Music and the Broken Word
by Paul Toscano and Cal Grondahl

mormon hymn

GOD HAS CALLED THEM TO THE BYU
(Sung to “God Be with You Till We Meet Again” [OHB, 47] or “God Be with You” [NHB, 152])

[p.19] God has called them to the BYU
As professors of religion.
They don’t tolerate derision.
They’re accepted at the BYU.

[Chorus]
They are holy men.
They are holy.
They are holier than thou.
Do they know?
Do they know,
They’re as holy as a sacred cow?

In their callings at the BYU,
Though by liberals they’re surrounded,
They think they can’t be confronted.
They’re protected at the BYU.

[Chorus]

Though professors at the BYU,
They don’t transmit information;
They just spark the sweet sensation
That their every anecdote is true.

[Chorus]

They are waiting at the BYU
To forsake Church Education
For a higher ordination
And to sit among a holier few.

[Chorus]

• • • • •

mormon hymn

GOD SPEED THE LEFT
(Sung to “Now to Heaven Our Prayer” [OHB, 171] or “God Speed the Right” [NHB, 106])

[p.21] Now we liberals are ascending.
God speed the left.
With the right wing we’re contending.
God speed the left.
We make independent choices
And prefer alternate voices.
God speed the left.
God speed the left.

We’ve created our own forums.
God speed the left.
We defy the leading quorums.
God speed the left.
Whose approach do we concur in?
That of Sterling M. McMurrin!
Saint of the left.
Saint of the left.

While the Mormon mainstream slumbers,
God speed the left.
We work to increase our numbers.
God speed the left.
Digging at the church foundations,
Sowing doubt for generations,
God help the left.
God help the left.

• • • • •

mormon hymn

HIGH IN THE MOUNTAINS AROUND US
(Sung to “Firm as the Mountains Around Us” [OHB, 42] or “Carry On” [NHB, 255])

[p.23] High in the mountains around us
And out in the deserts free
Hidden bands of fundamentalists
Are living polygamy.
Though the church has abandoned this practice
And this principle denied,
Those ten thousand plural families
Have nowhere else to hide.

[Chorus]
And we hear the polygs singing,
“Marry on! Marry on! Marry on!
To get to the highest kingdom,
Marry on! Marry on! Marry on!”
Damning the two manifestos,
They march to their one-note song.
They have but one true doctrine:
“Marry on! Marry on! Marry on!”

We Mormons are very embarrassed
By this cultist marriage form;
It reminds us of the days when
This was the established norm.
For the heritage we’ve abandoned
In our not too distant past,
Which was once the pride of the Mormons,
We look upon, aghast.

[Chorus]

• • • • •

mormon hymn

HOME ALONE
(Sung to “There Is Beauty All Around” [OHB, 169] or “Love at Home” [NHB, 294])

[p.25] There is beauty all around
When we’re home alone.
Silence is the sweetest sound
When we’re home alone.
With no kids beneath our feet
We have lots of food to eat
And the place is clean and neat
When we’re home alone.
Home alone. Home alone.
We can always sleep so sound
When we’re home alone.

At our house there’s so much joy
When we’re home alone.
Whining children ne’er annoy
When we’re home alone.
We don’t have to clean or cook,
We can find some quiet nook
Watch T.V. or read a book
When we’re home alone.
Home alone. Home alone.
There’s so much we can enjoy
When we’re home alone.

Sadly we will have to wait
To be home alone.
With six children under eight
We can’t be alone!
When in twenty years or so
If our kids decide to go,
And if their kids aren’t in tow,
Then we’ll be alone.
Home alone. Home alone.
But if death should lay us low,
Bury us alone.

• • • • •

mormon hymn

HOW NUMEROUS THE COMMANDS
(Sung to “How Gentle God’s Commands” [OHB, 67; NHB, 125])

[p.27] How numerous the commands
And rules we’ve multiplied;
And if these burdens bear you down,
Try lengthening your stride.

Beneath this load of guilt,
We Saints would rather dwell;
Before we’d acknowledge salvation by grace,
We’d all rather go to hell.

Why should we not all earn
With works our great reward;
So when we arrive in the Kingdom of God,
We won’t owe a thing to the Lord.

This way we can stay clear of debt,
And that’s just like cash in the bank;
So rather than offer up praise to the Lord,
Why, we’ll be the ones he will thank.

• • • • •

mormon hymn

I HAVE DONE SO MUCH GOOD IN THE WORLD TODAY
(Sung to “Have I Done Any Good?” [OHB, 58; NHB, 223])

[p.29] I have done so much good in the world today
I was up in the morning by five.
Then I jogged for a mile,
Not forgetting to smile
And say, “It’s great being alive.”
I ate a good breakfast and straightened the bed.
I studied the scriptures and prayed,
Then did genealogical work for the dead,
To the neighbors took bread that I’d made.

[Chorus]
With good deeds, as everyone knows,
The highway to heaven is paved.
These good workers are expected
Or we’ll be rejected.
Through our works, not God’s grace,
We’re saved.

Then I took the noon shift at the cannery,
Cutting corn kernels off of the cob.
I remained there til three,
So it’s easy to see
Why I don’t have time for a job.
I cooked a big meal for the family next door—
A duty that I could not shirk.
But sometimes I do wonder how others are saved,
If I’m always doing their work?

[Chorus]

In the evening I met with some Saints at church,
Where our good works we humbly confessed.
We like deeds of the sort
We can count and report;
In this way we’re sure to be blessed.
A life based on service to others is neat,
For service has merit alone.
And should you tire of working, then just stop and think:
Only queen bees have use for a drone.

[Chorus]

 • • • • •

mormon hymn

LET THE BOMBS COME DOWN
(Sung to “I Have Work Enough to Do” [OHB, 71; NHB, 224])

[p.31] Since we Mormons are prepared,
Let the bombs come down.
We have no need to be scared,
When the bombs come down.
We’ll have tins of wheat in storage,
So we will not have to forage,
We’ll make do on bread and porridge,
When the bombs come down.

We are waiting for the day,
When the bombs come down.
We’ll have groceries stashed away,
When the bombs come down.
When the judgment o’er us passes,
Fallout, germs, and poison gasses
Will miss us and hit the masses,
When the bombs come down.

We’ll be happy as can be,
When the bombs come down.
For at last we shall be free,
When the bombs come down.
No more heathens, Jews, or Christians,
No more evil politicians,
Just us Mormons and the Russians,
When the bombs come down.

• • • • •

mormon hymn

LET US ALL BE FAITH-PROMOTING
(Sung to “Lord, Accept Our True Devotion” [OHB, 101; NHB, 107])

[p.33] Let us all be faith-promoting.
Let us all work as a team.
Let’s not probe and let’s not question,
Lest we stray from the mainstream.

[Chorus]
Pretty pictures, lovely stories,
Charming smiles, and flowing tears,
Sweetness, light, and whitewashed history,
Chase away all doubts and fears.

Let’s be gentle and soft-spoken.
Let’s be calm, let’s be serene.
Let’s be humble and submissive.
Let our minds be neat and clean.

[Chorus]

Let our thoughts be pure and simple.
And uplifting be our quotes.
Simple citizens of Zion,
Full of pleasant anecdotes.

[Chorus]