Special Living Lessons for Relief Society Sisters
by Laurie Mecham Johnson


Issue from the President of

Number twocrystal


[P.6]“The most important thing in life is to be APPROPRIATE.”

Sisters, as you try harder to be appropriated, remember that in “Exspecially for Mormon Volume 19” we read that “Girls who try to be a walking encyclopedia are like a Reference Book—they’re never taken out!” (This is a neat Tip for those of us who are in Special Interest or who are trying to raise virtual daughters.)


I have invited someone very, very special unto Relief Society this week. It is hard to believe that my daughter, Crystal, has reached the age of nineteen and is no longer a child. Every day she looks more adulterous, and it’s just so neat to see Crystal and the other girls leave their Young Women’s behind. We invite them to come join with us in our Relief Society so that they can become accustomized with our womanly ways.

(If I did miss of any visitors, please do not be offended because I did not intend unto do so.)


relief society sistersSister DeFrock has asked unto be excused because she has a new calling working for the Church. She has a very special calling working with The [p.7]Stronger than Members Committee. And so, Sister DeFrock is out visiting just lots of wards and branches and other special little meetings and so she is excused.

And just in case there are any unknown visitors with us, just anyone at all, anyone that we don’t know, just anyone visiting at all, we would like to assure you that here in the Parley P. Pratt Park South Fourth Ward we are a faithful, faithful community. I think that you will not find a better Ward anywhere. Amist us there are no feminites, and although I myself am a corresponding student perusing an Associate’s Degree in Secretarial Science from the BYU in Salt Lake, I don’t think anyone would call me an intellectualist. sister dykstraAs for any other particular “threats” unto The [p.8]Church, I would just like to say that here in our Ward we are just so proud of our very effeminate women and our very emasculate men. Of course, naturally you realize that we are all married! Well, except for Sister Butcher (and her roommate). (And Sister Butcher, please do send our greetings unto Sister Dykstra and let her know that we would all just love unto see her come out.)


This week we will all be uplifted by “Special Living Lesson Number 13: Mormon Women in the Modren World.” And as I read this lesson during my silent Sunday study time last week, I thought about you, my Sistern. And although I do not know each of you as well as I would wish, as I look around at Mormon women every- [p.9]where, I realize that although we are somewhat different on the exterior, we are all the same on the inferior.zucchini


I have been asked unto thank all of you Sisters who were turned out to help with the canning of the Zucchini Pineapple. I am sure that it was a great welfare project in which you did serve and that all of the food will be delicious and safe for human conception. We are very grateful for you and your work. (And for those of you who did not feel unto serve the Lord at this time, well, we can only pray that you will be more open to that insurrection next time.)  [photo on left is p.10]


We do have the Visiting Teaching Message in which we have been called unto deliver and if you are not a Visiting Teacher, just don’t [p.11]read this part, okay? (But Be Reverent.) So, for those Visiting Teachers who have looked ahead, you do know that the Message is on “Overcoming Depression.” It’s just kind of a sad and difficult message in which we have been asked to deliver. And I think it is important unto realize that Depression can come upon even the most faithful and diligent Sisters, even those who work from dawn to dusk, day in and day out, unto care for their families, do their geneology, attend The Temple, remain fit and attractive for their eternal companion and to perfect themselves in every way. And so, just to kind of uplift the spirit of this message, we will have a little bag of candy at the back of the room (AND IF YOU ARE NOT A VISITING TEACHER, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OF THE CANDY!). But for those of you who really are Visiting Teachers, if you will just take of the candy and make a little card for each of your teacheese and affix to it the candy and write a little message saying, “Be a Tootsie—Roll with the punches!” we do believe that this will help to soften the very terrible message in which we have been grapescalled to deliver.

[p.12]I think it would be neat to have TIPS FOR ALL RELIEF SOCIETY SISTERS and so here is a TIP for Displaying Precious Treasures:

pointing fingerAlways Choose a Theme unto Repeat in Your Decor.


Personalize the lesson by using stories and examples from our own ward members.