sailed she fell asleep before I went to supper, she seemed pale and exhausted—that night she coughed bitterly, a high fever came on and she was delirious all night, I was up all night administering remedies as I thought would do her good—in the morning she fell into a troubled sleep, and I went to breakfast. They asked me where the little one was, when I remarked she was restless in the night, and had not yet wakened—I disliked to say she was ill, as I had explained that so often that they look upon me as a “monomaniac” in regard to the child, (which there is some truth in the surmise, I acknowledge) and regarded her bad behavior more the result of bad training than ill health. The little sufferer lay ill that morning and could not raise her head from the pillow, and her throat was so sore she swallowed her milk with difficulty, the only nourishment she took. She lay helpless, and I went to 42 at dinner time to ask the brethren to come and administer to her. They were seated at the table [and] they asked again where the little one was, when I burst out into a violent paroxysm of crying which I think rather astonished them. When I could control myself sufficiently, in the midst of great disgusting sobs I said I wished her administered to as she was sick. How disgusted I was with myself—so were they as one by one they left the table without saying anything. My dinner was put before me but I was too hysterical to eat—I came back to babe. In a few minutes Prest. and Sr. T[easdale], Bros. Campbell, Tanner and McAllister came over, climbing to the top of the house to the room I occupy. Bro. Campbell administered the Oil while Bro Teasdale confirmed the anointing, giving the little treasure a good blessing, saying she should be healed, and that she and her mother should have a prosperous voyage across the ocean. She seemed greatly soothed after, in a little while Bro. Roberts78 [p.234]came over and asked if there was anything at all that he could do for me; that he and the brethren would do anything in their power for me—for which I kindly thanked him. That night I sponged her off and rubbed her with brandy, and in the middle of the night, when her fever seemed to be rising high again, I gave her a dose of Quinine, soon after that she vomited profusely and an immense amount of phlegm (mucous) came up—after that the fever went down, she breathed easier and went off into a nice comfortable sleep and slept till morning. I took breakfast here in the house where I sleep so as not to expose babe too early. This was the day the Alaska was to sail, my berth was engaged and Bro. McAllister came in with the label for my trunk, it was a cold raw day for a well child to venture out. In the night I felt impressed not to go, as to expose a sick child to a fresh cold night prove a serious matter. Sea air is good for chronic, but not for acute symptoms such as she presented. I told Bro. McAllister I had decided not to go, and asked if I would lose my cabin pass fare and was relieved to learn that I would not.
At noon babe was much better and I went into 42 with her, to dinner—the Alaska was to sail at 8 p.m. They were all, I believe, disgusted with my decision though they did not express it in decided terms. Babe’s tongue was heavily furred from her fever, and I realized what effect a rolling sea would have upon a stomach in that condition to start out with. Bro. Tanner said that he & Bro Campbell would take good care of me [during the voyage]. I know that they are both good friends to me—Bro. Campbell said he believed the trip would put babe all right, Bro Teasdale said babe was all right—while Sr. Teasdale remarked “Well if you don’t go, I hope you won’t regret it, you have had the promise of the servants of the Lord that you and your babe would be all right on the ocean, & you have two good brethren to look after you—you will never have a better chance to cross.” She then abruptly asked what I intended to do if I did not cross. I think Bro. Teasdale also was a bit annoyed with me, but he is such a gentleman he knows well how to conduct himself under all circumstances I should judge, and does not offend. I must make some arrangements about my board if I stay longer, as I do not wish to be considered a “sponger” at the table at 42, although it is a great luxury to me to dine there—it is the best food I have had in Europe. Still food however good would not be good to me if I [p.235]thought there was a scintilla of a question as to my right to it. The brethren went, the good-byes were said, I felt a bit of loneliness when they were gone as I knew they were true friends to me—but for some reason I do not regret staying—
Tuesday Nov 29—87
Your letter of the 10 inst with the letter from Maria Woolley and the precious note from Sr. Snow have arrived—Oh! how I prize her precious words, and you have been reading her my letters to you, it seems. Oh how ashamed I feel for I know I have said many many foolish things that would seem so childish to her matured superior mind. We women feel that we can take advantage with our indulgent husbands and say almost anything to them and they in their goodness will overlook it, but darling I am sorry I wrote to you the way I did in Berne and shall not feel easy until I hear from you that I am forgiven, for I know I was laboring under an evil influence when I said you did not love me.” Similar impressions have frequently taken possession of me since our marriage. I know of a surety now that they were wrong—and shall fight against them in the future I dearly love my noble husband and I know that the affection is not lost—am I forgiven? I was tired and felt mean. Old Nick could not weaken my faith in our glorious Gospel so he tried me on another point and I presume smiled at his success.
So you interested the “ladies” with your rehearsal of the fine view you obtained of the Logan Temple at sunset—while your mind probably dwelt on your “first kiss” with someone, at least so you would have me think. Ah me! what gulls we women are. Some one is gulled in your rehearsal and re-rehearsal of that scene. I long more than ever to get home now I hear our beloved sister is failing—yet how unworthy I feel of her noble presence. I prize beyond words her word to me, but should be pained to know it caused her much effort to pen them. Give her my kindest love, but do not read the trash I write.
Your penitent little Maria
[p.236]Are you ever going to tell me how many babies Big Maria has—I promise I won’t be jealous.79
I was much better of my cold yesterday, but found myself unable to speak loud today. In my last I did not allude to what you said about Lewis going with you to Italy, neither did I refer to the unpleasant surroundings you find yourself subject to in the hotel where there are no women except the one you refer to as hearing, although you said you did not see her. I should have been delighted to have had Lewis accompany you to Italy, and would cheerfully have met the expenses had he felt inclined to go. I however believe that a person should be somewhat acquainted with a country’s history to enjoy its scenery and interview its people with profit. As he says, his great grandfather John Quayle was a great reader, while his great grandfather Capt. George Cannon was a great traveler, the latter said “John Quayle can tell me much more of the country’s I have visited than I know of them after frequent visits.
Lewis could not profit from a visit to Italy as you could with the knowledge of people and countries that you are acquainted with, yet I think it would add to his culture and general information especially with the advantages of your ability to call things to his attention. I do not know of anyone I would prefer to accompany him than your self (except it would be “your humble servant”). And he would not want to go unless you were his companion. I feel such a desire to visit and accompany you on some of your journeys and sojurnings I cannot describe it. I feel you would get to know me better. I feel I could pull out that skeleton from your closet and make you to know I am not the cold calculating being you think me to be. I long to open my heart to you and make you familiar with its impulses. The suggestion of Lewis that he “would get behind in the study of his German” and give Angus J., who [p.237]has just gone out, the start on him is the most potent of his objections to going now. But even that is not enough to have me consent for him to continue to object providing Pres. Schoenfeld approved of him going. As for getting his German, I have every confidence he will be able to keep up, that Angus will not be able to leave him behind. Your offer to him was most generous about bearing two thirds of the expenses. I, however, am willing to meet it all if he consents to go.
Regarding the place you are staying in, is it impossible to find a more suitable boarding place than where you describe yourself as staying? I cannot help but think that the brethren could find you a more comfortable place near them were they to try. I am just in receipt of a letter from Bro. Schoenfeld of the 14th inst. relating to his own affairs but not one word of you. I shall answer it as soon as I can give the subjects of which he writes my attention.
Sister Eliza RSS [R. Snow Smith] continues quite poorly. The evening of the day I wrote you last the US marshall took possession of the President’s office and has [quartered] his deputies there ever since. In consequence of this AMC [Angus M. Cannon] and others are located at the Historian’s office. I am told that the “Gardo” has been rented by John R. Winder as counsellor of the Presiding B[isho]p80 at the monthly rent of $75. This together with the $200 in rents that they now get from T[ithing] O[ffice] and the Historian’s office makes them the neat little sum of $275 per month that they are now receiving. Parley L. Williams who is now attorney for his honor Marshall Dyer is in the heighth of his glory just now. I have written to our friend Williams,81 at NY, 57 Broadway to enquire what would be the charge to procure suitable quarters for you and our precious charge, that you might get the most efficient medical service in the country. I believe that our babe is afflicted with gravel as was Lewis when a babe of five months. At the same time I am most anxious to have any and everything done that can be to relieve you of the distressing aspects of your experience. When I think what you have gone [p.238]through for me and mine and how little I have been able to do in return for what you have been asked, I do not wonder that nature should at last give and reveal not only the “skeleton” hanging in the closet but show forth feelings that cannot be controlled under such circumstances, let your desire be ever so good. I have not seen father and mother since I last wrote you, but when I think how unhappy they are on your account and realize I am the cause I do not know what to do to prevent it.
I saw Bro. Hull today, and while he would have passed me in great haste I stopped him and asked him not to hurry so as I wished to enquire after his folks, when he answered “they are all right.” He looks splendid.
Martha with all the earnestness and the strength you have exhibited, in telling me, I do not love you, I today realize you are not to blame for cherishing these feelings knowing you have been buffeted and hounded until you are tired and tempted to doubt the worthiness of him you have endured so much for. I ask myself, who am I or what am, I that others are who should give me children and influence on this earth. If you can forgive me my girl for the sufferings I have occasioned you, I will try and prove unto you that I am not unworthy of our love. Kiss my loved babe and accept my best love, I am now and forever yours, AM.
41 Norton St
Dec. 2 ’87
Oh Papa, Papa [Angus] — !!
Your letter of the 16 ult. just to hand, and I feel like crying myself sick to think what a wicked girl I have been to hurt your feelings as I have: I did not know what mean things I had written until I read your quotations from my letter. I was half beside myself when I wrote, sobbing & hysterical, and did not know half what I said—but this is a paltry excuse for so grave an error. The only thing I can do now is to humbly ask forgiveness, and pray to our Heavenly Father that my petition will be granted, while with you dearest I do not expect the wound to be entirely healed until I see you, when I feel sanguine that I can prove to [p.239]you how sincerely I repent of my evil words. Many times since our marriage the same spirit has endeavored to make me believe that your affection was not all I could wish, but I have succeeded in banishing such suggestions without giving expression to them until this time, when I was tried—Oh! so sorely—and had also been told gossip about you, that did not help my condition. I will tell you when I see you—this is no time for silly misunderstandings—but we must work oh so dilligently and be valiant in the great cause of our God that Satan is mustering his forces to overthrow. My own Loved One can you forgive and ever have confidence in me again. Write as soon as you get this and say you forgive me I am frantic with grief when I think how I have wronged you—I must be brief as
The gallant ship is under weigh
To bear us off to sea
And yonder floats the gay streamer
That says she waits for me
The seamen dip the ready oar
As rippling waves oft tell
They bear us quickly from the shore
Old England now farewell!
We put sail at ten in the morning—Lizzie is not well but better than she was last week. It is our luck again to “go it alone” not a soul that we know will be crossing. Will write again from Queenstown. Tell dear mother I am feeling better and will soon see her. I wrote her a blue letter as also one to Mary Woolley. I wonder if I will ever be able to repair the mischief I have done. If I can only make you to know how sincerely I repent I shall be satisfied. I am glad you burned that letter for of all I have penned it was the most false! except perhaps the one that followed it which I believe was some thing in the same strain, the whole prompted by Old Nick himself. You must burn all my letters, they are only fit food for the flame and I feel sick when I think you have showed some of them to St. Snow. I don’t know where I shall go, or what [to] do when I reach N.Y. so cannot tell you. But to get out of this muggy damp atmosphere with our child is the main object of the move—from a human standpoint. Positively I don’t think she would live through the winter here. She is getting into her old miserable England condition again. She was the best in Switzerland, [p.240]better than she has ever been over here—that is the last few weeks I was there. The letter you sent in answer to a long one I wrote at 72 Allschwilerstrasse Basel, has never reached me, the Postal card from Bro. Moench and Des. News which were in like manner incorrectly addressed from Berne, have reached me but I get no clue to the letter. Bro. Teasdale thinks it has been stolen, though what the motive of the Post hands I cannot imagine.
I have some packing to do so good bye for the present. You will forgive me won’t you darling? And think of me just as before? I said to Lizzie “isn’t papa a naughty papa to make mama feel bad with the letter” when she began to cry and said “no! no! not a naughty papa—Lizzie’s papa good papa”. She had never heard me call you naughty before. A few minutes after she was pretending to say her prayers by her little stool when she kept repeating over & over, “God bless Lizzie’s good papa.” She is such a comfort, [she] has a quick bright mind, but a poor little body which I trust will better develop as she grows later with devoted love. Do you believe me when I tell you I never could love again as I love you? Do not say anything to Bro Tanner about Moench referring to him. Tanner enjoyed himself all right in Paris—he had no sick baby. Address me next in New York— Kisses from baby and I—
I am alarmed about the condition of your voice, you are over doing yourself speaking & working and suffering from nervous exhaustion, or else taken cold, and laboring under bronchial trouble. Oh dear one take care of yourself—and while I speak how conscious stricken I am when I feel how heartless I have been in oppressing you—How happy I shall be, the happiest woman in the world, if I am permitted to meet you and hear from your own lips I am forgiven.
Yours in sorrow for the wrong I have done
[p.241]Queenstown Dec 3 ’87
We boarded the “Arizona”82 at 10 a.m. yesterday morning—one of the brethren accompanying us to the boat. We had paid as we thought for the best accomodations on the boat, thinking it necessary as we were going alone and anticipated sickness. When we came to look up our room as numbered on the ticket it was a miserable place. This is one of the large boats of the Guion Line, and after traversing a series of very narrow passages, a long distance from the Saloon, we found the no., one of the smallest staterooms I ever looked into, two narrow cramped berths in it one above the other and scarcely room to turn around in the apartment—which where the boat stood, shaded with fixtures around the dock, was dark and dismal. Lizzie began to kick and yell as soon as I looked into it, and said “Lets go away Mama.” We looked for Mr. Ramsen, general manager of Guion Line, he was extremely busy but remarked that the number I had was about the best accommodations they had left. I asked if there was any of the larger rooms disengaged, when he remarked “only one and that doubtful.” It was now time to put out, down the river, Bro. Roberts said good-bye. After he was gone, Ramsen, called for my ticket, changed the number said something to the “Percer” [sic], and I was shown to a stateroom, which the Stewardess tells me is one of the best on the boat. It is large, airy, three large berths, two, below, one on each side of room one above, nice marble washbowls, lounge and everything comfortable and nice. It adjoins the ladies cabin and is right near the saloon and opening into the main hall. I tell you, I am fixed fine, and the boat nice—sociable people on board which makes a voyage much more agreeable. I have your last letter on board with me or the one bearing date Nov 16. I shall read it again, and perhaps have a good cry over it, that is when I get into my room tonight, and then consign it to the waves—”bury it in the sea,” just as I hope [p.242]that the controversy which it contains glimpses of, will be forever buried between us.
The hands are so kind and attentive, and I did not have to pay anything extra—Mr. Ramsen said I was to write to Liverpool and tell them about my accommodations which I will do. It appears there are two priced first class accommodations, and I had paid for the lower priced one, saloon privileges are the same in each but the state rooms are widely different. Through some good luck or another, the best has been granted me. As we sailed down the Channel a high sea came on, and oh dear the sickness that followed, a cross sea, the sailors called it, the decks were fairly swilled with the spray—Lizzie & I had our share of vomiting—it was the sick nursing the sick. This morning I am feeling O.K. but “Pet” is still quite pale and I will not eat. I feel however that the voyage will ultimately do her good. The Stewardess says we are not considered under way hardly until we put out from Queenstown and says we may expect some rough sailing this time of the year—won’t I be glad when we land, for this sea sickness is a most deathly sensation. Still I am thankful to our Heavenly Father that things are as well with us as they are, so far we have been very fortunate—that is in securing good accommodations …
It is all my own wicked fault that it [the issue of my jealousy] has been raised and now I sincerely repent. It has made us each suffer, and [I] have learned a lesson: and long for the words “I forgive you” from your own dear pen and then you are ill and I am wretched to think I have been the cause of a thought of sorrow to one I so dearly love.
“My heart was hot and restless,
And my life seemed full of care,
And the burden placed upon me,
Seemed greater than I could bear,
When I get you forgiveness, I shall feel—
“But now it has fallen from me
It lies buried in the sea,
And only the sorrows of others—
Cast’s a shadow over me”
[p.243]I shall write again when I reach New York. I must close now—as they are calling for the mail.
Best love from Lizzie and I—
Tell dear mother I will write her a long letter from New York.
Dec. 11th, 1887
My Own Loved One,—
After leaving Queenstown our “Gallant Ship” encountered quite a gale, which by Monday night had assumed a most terrific form. The great whitecapped waves looked like foaming mountains, and beat against the boat with such force, as to break the glass over the saloon, deluge several pannels, lifted one of the small boats, and did other damage: a number of berths were flooded and the occupants wet: but beyond a “big scare” and severe seasickness no one was hurt. Lizzie & I were deathly sick for several days but every kindness was shown us by the boat hands, but poor Lizzie would not let anyone touch her but me. And during the worst days it would be noon before we could manage to get dressed, would get one article of clothing on and then vomit & so on. Lizzie would say “don’t be sick Mamma, don’t be sick again.” But it is over now and we are jolly and happy, Lizzie is still pale but I believe she is going to be better after this, at least I hope so, I will not prolong this note as I shall write again as soon as we fairly land in New York. I sincerely trust that all will go well about my landing, so far as our affairs are concerned. Of course I cannot help but feel a bit anxious, as careful as I have tried to be while on this boat, I can well understand and feel that I am looked upon with a degree of suspicion, or as a sort of a mystery. People will ask questions, and as thorough [an] opportunity as I have to be trained in the art of deception, I find that I still make, what some would term a “poor fist of it.” And then it is proverbial that a story teller should have a good memory, and unless this is the case you are apt to vary your yarn with different individuals—and on a passenger boat is the place for gossip to be repeated and re-re-peated. Sometimes I almost wish that I had [p.244]remained the ensuing two months in Old England, or elsewhere on the European Continent, but if all goes well shall not regret my present move. Even now I am happy in the thought that I am breathing American air, but oh!! for an inhilation of Rocky Mt. atmosphere and a glimpse of my dear Old Boy—do you know who he is, and other dear friends. Why it seems as if I had not seen any of you for ten years or more. How glad I shall be to get home again, it seems to me that I have dragged out a weary lifetime since I have been over here: but enough, I had no intention to complain in this letter. I shall be anxious to learn the news from home so hope there is a letter awaiting me in N. York. The last word I heard before leaving was that of the “Receiver” taking possession of the Tithing Office, etc—and I wonder what new developments have taken place since then. I firmly believe we are going to have still more trying times in Zion. The world truly seems ready for God’s judgments to visit it, and if those judgements are to commence at the House of the Lord for the purification of His people, then we must be prepared for an ordeal. I see I am at the end of my paper so good-night loved one, and excuse this rambling note as I am in the salon, boat rocking, and a host of “grandees” conversing. Will write to dear mother in the morning.
Dec 21, ’87
My Own Loved One—
We are getting along tolerable well—not very comfortable to be sure, but many are in worse circumstances, and the people do the best they can for us. Lizzie’s cold is better, but she is terribly irritated with her bladder again, having to urinate every half hour during the day. I shall have her thoroughly examined when we reach A[nn]. A[rbor]. The water in this section is strongly mineral, which I think makes her worse, and milk is so scarce that it cannot be obtained for love or money. How did you get along after leaving?83 I am anxious to hear from you. How is [p.245]your health? You went away without the prescription the doctor recommended. I found it after you left, so enclose it. Trust it will do you good. That excessive thirst and perspiration to which you are subject, is going to be bad for you if not checked. The Dr. says the ingredients of the prescription are the phosphates of Iron Quinine and Strychnine, and thus combined form an excellent general as well as a special nerve tonic. Your symptoms loss of voice, a relaxed state of the pores etc., are without a doubt the result of nervous exhaustion; and those little pills are not going to do a particle of good.
Afternoon. Have been out for a sleigh ride, and have seen the “Detroit Free Press” while gone which gives dreadful accounts of blizzards that have swept over the western plains, causing loss of life to passengers on trains etc—and can’t help feel worried and alarmed wondering where you are and how you got along. It is fearfully cold here, twenty degrees below zero today with the sun brightly shining. We were muffled to death today in the sleigh but did not want to go very far, holding the rug up over Lizzies nose made my hands ache so fearfully that I nearly bawled when we got out of the sleigh. We kept a rousing fire going all last night and water froze in a dish not far from it. This is a frame house and very cold
I wrote you on the 16th inst. asking about little Maud—I am anxious to hear about her. Which if any are the navigable rivers in Utah and for what distance are they navigable. Please send this information as soon as you get this, as I have promised it to a certain party here. Happy we would be if we could live at home in peace like we used to do, but I never expect it in our day. Still I am thankful for the happy few hours I have had in your blessed society—and look forward to many joyous “stolen interviews” in the near future. With love and devotion I am your Own Maria
1. Quirk is a name from Angus’s family, which Mattie uses frequently as a pseudonym. Mattie is here referring to the fact that the charges of unlawful cohabitation brought against Angus in November 1886 were dismissed the following month.
2. James P. Freeze, a missionary in England from September 1885 to January 1888.
3. Mormons use specially blessed olive oil for healing purposes.
4. Edward Davis was a missionary who became friends with Mattie.
5. The British Mission offices and home were located in Liverpool at 42 Islington. A contemporary account by Albert Jones describes the building as having “been put through a regular course of renovation—new paint, wall paper and whitewash,” but still “dingy and gloomy.” According to Jones, the office was a central feature to the missionary experience in Great Britain and from “under the roof of ’42’ has gone forth a power and strength … which shall crumble the religious fallacies of the world.” See Journal History, 31 Aug. 1921, 6, archives, Historical Department, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Salt Lake City, Utah; hereafter HDC.
6. Mattie is referring to the Edmunds-Tucker Act which became law in 1887.
7. Rachel Cahoon Woolley, wife of Samuel Wickersham Woolley, was born on 11 June 1849 and died on 20 January 1887.
8. U.S. president Grover Cleveland disliked the anti-polygamy legislation but was caught in a dilemma. By signing it he would offend the Mormons, with whom he hoped for an accommodation, but if he vetoed the bill he would alienate Congressional leaders and important figures in the Republican and Democratic parties. Ultimately, Cleveland allowed the bill to become law without his signature.
9. Since Anna Hull was still sealed in marriage to Paul Schettler, Mormons believe that her child Annie could be sealed to him for the next life.
10. Sophia Whitaker Taylor was the wife of President John Taylor.
11. See Edward Davis Diary, 31 March, 7 April, 15 April, 1887, HDC.
14. Angus married Johanna Cristina Danielson on 21 March 1887.
15. On 28 April Edward Davis recorded in his diary, “Sister Hull wants to return with me May 7th. I have left the matter in the hands of the servant of the Lord[,] Prest. [George] Teasdale and it will be as the Lord wills.” The next day Davis recorded he “prayed earnestly to the Lord to direct mind of Prest. Teasdale in relation to my going home with Sister Hull.” He then noted that Anna “concluded to stay another year.”
16. “Birdie” is Mattie’s half-sister Barbara Paul.
17. Angus’s son, Lewis M. Cannon, was preparing for a mission to Germany.
18. McRae was Mattie’s bishop in Salt Lake City.
19. Mattie is referring to a special Salt Lake Stake conference held on 8 May. Angus told the congregation that church leaders in “enforced exile” were anxious to “meet with the Saints and give them the word of the Lord” but were unable to do so because of persecution. He also told listeners that God would punish Congress for passing “infamous laws” but would bless the Saints who obeyed him. See Deseret News, 12 May 1887, 8.
20. Jeremiah H. Kimball (1857-87), son of Heber C. and Amanda Kimball, was killed while on his way to serve a mission in Germany. A lengthy letter from Lewis about this accident is in the Deseret News, 2 June 1887.
21. The poem addressed to “Beloved Exile” reads, in part, “Be firm and valiant Sister Dear/Dark Clouds disperse by dint of cheer/The Lord is testing you to prove/your faith, your texture & your love.”
22. Angus is referring to John Taylor, Mormon president and Angus’s uncle. Samuel W. Taylor notes that the church leader “would neither permit himself nor others” to believe his illness was serious (see Samuel W. Taylor and Raymond W. Taylor, The John Taylor Papers, Volume II, The President [Redwood City, CA: Taylor Trust Publishers, 1985], 495).
25. Mattie is referring to the jubilee celebrating the ascension of Queen Victoria to the throne.
26. Mary Loretta Teasdale, wife of mission president George Teasdale the wife of mission president George Teasdale.
27. Edward Schoenfeld was president of the German Mission.
28. Robert S.Campbell (1854-1931) was a missionary in England from October 1885 to November 1887.
29. Henry Ballard was president of the London conference or district of the British Mission.
30. Alma Dunford (1850-1919) was a prominent dentist and first husband of Susa Young Gates.
31. Mattie had not yet received Angus’s letter informing her of Taylor’s death.
32. During the nineteenth century and into the twentieth century faithful Mormons would periodically gather in small groups to pray aloud in ritualized ceremonies.
33. Angus, speaking at a Salt Lake City stake conference on 31 July, told attendees: “This land of freedom has been blessed of God to be an asylum for the Church, and though wickedness may exist, the Lord destroys those who will not repent.” See Deseret News, 1 Aug. 1887, 4.
34. The first municipal elections under the Edmunds-Tucker Act were held at this time. The legislation disenfranchised Mormon women. The Mormon People’s Party dominated the voting. See Deseret News, 1 Aug. 1887, 3.
35. This letter is apparently no longer extant.
36. John Mousley Cannon (1865-1917) was the son of Angus and Sarah Maria Mousley Cannon.
37. The articles referred to are from the Woman’s Exponent. On 1 June 1887, an editorial commented on the death of Louise Martha Wells Cannon (1862-87), wife of John Q. Cannon and daughter of Daniel H. Wells and Emmeline B. Wells. A month later a tribute, entitled “Louie,” written by Orson F. Whitney, appeared in the magazine.
38. Louie Wells married John Q. Cannon, a counselor in the presiding bishopric of the LDS church, on 10 September 1886, the day after Cannon’s divorce from Louie’s sister, Annie, became final. Cannon had been excommunicated from the church several days earlier because of his illicit relationship with Louie. In December, Louie moved to San Francisco where she gave birth to a still-born baby on 5 April 1887. Louie took sick and died there the following 16 May with her mother, Emmeline, at her bedside. Mattie clearly believed the laudatory nature of the articles in “Emmeline’s paper” were in poor taste in light of the circumstances. For her part, Emmeline was deeply hurt by the situation and remarked in her diary on 7 May 1888, possibly with Mattie in mind, that she could “never forgive” those who had “assailed” Louie during this period. For a fuller discussion of the incident, see Carol Cornwall Madsen, “A Mormon Woman in Victorian America,” Ph.D. diss., University of Utah, 1985, 81-86.
39. Harriett Bennion “Hattie” Harker (1857-1923) was active in the Salt Lake Stake Relief Society and the Author’s Club. She was the widow of Benjamin Harker who died in 1884. Amelia Folsom Young (1838-1910) had married Brigham Young in January 1863. The Gardo House, known as “Amelia’s Palace,” was built by Young for Amelia on the corner of South Temple and State Street in downtown Salt Lake City. Both of these women were popular and eligible widows, well-known in local society.
40. A pessary was a vaginal suppository used to support the uterus.
41. In the nineteenth century Mormon women frequently blessed the sick. See Linda K. Newell, “A Gift Given, A Gift Taken.” Sunstone 6 (Sept.-Oct. 1981): 16-25; and Constance L. Lieber and John Sillito, “‘In Blessing We Too Were Blest’: Mormon Women and Spiritual Gifts,” Weber Studies 5 (Spring 1988): 61-73.
42. In early January 1887 Arizona legislators had repealed a Mormon test oath.
43. Joshua H. Paul (1863-1939), Mattie’s half-brother, graduated from the University of Deseret in 1883. A distinguished educator, he became president of Brigham Young College, the Utah Agricultural College, and the Latter-day Saint University. He served a mission to Great Britain from 1896 to 1898.
44. The “12” refers to the Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Mormon church.
45. Kate Penrose (1860-1931), daughter of Charles W. Penrose and Lucetta Stratford Penrose, married Samuel F. Brown on 1 October 1887. The “more sacred house” refers to the Mormon temple.
46. Heber J. Richards (1840-1919) was a prominent Utah physician and partner of Dr. William F. Anderson.
47. Mattie is referring Brigham Young, Jr. (1836-1903), a member of the Council of Twelve Apostles. “Lizzie” is most likely Young’s plural wife Mary Elizabeth Fenton whom he married on 7 March 1868.
48. Mattie commented to her friend Barbara Replogle, “I… went to St. Thomas Hospital, the most famous in London, only to find that they allow inexperienced ‘boy’ students to practice, or gain experience by handling the patients. Of course I could not submit to that” (MHC to Barbara Replogle, 6 Aug. 1887, Replogle Papers, HDC).
49. Emil Carl Maeser (1866-1910), son of prominent Utah educator Karl G. Maeser, had recently been called on a mission.
50. Edward Dunster was a prominent physician at the University of Michigan medical school.
51. Mattie has returned to calling Anna by her prior married name of Schettler.
52. Abraham Hatch (1857-?) was an engineer on the Oregon Short Line railroad and a local church leader.
53. Duncan M. McAllister (1842-1931) had been appointed by John Taylor in April 1887 to serve as the church’s business manager in Liverpool.
54. Louis F. Moench was an educator. At this time he was serving a mission to Switzerland. After his return in 1888 he became the first principal of Weber Stake Academy.
55. Anna was German Swiss. Mattie’s reference to her as “Dutch” no doubt resulted from her misunderstanding the term “deutsch.”
56. George D. Pyper (1860-1943) was secretary of the Deseret Sunday School and a Salt Lake City judge during this period.
57. Prayer circles inside as well as outside of temples were common during these times.
58. Elizabeth Hoagland Cannon was born on 22 September 1883 to Abraham H. and Sarah Ann Jenkins Cannon.
59. The Valley House was a hotel in Salt Lake City.
60. Lewis writes, “Am sorry to hear of St. H’s wine bibing, it a bad thing. The people in this country seem to be great hands for it. I have offended several by not drinking with them, but I can’t help it, I am willing to try to eat any thing they give me or drink any thing but liquor, but that I will not touch, offense or no offense.”
61. Wilford Woodruff (1807-98) was president of the Council of Twelve Apostles. After John Taylor’s death in July 1887, the Council of the Twelve guided church affairs during an “apostolic presidency” lasting two years. Woodruff was sustained as church president in April 1888.
62. LDS church leaders were seeking to get the confiscation of church property under the Edmunds-Tucker law declared unconstitutional. Dyer, an active opponent of the Mormons, was the U.S. marshal and federal receiver.
63. Mormons perform certain rituals and ordinances, notably the marrying for “time and eternity” of husbands and wives, in their temples. The Salt Lake Temple was not completed until 1893.
64. Angus is referring to the trials prior to Mattie going into exile.
65. Joseph E. Taylor and his wife Clara Sudbury Taylor were expecting at this time. Their son Joseph was born on 22 February 1888.
66. Angus J. Cannon (1867-1957) was the son of George Q. and Sarah Jane Jenne Cannon.
67. According to legend, Duke Berchtold Von Zahringen, founder of the city of Berne, wanted to name the city after the first animal he had killed in the area of settlement. It was apparently a bear, thus the city’s name. In the early 1500s a shelter was built in the city known as the bear-pit where a dozen or so animals were maintained. It was, and remains, a popular attraction.
68. Jacob Spori was a missionary with Swiss heritage.
69. Endowments are special blessings given to worthy Mormons in temple-related rituals and are tied to obedience and faithfulness to covenants made in the temple. A sealing ceremony is a particular temple ordinance that joins husbands and wives, parents and children, together for time and eternity. Sealing can also refer to the invocation or bestowal of blessings through the authority of the Mormon priesthood.
70. Construction on the Logan Temple began in 1877. It was dedicated in May 1884.
71. The Alaska, built in 1881 by John Elder & Co., of Glasgow, Scotland, operated on the Guion line out of Liverpool and was considered the fastest steamship of her time. See Conway B. Sonne, Ships, Saints and Mariners: A Maritime Encyclopedia of the Mormon Migration, 1830-1890 (Salt Lake City: University of Utah Press, 1987), 7.
72. Mattie is referring to the Bloody Sunday riots in Trafalgar Square by unemployed workers. The occupation of the square was crushed by policemen heavily reinforced with special constables and soldiers.
73. James H. Hart (1825-1906) was a longtime church emigration agent.
74. Angus destroyed this letter from Mattie.
75. Alice Young, the four-month-old daughter of Abbie Corilla Wells Young and Seymour B. Young, died on 6 November 1887.
76. Maude Sarah Paul (1875-1965) was Mattie’s youngest half-sister.
77. The remainder of this sentence is unintelligible.
78. B. H. Roberts (1857-1933), a member of the First Quorum of Seventy, was a missionary in England and assistant editor of the Latter-day Saints’ Millennial Star during this period.
79. Mattie is referring to Maria Bennion Cannon, fifth wife of Angus, who at the time only had one child, Hattie Bennion Cannon, born 5 March 1887. Her second child, Ira Bennion Cannon, was not born until 11 February 1888.
80. John R. Winder (1821-1910) was a counselor to Presiding Bishop William B. Preston and later a counselor in the church’s First Presidency.
81. At this point Charles W. Penrose is living in New York writing articles in defense of the Mormons for the eastern press and, along with Franklin S. Richards, lobbying the Congress in behalf of statehood.
82. The Arizona was a steamship on the Guion line built in 1879 by John Elder and Co. at Glasgow, Scotland. It weighed 5,147 tons and once held the transatlantic speed record. The ship could carry 350 passengers. See Sonne, 16-17.
83. This letter from Detroit was written after Angus had spent several days in New York with Mattie and Elizabeth, then returned to Utah. Research project must know. Research project must show you must show you provide, so you decide to formulate research process, work yourself gives you will need to buy research paper” to overload yourself with boring work on chosen topic, and instructions that you will be used, but. research paper online Each of all, you choose, there are two primary methods to write my research paper, advantages seem obvious. First of them has its advantages and disadvantages, which you won’t need to complete research paper, advantages and correctly. Since such as research paper on abortion, or simply don’t.